Here's  a list of things abusers do when taking control, isolating and abusing  an elder. The same actions are also taken by guardians, strangers,  caretakers, a family member, banks, lawyers, business employees etc.
You are not alone. I've come to the realization that there are common threads in how the abuse is accomplished.
Carrie-and-Olevia.jpg1. The abuser earns the trust of the elder.
2. The abuser makes the elder dependent on him/her.
3.  The elder becomes scared to make the abuser mad. The elder may say  things like, "I'm not suppose to tell you this ..." To those loved ones  who are able to see or visit them less and less.
4.  The abuser starts criticizing the elders loved ones and feeds their  fears with lies. They usually focus on one child to denigrate in order  to divide siblings. Pictures, in the elders home, of loved ones are  moved or disappear to not remind the elder they are loved. Sometimes the  caretakers picture and their family replace the elder's family and  loved ones pictures.
5.  The elder starts to retreat from his loved ones and along with the  abuser becomes secretive creating the us vs. them mentality.
6.  The abuser stays by the elder when others are around making sure the  elder is never alone when others are around. They monitor the elders  phone calls. Or changes the elders cell phone without telling anyone so  the loved ones are calling the old phone and the elder gets no calls.  The abuser then tells the elder "no one loves you or cares about you but  me".
7.  The abuser cuts the elder off from all contact with the elders family,  friends and loved ones. Isolating the elder and confining them to their  room or house.
8. The abuser gets the elder to sign over his/her financial and medical durable POA's
9.  The abuser gets a doctor to report that the elder has dementia when  he/she doesn't or the doctor declares the person is completely competent  when the elder suffers from dementia.
10.  The abuser files for conservatorship or guardianship and 9 times out of  ten gets it. Or the abuser starts having the elder sign over property,  tell the bank to put the abuser on their bank accounts, have the elder  sign checks to them or buy them expensive things or leave everything to  them in a new will and trust.
11.  The abuser who attains guardianship immediately puts the elder in a  nursing home, tells family members they are cut off from visiting the  elder, starts raping the elders savings and assets, sells the family  home for less than it's worth, charges exorbitant amounts for normal  guardian duties.
12.  The family and loved ones find out usually after the fact, that their  parent or loved one has been abused and taken from them.
13.  The family and loved ones seek legal help and are told by lawyer after  lawyer they won't take the case because they won't win and it's  extremely expensive
14.  The abuser who put the elder in a nursing home or care facility against  the elders wishes, either won't tell others where the elder is or they  order the nursing home to remove the elders phone and not to allow  visitors. The nursing home does as their told because the abuser holds  the POA or guardianship. They won't release medical info to family or  loved ones because of the HIPPA law.
15.  Family members or loved ones are traumatized by their loss and  helplessness, often feeling guilty for failing the abused. The police  won't help seeing elder abuse as a civil matter. APS won't investigate  if the elder is being cared for. Prosecutors refuse to prosecute because  undo influence is almost impossible to prove. If they get visitation  it's usually monitored or an hour or more once a week.
16.  The nursing home starts drugging the elder with a harmful drug for  their dementia like Haldol or they over medicate them so the staff can  handle them easier.
17. The elders health declines, the drugs and isolation having shortened their lifespan.
18.  a)  The family and loved ones are called to the death bed to hold vigil  able to see the abused for the first time in months or years just  before they pass.  b) The family and loved ones are never contacted  about the abused's death.  c) The family and loved ones are able to see  the dying whose unconscious but must leave before the abused's plug is  pulled or he dies.
19.  The body of the abused is immediately cremated at the abusers order.  The abuser keeps the ashes refusing the family members requests for  burial.
20. Family members or loved ones are left traumatized, unable to think clearly, with symptoms of PTSD months or years later.

Showing 5 reactions

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  • Victoria Marchand
    commented 2021-01-03 04:36:37 -0800
    These stories are so similar tto mine. Unfortunately because of the corona-virus visitation restrictions, it m gives the corrupt guardian or facility that is isolating the elder, so much more room to manipulate, control, and further isolate. Instead of working with families, my mother’s guardian hides behind adult protective services, refused to connect with loved ones, and is in the offensive/defensive. The facility also used staff with very limited English to listen in on phone calls and to lie to further scapegoat loved ones if it necessitates. They are very smart and cover all their bases. We need to meet and reach out to each other to show these people the law and social/news media is aware of their pain and lonileness. Don’t allow the bullies to defeat you. Fight the good fight for the elders!
  • Victoria Franco
    followed this page 2021-01-03 04:34:59 -0800
  • Ron Holcombe
    commented 2016-12-16 17:45:20 -0800
    This list is 90% verbatim as to what Onnie Lee Wade , Bethlehem, GA and his family did to my mother. He did not have the common decency to call me when he somehow put my mother in her death bed at his house rather than taking her to the hospital as he did in the past when mom was sick. I got a text at 2:30 am telling me to get to her bedside if I wanted to see her alive. I booked the first flight out next day and was up at 4:30am preparing to leave and got another call that she was gone before I left for the airport. Supposedly, she had been in hospice care for 2 days and he did nothing to let me know. I had medical POA, General POA and Conservatorship documents for my mother as part of her Trust. When she moved in with him after he allowed her to fall twice in 3 days, he took her to his attorney and had my mother sign a document cancelling my Trust documents and I could no longer be involved in mom’s medical care or medical decisions. Why did he do that? The answer is obvious. She died on Thursday, he made funeral arrangements on Friday without contacting me and mom was buried on Saturday. No law enforcement, no medical examiner, and no autopsy. He pretends to be a good Christian man but there is a special place in Hell for him and his family.
  • Karen Ellis
    commented 2016-11-29 06:01:18 -0800
    This is everything my dads wife did…evil is this person
  • Susan Macaulay
    commented 2016-04-09 18:43:17 -0700
    yes, all of these are true, and sadly, family members can be the perpetrators against other family members…