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I would like to say thank you Joanne Bougalis for sharing the incredible and inspirational story of how you saved your mother Katherine from the guardian racket.
This is a beautiful story of a loving daughter’s courage and strength to save her mother’s life. Your mother looks beautiful and happy. May God bless you everyday with peace, love and happiness Joanne and Katherine.
My dad is in a nursing home he has dementia . I have complained to mom and to the head nurse of things going on like a cna being rude or clothes missing or other things so the nursing home pressured my mom until she signed papers saying I was banned from seeing my dad. Is this right or do I have rights ? I want to c my dad it has been three weeks and I really want to c him I used to go every morning to feed him and shave him. Now I cant go at all
The link shows just the tip of the problem we have been battling for 3 years and still do not have the funds returned although we are close to getting back about $400,000 of the over $673,000 that was stolen.
Our battle has inspired us to start a foundation in my father -in-laws name and fight for the elderly all while partnering with other like minded non profits to bring light to elderly abuse. Please assist us in sharing our story to help us gain national attention to this growing problem of elderly abuse.
My mom was medicated and my sister and her husband got her to sign over her property
I wish I could afford a Lawyer and put my “family” members in prison where they belong. My dieing Father was lied to, takin advantage of, manipulated, had his vehicals, antiques,ect stolen by a grandson, He once told me how he was being treated, so I placed recorders in his house and have all the things done to him on tape. I have only listened to about half of all the recordings, because it’s too painfull to listen to him wishing for death, listening to my own “mother” spew out lie after lie about me. My “sister” is a text book narsissist, manipulating sociopath and a psychopath who convinced (with lies) her own mother to dis-owned myself and my siblings for the sole purpose to grab my parents entire estate. Again, I have it all recorded,and they still deny everything.
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In 2006 my Father suffered a massive stroke. Three months later just days before he passed, behind my back my older brothers (2) and a older sister took Mom to the Attorney had me removed as The Executor of the Estate, POA of Medical and Finance. Don’t really know if legally they could do that but he’s Chief of Police in our city and he does what he wants. Then in 2012 Mom suffered a massive stroke. In 2013 he put Mom in a nursing home, my younger sister and I would visit Mom 3-4 times a week. We ended up adopting (as we put it) the elderly lady across the hall from Mom’s (she was a Old Maid) no family and the 4 of us had so much fun together. Going to prom grams, taking them outside for walks, bring treats every night and then in Sept. 2014 we received a call from Mom, crying, (the Chief of Police in the background, telling Mom what to say) “You have caused so many problems I’m being evicted. Don’t come to see me, don’t call me, don’t send me anything.” This was totally out of the clear blue. We than received a letter stating it was a 30 day temporary ban. 30 days later we were served papers to appear in court, permanently banned, by my older brother “Guardian ship”. We were never told about the Guardianship, he just had a judge sign it. Within minutes one judge signed the 30 day ban, a different judge gave them Guardianship and we had 10 days to find a Attorney. This was virtually impossible with him being the Chief, everyone would say, Sorry we have to work with him. Finally a Attorney who couldn’t take our case found us a Litigation’s Attorney who agreed to take us because he doesn’t work with “The Chief”. That was a Wed. he asked for a Extension to prepare and the Judge denied it. We had to meet this Attorney on a Saturday morning for 4 hours to try to put a case together. Yes 4 hours. That Tuesday the trial began, our Attorney once again asked for a Extension the Judge said NO this trial starts now. Our Attorney turned and look at my sister and I and said, “This is a done deal.” Our Mother was not there, and No Guardian ad Litem, she had no say. Under oath our brother could not even come up with anything we had done wrong, when asked if he had ever gotten any phone calls that we were causing a problem? NO. When they asked the Administrator of the nursing home if we ever caused a problem she said, NO. Two months later the judge ruled a Permanent Ban, No Contact. Our Attorney was livid, he sent me a email saying, “In 34 yrs of practice I have never seen a worse case of Miscarriage of Justice.” It has since been a nightmare, as our Dr. said in 2015 “You are mourning the loss of your Mother and she’s still alive.” She tried calling us a couple times but we are NOT allowed to pick up. I came home one day and Mom left a message on my machine, “I Love You and miss you and I haven’t seen you in 3 yrs. “ I have never erased that message. Nobody knows what we have been through, 5 Christmas, 5 Mother’s Day, 5 Thanksgivings, 5 years we can NEVER get back. In 2017 we went back to Attorney to try and turn this around. He said, “In 37 yrs of practice I have only taken 1 case to the Supreme Court and it was nothing compared to this.” We decided to hire him again, he quoted us a $$$$ over the weekend my sister and I decided we couldn’t afford it, we are both living on Social Security now, we are retired. I sent the Attorney a email on that Monday and told him not to move forward. He replied, “No one should have to make this decision and you two do not deserve this, there was 700 pages of testimony and they still couldn’t say what you did wrong.” Well last Oct. we decided to represent ourselves, went before the Judge and begged him to let us see Mom, she’s now 92, he gave us 15 minutes a week, supervised in this small room. When the time is up Mom grabs our arm and begs us not to leave, she’s crying, I’m crying it’s so hard, we debated after a few weeks if we could keep putting Mom through this 15 minutes. My sister did ask this Judge why he wouldn’t give us a Extension? He replied, “You know why!!! Because you girls had caused so many problems at the home your Mother was this close to being evicted.” He had already made up his mind before we went into court in 2014, geese…. guess who had told the Judge what horrible people we were, but yet nobody could say what we did wrong. I did *67 my Mom’ two days after my birthday last summer and she answered and when she heard my voice, she just kept saying OMG, OMG I dreamt about you last night and now I’m talking to you,OMG. And OH you have made my day, wanted to know if I was gray? She said, “It’s been 5 birthdays since I’ve seen your face.” During our 5 minute talk I told her, we’ve been doing everything to see her, we have never given up. She said, You never gave up? NO. She said, Don’t ever give up,keep trying til the end. After we said Good Bye a nurse went thru her phone, she called my brother who went there that night and screamed at Mom because she wouldn’t tell him who called so he took her phone away. That was 2018, she has no phone. We just went to court again, our brothers are trying to take our 15 minutes away. So once again I had to hire a Attorney to save my 15 minutes, this has been going on since Nov. 2018. We have to spend our money but yet they are spending Mom’s money to keep us away. She wants us so bad but yet they are allowed to use her money to stop it. Mom is still alive but everything is gone!!!!! Last May he sold Mom’s house for half the market value to his daughter. Every Attorney we hired has asked for copy of the original Trust, he has never given them a copy. In 2002 when Dad and Mom wrote up the Trust they told the Attorney on more than one visit, “If anyone gives Barb a hard time or contest the Will they are automatically out.” I would consider the last 13 years a hard time. Our phones have been tapped since 2013 that we know of, Mom’s Aide said she would testify who causes all the problems because I’m the one who has to calm her down when they leave. Well the day before court in 2014 she was met at the front door of the nursing home and told if she testified she would never work there or in the health field again. We subpoenaed the Attorney and he was a No Show. The Judge definitely did our brother a favor. Even his partner, before becoming a Judge, read the ruling and said, This doesn’t even sound like him, yeah he definitely did your brother a favor.” We paid $700 for the Transcript, and it was edited, stuff has been removed. We can never get back the years we have lost with Mom, never. No amount of money can give us back Mom, all we want is someone to investigate this, have him and these Judges exposed. They have made us look like horrible daughters. I don’t know how Mom has survived this nightmare. In November of 2017, Mom attempted to slice her wrist. When I heard this I asked a relative to go see her and find out if it’s true. Yes, she told my cousin, “I know I get to see my girls when Im dying, so I thought if I cut my wrist I would die and I could see the girls.” My cousin took a picture with Mom wearing these sleeves so it doesn’t happen again. Our brother even has her mail held so he can go through it before her. A friend of Mom’s from church sent her a card for her birthday and then went to see her about a week later the card was not in her room. Her friend asked her if she got it? NO, she said, I send you a birthday card a Christmas card and a Easter card every year have you ever gotten any of them? No. We’ve tried everything we can think of, with his power we are screwed we will never get a fair trial in this county, he has known every judge here for over 45 years and I talked to the county attorney and he laughed. If anyone has any ideas we are open for anything. I have written every State Senator, The Governor, 20/20, Dateline, Nightline etc…… I’m sure he’s probably reading my emails too, he stops at nothing, he’s above the law .
my sister lived next to my mom and had MPOA and guardianship. I live 2 1/2 hours away. Without my mom knowing or my brother or I she forced my mom into assisted living even though she was living independently on her own and doing well. It has been a nightmare ever since and a 2 year court battle to get her home. Because my mom had no idea she was leaving her home and going straight to an assisted living she freaked out as did I. The facility in Rochester Michigan began immediatley drugging her to restrain her emotions. She has been on a psychotropic drug that causes dementia, parkinsons, memory loss and a host of other 150 detrimental side effects. She went in walking and talking on her own, communicating well to becoming wheelchair bound and over medicated. My sister would not let us talk to the doctors or have any information regarding my mom. We have been batteling in court and the court system sucks. It’s been a nightmare to say the least. We were trying to get her home but my sister destroyed her home that she lived in for over 60 years by keeping the heat low during winter months which caused a water burst and utterly destroyed her home which is like an art museum. She had my mom sign a quick claim deed to her other mansion up north to ensure she would inherit it. So much more but it has been a very expensive fight and my sister is draining my mom financially by using over 50 thousand already on her lawyer of my moms money. Something definitely needs to be done about elder abuse in Michigan. It’s criminal when parents own children have absolutely no rights.
My heart goes out too your family . That evil bitch step mother should be in prison for murder. I pray she is convicted she definitely kill
The late great Casey Kasem, he was a great icon I grew up listening to him . Rest in power Mr . Kasem 🙏🏾🌹
I was 2x overdosed for 16years ;I went to Dr. that did this and fired him ,I still needed a another Dr. ,they gave me one ;same hospital I went to see her they KIDNAPPED me and held me for over 2 1/2 months against my will;my friend is the one that saved me ;Other I could only imagine what they were planning to do with me It’s Still KIDNAPPING ,and I can’t find an attorney willing to take my case ,I need help finding somebody ;otherwise they will do it again to somebody else.I sure hope you can reveal this to show their true Creditbility,Thanks Kasem
I have a question. We daycared for 2 of our grandchildren for 9 years. Daughter-in-law pulled the kids away. We can not see them. They put a 5 yr no contact on me.
They moved to another city, changed cell numbers. I have noticed my health is going down. Anything I can do, thanks
We had been married for over 40 years. He needed to go to hospital and the crooked county set about stealing our life. They stole everything put me in jail for 6 months for loving my husband they said terrorism that they made up cashed in a hundred thousand dollar annunity that was due in ,
2018 for we don’t know how much I was my husband durable power of attorney but public administrator said he didn’t have one. She lied about everything and the crooked judge be gave her full control over my husband. His spine was pinched off on the railroad and we had a cervical and lumbar lamentocmy to open his spine and the nursing home used the wrong kind of lift on him and pinched his spine off again. The guardian said he had a stroke and all other kind of illnesses which he didn’t have just to pad the bill at county owned nursing home . You can read the whole story at medical kidnap Helen Taylor. I got him out of the nursing home in July 2017. He still doesn’t have dementia like the public administrator says. But the crooks in Morgan county Missouri still won’t let us have his money. He’s still paying the crooked lawyers.
I was kidnapped by 2Doctors & A Hospital in Colorado and held against my will only for telling the truth /I’m asking you to call before I go to the media!7206921630
I am the caregiver with living will designation, POA and on deed to her house. I take care of my mom, pay her bills for her, supply food and necessities, drive her to doctor, and clean/visit her house daily. In the past month have had her stay at my house every night because of increased impairment of judgement and memory.
She often calls 911 for various reasons that she in minutes forgets why she did that. Officer Fitzgerald is a witness as he came to most of her 911 calls and knows of the a severe decline in her abilities to rationalize reality and illusions she is having.
She has become totally not herself past two weeks right before my sisters visit with mean and occupational remarks that her sister and others such as the neighbors and handyman and I have noticed. I need to have her diagnosed of some kind of imbalance asap. last time i took her to doctors i had to say we were going fr my brother as she will not go willingly recently. She also is scared of leaving her pets and being put in nursing home besides other things.
Cynthia, my older half sister, arrived in Jax, 3/23/19 saying she forgot her phone in California. She not seen my mom in over 10 years – never lived here, where my mom and I have lived here for 38 years
She was and is answering all my mom’s calls and listening to conversations when my mom talked to me
I went to see her at my mom’s to tell her to get another phone and to give my mom back her phone on 3/24/19. She then called 911 when I got there and filed two false police reports by coercing my mom into doing the same. Both saying that I hit them when I did not I was just attempting to get my mom’s phone from my sister. My son is my witness that I never left doorway and saw me every second I was there as he was watching from in truck parked in front of front door, Also Officer Fitsgeral who filed report said no evidence and was very disturbed by my sister and knows my mom well frm multiple 911 calls weekly and sometimes daily.
She had my mom take my name of Vystar joint bank account 3/26/19, even though my mom is incapacitated.
Kidnapped by sister as have not been able to find or talk to my mom since 6pm, Tuesday 3/26/19. After handy man said they mentioned they were going to California. My mom appears to have taken her dog and many pictures and belongings and left with my half-sister I believe to San Francisco, Ca. where my half-sister lives.
Goal- Prohibit my sister from being with my mom and stop any further abuse or corruption against me or my mom.
Iam a pastor in Kenya and my second born son died of TB last year.It is unforgetable memory but God is in control.We(our commuinty) are living in acute poverty and hope you will consider our situation and console us in any way possible.God bless you
THE TRUTH ABOUT ELDER ABUSE:((
Is Our FB Site Is Dedicated To: LCDR-Donald Glenn Miller – 11-9-2006
ORS-164.145 – Criminal Negligent Homicide – 2 Million Dollar Financial Exploitation.
We Are So Sorry About Mr. KASIMS Terrible Elder Abuse Story. He Was So LOVED By So Many People It Is Sad Beyond Words!
We are pushing very hard to get JUSTICE for Donald G. Miller – As Per Our State of Oregon Department of Justice – Elder Abuse Unit Docs Posted On Our Site.
I spoke with DA Paul G. Greenwood about our case & we talked about all the great work YOU Are Doing! THANK YOU FOR YOUR EFFORTS:))))
Love Steve & Bobbi MIller – 503-341-8692
My mother’s husband died. For six months she was isolated. Removed from her state of birth & her then current residence to SoCal. In this system was isolated, medicated & all her rights taken away. When she spoke up in court she was medicated & headphones placed on her. She never spoke up or interupted again. Her phone was taken in court. She was denied phone calls & visitation with her only child and her dog was taken from her. She complained her pills had changed color, increased in amounts and were making her feel sick, weak & dizzy. She was then placed in memory care with a roommate that physically assaulted her twice leaving her unable to sleep for fear of being assaulted again or being killed in her sleep. She was fitted with a permanent monitor tracking device around her ankle. She states she feels like she is in jail. My mother will either go crazy or die in a situation like this.
How do I help her?
I fired Dr. Mark C.Spitz (Chief of Neuorology at University of Colorado Hospital) they gave me another Dr.So I could Refills on my well needed MEDS to controlled SEIZURES;He along with Dr. Chantal O’Brien And the Hospital KIDNAPPED me when I only was in to see O’Brien for check-Up and refills ;They put me on the 6th. FLOOR for 2 1/2months against my will instead making my home FORCLOSE and became HOMELESS;Is That JusticeMexica American Indian ISTHT JUSTICE/My #720-692-1620 CALL ME
My mother and I fled the country in 2016 to escape a fraudulent guardianship, to save her life, and are currently living in exile in Greece. Our story was featured as the keynote presentation at the AAAPG event on February 20, 2019. An expanded written version of our story is also posted on the site, and our interview with Dr. Sugar is on YouTube where you can meet my kind mother who regained her health once we escaped (AAAPG victim video Joanna Bougalis). We hid across the country for two months before being granted emergency passports for our safety by the Greek Embassy, and hid in a Monastery once we arrived. I recently spoke with Rick Black who notified me of your upcoming conference. I hope the presentations can be made available online! I would like to help in any way to fight for victim rights. Please let me know if I can be of service. Thank you for advocating! My Twitter is @ioanna2277.
I need some advice. My mother has dementia. She moved to Florida about four years ago to be near my youngest brother. There are three of us left, my brother in Florida, my brother in Maryland and myself in Georgia. Mom lived in her own home until last summer. My brother and I would talk on the phone and we were fine. He would vent about being the caregiver but there were no problems. I should say that he has shown excessive animosity towards my other brother in Maryland. I started trying to reach my caregiver brother last June and my caregiver brother stopped taking my calls and texts. In September I found out that my mother was in a facility and had been there since June. To this day, my brother will not tell me where she is or the name of the facility she is in. I can talk to her on the phone if I go through my brother but he plays games and won’t set a time so we frequently miss her calls. When we do talk to her it is only 5 minutes or so and the calls are very infrequent. My brother has POA over her so there is little we can do. My other brother and I being in other states is slowing things down. Money is limited and hiring a lawyer is expensive.
1. What are my rights? My brother in Maryland and I are very upset about this. Mom is
80 years old and may not have much time left.
2. If we do find out where mom is, do we have the right to go visit her? I have called
several facilities in Melbourne Florida where they live. I was told that if my mother
was a resident in their facility if my name was not on the visitation list, we could not
Did I mention that my mother has approximately $500,000 in cash and property.
What do you recommend? Is the law on our side? I have not seen my mother in over two years and am heart broken.
My big sister unfortunately took her own life 4years ago her husband had her cremated since that day he refuses to tell me what he has done with her ashes i am tortured by this is he allowed to do this i am her only living blood relative please if anyone knows of anything I can do get in touch as it’s hurting more & more & not sure how much more I can take of this
Number one, if you are deemed incompetent, you are still allowed to choose who and where to live…the courts must by law allow their choice to be honored. This is overlooked with judges.
Second, if you are denied due process to choose legal representation (they cannot go into nursing homes and offer services) then all of the judges determinations are VOID…not voidable just having no judicial authority at all.
Most law enforcement will ignore this and just the first page of the court “record” will prove no attorney on record…
A judge that denies due process is not authorized to make any further decisions.
Acting as a layman and can be sued…has no judicial immunity in any jurisdiction.
If a person is incapacitated, this means they need help dressing and toilet duties.
This does not mean they do not have a mind to decide where and who to live with.
Strokes happen in the brain but that doesn’t create the inability to think or to determine them incompetent…
We must all realize, if a person is not allowed calls, or visits, then they are being violated their Bill of Rights as a resident in a nursing home or they are being abused if they are in a private residence. These people need a voice and not in the courts direction. The courts are the problem and this needs immediate and widespread change.
My prayer and hope is to take probate or family issues away from the one judge one lawyer decision. This must not be for one person to decide and needs to be removed from the courts opinions. I am sure there are honest judges, and attorneys, but most are not and they are greedy and paid by some political agenda.
Understand there is not one organization or group or agency or lawyer will go against the corrupt illegal court decision. Lawyers will lose all cases in front of the judge forever more.
It is my opinion we need in every state a jury of people to do the investigation upon a request of someone to be moved from their current situations. Then a report can be submitted to a judge from various jury of people doing an investigation.
If they are in a nursing home, or private residence, they need to be immediately rescued and released to where they want to live and who they want to live with…ASK THEM if they want to return to their spouse or children or who they want for their care. Find out their advance directives being ignored who they listed.
People on the “Alliance Team” need to be granted authority and law enforcement needs to assist to rescue these individuals and keep the peace in removing the loved ones from their abuse of isolation, improper medications, no therapy to improve their lives, and causing detrimental deterioration of a once healthy individual.
Elderly do not have time on their side and this is an immediate request to rescue them.
Ex Parte all the requests, and get them back to the people that love them and they wanted to care for them.
My man is currently being held against his will, never wanted to removed and isolated and not given any therapy in 2.5 years! Stealing his ability to recover if not freed soon.
It is my opinion if a judge orders such cruel and unusual punishment because a person is incapacitated from a stroke like mine and has speech issues so nobody will take the time to listen, then that judge needs to be removed from ever practicing law ever again in any capacity. It should be viewed by their superiors, the judge is incompetent to make a healthy decision and this is a disability to remove their powers and duties.
Denying a person their choice and constitutional rights is the basic foundation of law. If a judge didn’t adhere to these principles, they are void in the name of the law and the persons rights should be immediately restored along with their voting rights. No person should lose their freedom from corruption in the courts process.
NO VETERAN SHOULD HAVE TO FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEN THEY FOUGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM ALREADY. NO PERSON SHOULD BE DENIED THEIR RIGHTS AND CHOICES IN AMERICA. THIS IS THE VERY DOCTRINE WE LIVE BY, FREEDOM! WHAT GIVES THE COURTS THE RIGHT TO STEAL THIS FROM ANY PERSON THEY SO CHOSE…? MAY IT BE GREED, PREJUDICE, BIAS, OR ANY OTHER UNJUST REASON, THIS IS NOT LEGAL AND SHOULD PUNISH EVERY JUDGE THAT DECIDES TO IGNORE THEIR OATH. EGO GETS IN THE WAY AND UNFORTUNATELY THE ELDERLY ARE SUFFERING.
My man is Clarence A. Leith, aka Cal his initials….
The case started with
Petition for Evaluation of Competency
(by his 2 sons Kelly J and Kelly P
(who Cal has since disowned in the court hearing)
(he was determined competent by state licensed social services)
Ex Parte (emergency need) for Guardianship and Conservator
The guardians requested closure of the case, it was not necessary, he is being cared for by me and there are no concerns and he is competent to make his own decisions and to honor his advance directives.
Clear cut but the judge denied this? Why? Unsure still to this day!
To date there has never been any other order than this original invalid one… ??
In my case the emergency guardians assigned, evaluated Cal, the hospital he was rushed to evaluated him and they released him back under my care the next day!
The guardians determined him competent and requested the court allow us to return to AZ and close the case.
We returned to AZ and had a hearing by phone, where the judge asked what my intentions were? (the judge was pissed off we returned to AZ)
I explained all the care from professionals coming to the home and we were doing therapy speech and physical (we had an awesome speech therapist) and gave the court all the specialist names. I stated improving his abilities and loving care to live independently has always been my concern. I love him and nobody seems to understand this being our age difference…but people do not understand our deep connection and genuine love and care for each other…!
In the hearing the judge covered the microphone to have ex parte communications with the other side planning their next move. Additionally, the judge admitted in the hearing that she didn’t have the required documents to meet the order she has in place and asked social services to see if she could find any provider that could get to that determination or if one is already made, but didn’t believe what she had was the necessary documentation to meet the requirements….
Later realizing what she was asking for…She determined a man incompetent without any doctor verifying this for her determination.
All this information was used against us, and 2 days later was issued a temp restraining order. This got him strapped down and kidnapped against his will, paramedics were called after the cop asked if I wanted to be arrested for still being there and served an hour ago…I told him I cannot leave him alone….so the cop called paramedics and they went in and came back out…they stated he does not want us in there…so they were at a loss what to do…I had a friend there who volunteered to stay with Cal, the cop refused, Cal was supposed to remain in the home, but the cop refused and the paramedics called the doctor in charge of them….and the doctor informed the paramedics to take him out of the home….therefore it took 5 guys to go in and force him to be strapped down and carried off…OMG! The worst day of my life Oct 13, 2016 Cal begged me to not let anyone take him from me and they would arrest me if I interfered, I cry every day for this failure on my part to protect him from this evil unjust action.
I have Cal’s wishes recorded just prior to the cop arriving to kidnap him!
I have proof of everything I state and documentation to verify what I say from the social services and from APS…
Mind you just one week prior, APS adult protective services after 18 months of investigating with 2 separate case workers, one Native American Lady and One Black Man decided in the 4 serious charges I was facing, there were NO CONCERNS and CLOSED THE CASE. yet this judge without jurisdiction and without any valid reason issued a VAWA restraining order…then collected 3.2 million Sept 2018 for VAWA.
My hearing came up with the MN judge and mind you she had no jurisdiction of any authority to do what she did…I asked her why I cannot see him? They moved him to a private residence with 11 state violations, I had none! Nobody in AZ was allowed to visit him as they may know me and this wasn’t allowed.
They had to be put on a list and the list would be then decided by the judge who would be allowed…but nobody was approved that did adhere to such ridiculous terms! I asked the judge how can anything be meaningful if where he is moved to doesn’t know him and Cal is not verbal, allow me to assist in his care if this was required for Cal for whatever reason….
Her reply was, He will want to come home with you, and I cannot have that!
Mind you this is not a valid legal reason to separate under a protection order. The judge threatened me if I look for him she will move him and then carried out her threat. No order of protection was in place according to the Mesa PD but she moved him anyway…The judge is not to fill out any order they are to just sign it….when the person is fearing for their life…Cal didn’t fear for his life until they kidnapped him out of our safe secure home…
I was going crazy and I did find him so I applied for guardianship in AZ as soon as their expired! Because they slandered me so bad the AZ court wouldn’t even look at all the evidence I have supporting my case against them.
All untruths by the court by the people in charge of his care and by the attorney assigned to investigate…she was not on his side protecting his rights…she worked for the courts, and recommended I not be allowed to be near him.
By the time court hearings in AZ were held, by the judge denying my petition for not knowing exactly his location or because I put Jr. on one form and not the other, the judge didn’t know if it was the same person, denied my petition for various petty reasons then claimed me to be frivolously filing so many times and denied my ability to file again. I was under such duress I couldn’t believe they would refuse to hear my proof and the case….but they already moved him against his will back to MN.
In the hearing he told his sons he didn’t want to return to MN!
Cal has been isolated in a 1 star nursing facility ever since not cared for and Medicare confirmed drugs do not match diagnosis and refused the claim, they have given him medication previously refused or confirmed allergic to and ignore anything and everything pertaining to his health. Cal is a 4-5 star kind of man…when it comes to taking care of himself and me and anyone he cares about…Cal is a generous man helps people whenever he can. He will give his last buck to someone if it would benefit them. He would save his change and roll the quarters and hand out to any veteran he saw on the street…! If they asked him for a cig…he would give them a roll of quarters…or what he had in his carton plus a roll of quarters…whatever he had…
Cal is in Golden Living Rehab not receiving any rehab since Dec 2016…He is not on reservation land, he is not under county authority, he is in a state facility but privately owned, and there is nothing filed at the home to keep him there.
I do not have any order of protection and yet I am still not allowed any communication or visits of any sort.
The court ignores all my filings and just acts like this is ok…
Ex Parte guardianships expire after 60 days in MN and according to the National Guardianship Act 90 days….Not renewable as this would be seen as controlling their lives. The judge offered to a criminal son, this is against the statues, and ignored the fact I was there to care for him.
22 years together and I am not allowed to be considered a person/caregiver in his life.
In the first place they were able to erase his memory with Ativan in 7 months.
I got it back by visiting him and taking him home.
But was arrested in Nebraska.
The law would not charge me with kidnapping as Cal knew who I was,
where he was going, and wanted to continue on the trip!
The hospital exam found Cal was dehydrated from them not giving him enough nourishment…in fact he cried to me stating he has no meat on his bones all night long….In AZ never was he dehydrated, and he had meat on his bones. What does that tell you? But they arrested me and spent 40 days in jail and they sent him back against his will again.
They dropped the felony charge and I requested the misdemeanor charge to go to jury trial, they refused and put a warrant out on me instead…this warrant prevented me from visiting my granny in MN on her 102nd birthday and funeral Sept 2018…I tried to negotiate and self surrender, but because I will be viewed as a flight risk, spending another 60 days is possible until a hearing will be allowed if the judge has a busy schedule…that would be 100 days on a misdemeanor!
The charge is abuse and neglect for not taking his meds with me (the ones he is allergic to) I had his normal meds with me. The meds that works for him, they didn’t know this…and refuse to drop their case with no proof or give me a jury trial…
The additional charge is for not taking his nutritional drink with me.
What do they know about nutrition when he cried for not having any meat on his bones and was dehydrated.
I can prove countless doctor reports under my care he was a well nourished man with cognitive functions and an intelligent man. His cardiologist stated he is a very lucky man to have me by his side…
but the one judge will not allow him to be with me….WHY?
HOW DO I GET HIM BACK UNDER MY CARE? THE MN DA WILL PROSECUTE BUT THEY DO NOT INVESTIGATE, SO WENT TO THE FBI TO INVESTIGATE, THEY REFUSE BECAUSE OF THE WARRANT.
NO ATTORNEY WILL TAKE THE CASE AND THEY CANNOT ASK HIM IF THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION ALLOWED.
I HAVE REPORTED TO APS 2 TIMES NOTHING HAPPENS,
I HAVE WENT TO OMBUDSMAN LOCAL REGIONAL
I SUBMITTED TO THE VETERANS ADMIN IN MINNEAPOLIS,
HE IS NOT IN A FEDERAL VETERANS FACILITY TO BE TRANSFERRED BACK
SO NOW WHAT…?
A VETERAN DENIED HIS DUE PROCESS, HAS NO HELP TO PROTECT HIS CHOICES AND RIGHTS AS A MAN WHO FOUGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM.
SUFFERS FOR NO REASON!
THE ONLY REASON GIVEN IS HE WILL WANT TO COME HOME AND I VIOLATED HER VOID ORDER TO REMAIN IN MN WITH HIM….
A JUDGE IS MORE CONCERNED WITH COMPLIANCE OF A VOID ORDER THAN THE HEALTH, AND CHOICES MADE BY A MAN OF HIS OWN FREE WILL?
THIS IS SO WRONG…
WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS?
I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND MISS HIM TERRIBLY!
Now their side will be….
I directly ignored a judicial determination and caused him detrimental harm by traveling with him in his condition…
She will say I checked him out of hospitals AMA…against medical advice
This was always at Cal’s request…social services asked him this in their determination of his being controlled by me or if he had decided on his own to check out…he confirmed it was always him and his choice….he has many sensitivities to medications, and the hospital personnel would not believe me and gave him meds on the list not to give him…one time instead of being released he was put in ICU on a nitro drip because of this…many times I would put him in the hospital for uncontrollable blood pressure and they would make him worse…and he would want to come home and I cannot blame him for self discharging…I have pictures to prove this too…I document everything…so yes I took him home and nurse him back to health….we finally found the meds that work for him and they now are refusing to give him this med…causing him detrimental harm and life threatening issues…
He has high blood pressure and had a stroke…right side paralyzed and speech affected but he could stand and pivot to the chair or car or anywhere…
So according to the judge after a stroke you cannot travel anymore?
I knew how to lift him and had all the equipment for comfort at home…
They had him in a bed that wouldn’t work with the controls…
No extra padding for his hips that hurt if laying in bed too long,
no therapy at all, to improve his mobility, no bottled water by his bed, nothing!
All her orders are void from no due process anyway
In the hearing I asked if he would be attending to say his side…with the TRO…
I asked where is his lawyer? Judge stated he has people looking out for his interests…and then ignored me
I asked what about his advance directives on file and he named me if ever incapacitated or incompetent I would be the one to care for him.
The judge replied…I trump that and lets continue with this hearing….
Now she will claim that I am not stable and need psychiatric evaluation and determine if I am competent to care for him with his medical needs…?
Excuse me….? I will not jump through any of her hoops….to delay time!
She will just be blowing smoke up someone’s ass…and I hear the judges make the same determinations….and use the same words…
meaningful, and without the approval of this court, and in the medical state they require the treatment, and more stupid lines that make no legal sense if you have any cognitive abilities to determine right from wrong…
In my opinion she needs an evaluation to determine cognitive reasoning to know when she has the authority to cause the slow death of a man and to find out if she knows the laws she has violated and if she knows she is acting criminally by ignoring all the state statues, federal laws, guidelines and Acts in place and to see if her ego is the reason for the illegal actions and causing detrimental life threatening harm to a man who wishes to die rolling down the road in the west scenery and not die lying in one place in a 1 star nursing home…
she needs to be evaluated to see why she thinks she has the right to violate everything about what she is to protect and she needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent….
But they will state I am crazy and want to be sure he will be in safe hands and she states that I abuse his meds, and think I can do a better job then professionals…
Excuse me but if you ignore his previous doctor reports confirming meds he cannot have and yes I can do better than they can…I can provide love and care for him not like any nursing home will…I love him they do not care…so yes I can provide for better care than a 1 star nursing home…The therapist even stated when coming by our home for therapy that it is the first time he saw walking bars at home…I had them for Cal to practice…he was walking and talking…yes I did provide better care and can prove it…!!
Her original intention was to keep him in MN and give me walking papers out of town and never be allowed back…thus the reason for the warrant…
but I left with him first and she admitted she is having to do this not in her normal order of things…but will have to adjust accordingly….
My man fought for our freedom and I will be his warrior for his freedom forever until I get him back under my care…I pray it is sooner than later…or she needs to be charged with reckless endangerment and premeditated murder of a man, additionally violation of his constitutional rights and his bill of rights and action without any judicial authority and without any jurisdiction. violating state laws, and the book needs to be thrown at her in Supreme Court and she needs prison time disbarred and an award of 10 million dollars for kidnapping and having co-conspirators assist in her plan! Taking the last years from a man when it was clearly stated what his desires were and ignoring them from an egotistical standpoint….and all in the name of her family who sued Cal and didn’t get the property and so it is actions for her family of lawyers and debt collectors that she is purposefully torturing him….and this is even a bigger wrong to be disbarred for…Jessica Ryan/Kramer attorney in Minneapolis… Messerli and Kramer debt collectors and lawyers… and she is acting as a tribal judge in Morton MN part time.
(a judge that holds phone hearings and doesn’t even show up herself half the time)
She is not a member of the tribe, but will not let me in on the information because I am not a member of his tribe…so I am excluded in all hearings…that concern Cal…my man of 22 years….together and never apart for more than 30 days in those 22 years…
Tribal jurisdiction is 10 mile radius not 1700 miles away in AZ…and she has no authority at all with me being a white girl…and we lived in AZ 2 years prior to her illegal TRO…. giving us home state jurisdiction in AZ…
I can prove this too…everything I say I have proof…either verbal written or documented copies for prosecution and to get Cal immediately removed from the Golden Living Rehab 1003 West Maple St Olivia MN small town no receptionist, he is behind locked doors, isolated without anyone that cares or loves him…
Need an immediate emergency injunction and have him returned to me…
and the Federal Marshalls arrest her…
Make a bold statement for all the other judges to take notice…
But I cannot file anything or attend from their shenanigans….of a warrant…
MN only body only…so I am just kicked out of the state of MN and they Renville County have no proof to go before a jury trial…
it needs to be dismissed and erased from my record.
480 334 3867
p.s. I LOVE YOU CAL WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND I WILL BE YOUR WARRIOR WHILE YOU CANNOT DEFEND YOURSELF…I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU FOREVER…PLEASE STAY STRONG FOR ME….I MISS YOU AND CRY DAILY FOR YOUR RETURN…IT HURTS ME I FAILED TO PROTECT YOU FROM THE MONSTERS IN THIS WORLD…I AM SORRY CAL…PLEASE BE STRONG…SO YOU CAN RETURN TO ME…I WILL FATTEN YOU BACK UP…AND IT IS LESS TO CARRY WHEN I GET YOU WALKING AGAIN…I STILL HAVE ALL THE EQUIPMENT INCLUDING YOUR WALKING BARS… AND WE WILL HAVE THE WALKER PATENTED WITH YOUR NAME YOU INVENTED…SEE YA SOON…OK…I PRAY! MAY GOD PROVIDE THE WAY FOR YOU TO COME BACK HOME UNDER MY CARE…ASAP
Jan 22, 6:56 PM PST
Please respond to me I am dealing with a psychopath and a blatant boastful pathological and congenital liar. He brags that he get’s things done and get’s what he wants by being an outright liar. I have an e-mail from him where he takes pride in it He along with his uncle colluded to separate the woman I have shared my life with for 32 years to separate us with no warning for his vicious unmitigated greed. I have never seen her again. The daughter who was made her legal guardian won’t tell me where she is and is lying to her that I never want to see her again. She has deliberately blocked me from any contact with her after she bought a condominium for herself. This woman along with her brother and their uncle are vicious greedy monsters
I had a seizure and my caregiver was assisting me because I had got out of the car and people thought I was getting assaulted and called the police. The police did not say why they were there and assaulted me and my caregiver and arrested us with false charges. We have video and injuries.
My father met his abuser the night she was a substitute caregiver for my stepmother….the night my stepmother died….
Less than a month later, at her Memorial, the abuser was present, comforting my father.
My father was in his late 70’s. The abuser in her late 20’s….
Within months, the abuser had moved herself in to my father’s home, unbeknownst to any of our family.
When we came to visit Dad, we were reintroduced to his “girlfriend” /abuser.
She was drunk and sobbing, telling us her Uncle had just died in Mexico, but she couldn’t go because she had a warrant out for her arrest. Two red flags!
The next day we were watching football on t.v., one of my dad’s favorite pastimes. The abuser again drunk, stormed in and turned off the t.v. When my husband told her we wanted to watch this, she went into a tirade, yelling at all of us. Another red flag.
My father paid for the abuser’s 3-month stint at rehab. She was allegedly clean, sober, and had found religion.
Our family tried to be supportive, even though our instincts told us otherwise.
Shortly after this, I received an email from Dad’s former co-worker. She asked if he was ok, because she hadn’t received any of his email jokes. After asking my dad about this, his friend received a message from the abuser, telling her to back off. Then, his Facebook account was closed..then his email account….
At that time, we did not know there were steps we could take to help our father.
In 2015, when Dad told us he was going to marry her, our hearts sank. We did ourt best to be sure this is what he really wanted, and to his legal and financial issues were protected.
Despite our pleas for reconsideration, in June, 2015, the abuser wed my father.
Our family was there to support him. Dad was extremely and uncharacteristically nervous. Even then we told him he could back out, but he didn’t. At the reception , her family and friends taunted our family. Two ladies tried to seduce my husband and my married brother. The abuser’s cousin slapped my daughter, because she didn’t want to join the bouquet-tossing ritual.
Our family exited the scene so that things didn’t escalate further.
The next day, Dad called to scold my daughter for her behavior, never acknowledging that the abuser’s family member had assaulted her.
In less than 24 hours, the lines were drawn. Lots of red flags.
Soon, we weren’t even able to contact our father by phone or text, without having to go through the abuser.
In August, 2015, Dad changed his Will. Much to the abuser’s displeasure, he still left the majority of his Estate to my brother and me.
This is when the physical abuse began (or perhaps escalated.)
In November, 2015, we received a call from Adult Protective Services, saying that our father had been physically abused by his wife/abuser. Someone had finally stepped forward to help my father.
My brother and I immediately flew to California to be with our father. We learned that the abuser had kicked him repeatedly in the ground, the abdomen, the back, the legs.. She poured coffee and salt on him, while he lay helplessly in bed.
We learned that, a week earlier, Dad had fled to my uncle’s house, saying he was scared, and that he feared for his life. He told his brother that the abuser had previously stabbed her mother, and that he feared for his life. However, the following day, Dad called my uncle, saying his abuser had done nothing wrong, and that it was his fault.
We learned that the abuser had broken several cellphones, took away his desktop and laptops.
We helped our father file a restraining order and a petition for divorce.
In December, 2015, the abuser’s criminal attorney asked that we drop the restraining order, and offered to orchestrate the divorce. Against my better judgment, my brother took Dad toyhe lawyer’s office to sign this agreement.
The abuser moved to Long Beach, so we thought our dad was safe.
We got Dad a new cellphone, with a different number; we got him a new laptop and email account.
Over the holidays, Dad visited our family in Denver and Phoenix. He was finally able to enjoy his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, without having to worry about looking over his shoulder.
However, by the end of January, the texts, emails and phone calls became less frequent. He was more elusive about his activities, and he canceled plans with his brother .
We knew the abuser was back!
The isolation became even worse than before. My brother and I kept in touch with Adult Protective Services and at times, called the Newport Beach Police Department to do welfare checks.
We knew that something would happen, but if we could thwart the abuse, we would do what we could.
We suspected the abuser was monitoring his text messages and phone calls. Dad was cautious and guarded about what he said on the phone.
My brother and I felt helpless, and did not know there was anything else we could do to help our father. It was especially frustrating because we lived so far away.
We began checking out the abuser’s Facebook, looking for clues about what she and our dad were doing. Interestingly enough, there was nothing about our Dad. Instead, her page included photos and posts about her numerous concerts, trips and travels all around the world… Vegas, Palm Springs, Fiji, Mexico, and Europe! During this time the abuser was not working, so it was apparent who was paying for her extravagant lifestyle.
In Jun, 2017, I was contacted by the Orange County Conservatorship Office.
One of our father’s financial institutions had contacted the office about suspicion of financial abuse, and that action needed to be taken.
My brother and I had to make a decision about what to do. … let the County begin the Conservatorship process, or have us apply for Conservatorship to protect our father. We did not want a stranger to do this. We willingly accepted the responsibility. And when we did, we never realized the rollercoaster ride that was ahead of us. The following 18 months would be a joyful, yet heartbreaking journey.
Our lawyer filed the petition for Temporary Conservatorship and in July, my brother and I were in charge of protecting Dad. Our first act was to kick the abuser out of Dad’s home.
I stayed with him the next four weeks. His abuser continued to call and text, filing a petition to have “Visitation.”
The Court granted this, allowing for lunch dates and and one sleepover per week, as long as the time periods were adhered to. This agreement was short- lived , as the abuser did not abide by the rules. She picked him up at a neighborhood park, and left with him.
I called the police, and as I would come to realize, were not very helpful. It didn’t seem to matter that he was under temporary Conservatorship. In the officers’ eyes, they were married and had every right to be together.
Once again we had to file a restraining order. Yet, the abuser continued to contact him. Although my father and I got along, there was always a bit if resentment about the Conservatorship. He falsely believed that we initiated this process, and that we were only doing this for money.
In the meantime, I took Dad to medical appointments and psychological exams. Was he under undue influence and stress, of the abuser, when he made his financial and personal decisions?
According to the psychologist, “Yes.”
In August, my brother arrived to take over Dad’s caretaker duties. Unfortunately, by this time his abuser had poisoned Dad’s mind so that he was barely speaking to either of us. Even in her physical absence, she was influencing his thoughts..despite the restraining order.
What my brother and I did uncover is :
That my Dad/abuser changed his will four times between Feb. and April 2017.
That there was a “death cabinet” filled with Dad’s box for his ashes, an engraved necklace and mini-urn, a guestbook, pen, and boxes of Kleenex. All of this put together by his abuser…
That there were numerous “t.v.” Life Insurance Policies purchased.
That one of Dad’s stock accounts, including joint accounts with my brother and me, had been manipulated – most of which was transferred into their joint checking account.
That there were numerous ATM withdrawals, from their joint checking account, taken out 3-4 times per week.
My brother and I showed Dad these financial abuses. He didn’t seem to understand, or Want to understand.
The Probate judge, new to the department, proceeded cautiously and ordered continuance after continuance.
This extra time allowed for the abuser to move back into Dad’s home, as my brother and I were not able to stay with our Dad. We had to go home to our jobs and our families.
The abuser hired and fired at least three attorneys to represent my father. She hired and fired at least three attorneys to represent herself, because she filed a Petition to be his Conservator!!
During this time, we were, once again, cut off from our father. We saw him during from our almost monthly Court visits, but if he even looked our way, his abuser would admonish him.
In March, we went to one of our hearings, and to our surprise, our father and his abuser did not show up. The attorney advised the judge that Dad was in the hospital. We were concerned, and asked where he was, so we could go see him. We were never told, and spent the next few hours calling all the hospitals and clinics in the OC area. We found out he had been in the e.r. with respiratory issues,, but then released. We could not find him. He was not at home.
My brother and I took our legal documents to the hospital, stating that we needed to be notified on all medical decisions.
Days later, Dad was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and malnutrition. We spoke to APS and they contacted the hospital social worker to let her know of his previous abuse. We cakked several times per day to check on Dad. We were told that his wife had been causing problems, and that she had been asked to leave. When they asked Dad if he wanted her to return, he said, “No.”
He was later taken to a rehabilitation center to regain his strength and nutritional needs.
We also contacted the caseworker there.
We soon learned that she was back and causing problems. We then received a call from Dad’s nurse. That Sunday night in April, the nurse said that Dad had checked himself out of the rehabilitation center, and that his wife/abuser, claiming to be a Hospice care nurse, put him into an Uber and she got in her car and followed it.
We told the nurse to call the police and to go to Dad’s residence.
Once again, the police did nothing.
Then…less than a month later on May 10, 2018, we got a call from the Newport Beach Police. Dad had been physically attacked by his abuser/wife. She took his phone so he couldn’t call 911. Dad was able to make it to his neighbor’s house. He called 911.
The paramedics bandaged Dad’s bloody arms and legs, where she had hit and scratched his fragile arms.
The paramedics wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused.
Our aunt and uncle went to be with Dad. During this time, the abuser came back. She was angry they were there and told them to leave. After arguing in the bedroom for a few minutes, Dad told her to leave.
About 11:30 p.m. that night, the abuser came back again. As he was sleeping, she
struck Dad in the head with an unknown object.
The next morning, an APS caseworker came out to check on him and asked that he be taken to the hospital for his bloody head injury. During this time, she questioned him about what had happened.
Dad said that a Court investigator had come to the house to question him about the abuser’s fitness to be his Conservator. Dad was asked if she ever drank, and he truthfully answered that she did. When the investigator left, the abuser became furious with him, and starting beating him.
We soon learned that Dad had suffered a brain hematoma.
The next day he was released with Home Healthcare coming to help him with wound care, physical, occupational
and nutritional therapy.
My brother and I flew out to be with Dad. He was extremely relieved to see us.
The NBPD had issued a warrant for the abuser’s arrest. She was arrested and charged with multiple felonies, with a $250,000 bond. However, at the appearance, this was reduced to $100,000, so she made bail. The Court also issued a 2-year Order of Protection.
The Conservatorship had still not been decided, so we were unable to take Dad our of the state to live with us. So, we
hired a part-time caregiver and a counselor. He continued to get Home Healthcare Services and my daughter went to stay with him until our October October date.
We had contacted his lawyer to redo his Will. We filed a petition to annul the marriage. This is what our father wanted.
We were finally granted Conservatorship in October. Although we wouldn’t have the official paperwork for a few weeks, the judge allowed Dad to be taken out of state.
The next day, my brother and I moved Dad to Arizona. We enjoyed the trip and made precious memories. A week after he had been with me, we had to take him to the hospital. He was weak and had a UTI. The following week he went to rehab to become stronger. However, he became weaker and was unable to do anymore therapy. He was taken to Hopice and died peacefully on November 2, 2018.
Although we had filed for annulment, the correed petition wasn’t officially filed until November 1. And because Dad had moved to Arizona, his California attorney couldn’t, or wouldn’t, redo the Will before he died.
On December 19, a retiring Orange County judge was offering " fire sales" to most of the defendants on his docket. He was practically giving Holiday gifts to the defendants, whether or not justice would be served. My dad’s abuser/ wife was offered a plea of one year in County jail, with three years probation and an anger management class. She took this offer, pleading guilty to four felonies.
Last week, my brother and I were finally able to address the abuser. We gave our Impact Statements to the new judge. He was moved and told us he was bound by the retiring judge’s plea offer, although he didn’t agree with it. So she was sentenced on January 31. However, she is still walking free because she doesn’t have to report to jail until March 29th.
She has filed a property petition to receive our father’s money. We have filed a wrongful Death and Elder Abuse case.
We will continue to fight for our father.
We would appreciate any help, tips, etc.
I’m a victim of strangulation a senior citizen married 30 years divorced one year walked away with nothing the judge won’t do anything nobody will help me now I have no car I lived in and I was homeless and I need someone to take control of the situation I live in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done but I have suffered for 30 years and now I’m still suffering please help me my name is Robin Abel my email is firstname.lastname@example.org. . I have another hearing Feb. 25. My car blew up and my x husband of 30 yrs. Did 3 MONTHS in jail .not for strangulation and smothering me, for breaking the pfa. I just had a stroke and I can’t take anymore. I owe my attorney 2000.00. For nothing. Please help me. Robin abel. My x now has my dog. I can’t take care of her, I have little use of my legs. She was my depression dog and I know he won’t take care of her. He’s drink 24 hours a day on vodka and has terrible anger management. He poured a box of carpet fresh all over the house the week before the strangulation and 7:00a.m.. he was drunk as can be. Three me down on floor, and told Mr to lick it up like the filthy bigger bitch I am. Now he wants me to pay him for supposeingly selling his tools.. he did a walk thru the house and took thousands of dollars, of tools and his Harley Davison and he denies all of this please view this publicly to all domestic violence agencies and anyone u want to. I was not allowed to have one cent for anything. He controlled me totally.
Hello, I am so happy to learn about your foundation. I am very interested in sharing my story. My story is old and it is a cold case. However, I viewed the documentary about Kasey Kasem’s illness . My mother had a similar situation in some ways. I see that Kasey Kasem had a Parkinson’s like syndrome that affected his mental faculties.
My mother was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma in 1992. A glioblastoma is a lethal brain tumor that manifests with a major seizure. In my mother’s case it was time bomb that lived in her end for quite a while until it erupted as a major seizure while she was driving home from work. She told me she started having “strange thoughts” and not feeling right so she pulled the car over. From what I can discern she must have gotten out and started walking around the car. During this time she suffered a major seizure on Route 87 and other drivers must have called an ambulance. when they saw her thrashing around on the ground. This was the end of life as I knew it with my mother for 24 years.
After she was taken by ambulance to the nearest emergency room facility she must have first called her boyfriend.Then he called my Grandmother ( an alcoholic for years who greatly interfered with my childhood.). I want to stress the fact that I was not called and had no idea this was going on. I continued to live in Long Island enjoying a fools paradise. I was in for a ruede awakening.
Blood tests and a cat scan were performed at the emergency room .Dots appeared on her cat scan and she was told that she could possibly have a brain tumor. She was sent to Columbia Presbyterian in Washington Heights, New York City.
I don’t think my mother wanted me to worry so she tried to hide her diagnosis from me.
Unfortunately for me, if she didn’t want me to know things it would be hard for me because I did not live with her but he did. Let me just discuss my concerns about him. I never knew him to hold a paying job during the course of their relationship.He was a kind of a house husband who was around the apartment all the time. I believe that she was supporting both of us on what was a good income from I B M, but not a great income. I resented the fact she had to support her boyfriend becausese he came from a family that made money in the insurance business and they were quite wealthy. My mother and I were by no means wealthy. She had college bilsl and was paying my rent.
Her boyfriend unfortunately, saw my absence, youth and naivety to gain a strong foothold over the situation. My grandmother was no help, she was not interested in being family to me. As a result of this I was not invited to the exploratory surgery to diagnose her condition. I started to just receive phone calls from distant family members and frankly I had not seen or dealt with these folks in years. I got a call from my “Aunt” if you want to call her that because she was not even a biological relative to me. She was married to an Uncle who I had not seen in at least five years. I was told that my mother had a malignancy on the brain and it was bad. She went on to tell me that if she did not get treatment with chemo, surgery and drugs that I could expect to have her around for three months. However, if she did get treatment then I could expect 15 months. Let’s not forget we are talking about a 44 year old with a good job at I BM and supposedly a whole life in front of her. That’s what I always thought. For the next couple of month’s mentally I lived in a fools paradise thinking everything would work out some how. While I was off franticly trying to figure out how I was going to manage without her support in my life. When I say support I mean support in every way, financial, emotional because she was really my only family. He was going behind my back changing the status of their relationship from unmarried to married. I was so naive at the time I just did not see that coming. I should have. I just got the photos from the wedding and she looks like she was absolutely drugged during the ceremony. I assume he gave her way too much of the drugs from the hospital. I read that they give benzodiazepines for glioblastoma patients and I think he gave her a pretty strong dose. I know the location of the wedding and it is a place for liberal causes that liberal people go to work on issues of passion. He must have manipulated some minister from one of the churches surrounding the place. I don’t think he allowed the city of Nyack to witness her condition when he applied for the marriage license. She could not walk very well. She could not talk very well and there is no doubt in my mind she could not even think very well. He manipulated her so called friend into being a witness. He is the one who messaged me the photos. After that he proceeded to make every important decision for her whole life while I blindly got slapped with all of them. The first decision he made that hurt me was to take her to the Galapagos Islands for 6 months. Then he took her to Alaska. Whatever visits I got with her, she did not share anything much about her life with me and stupid me didn’t ask. I can tell you that she did not behave like the spoiling, indulgent mother I always knew. No. I call her tumor mother. Tumor mother behaved in a way I did not like. Tumor mother was rejecting, strange and unloving. She was quite indifferent about seeing me and when she did she chuckled and behaved like a child. This was part of her condition. My big problem with all of this is that no one had any obligation to inform me she was terminally ill and I was dealing with a married mother, who I knew to be single. Well, this had a major impact on my legal rights. My whole family knew but I was the last to know she had been married. Truthfully they didn’t care because this was better for them,. She would not have to go to a nursing home and they would not have to lift a finger to care for her, so it benefitted them to keep hiding her from me and lying to me.
I walked around in shock and kept trying to cope by showing up for work and getting threatening phone calls from creditors regarding college loans she took out while she was “well” that she could no longer continue to pay. I got raped in a rooming house which further added to my grief. I still continued to get “invited” to see my mother. So I went. Every time I would go, I would get the impression that she did not even know I was there. Well, all the lucid time she had left he robbed me of by stowing her away while she was still somewhat lucid. When she arrived back from traveling I acted real hurt. So I am told they decided that I would be “happier” not seeing my mother because it made me anxious and irritable. No, it’s just that she decided to take whatever time she had left and not share it with me. No, he decided. Frankly there was not much point to our “visits” he took hold of her surgically cut up an zapped mind to minimize the importance of her relationship with her kid.
Here comes the big kicker. I see her for the last time on Christmas. She is so far gone, I don’t think she even knows I am there. She was allowed to die in her now husbands parents house with my grandmother taking care of her. My grandmother is registered nurse who was fired and disgraced for stealing drugs from Maryknoll. She had no residence of her own to call home and she was very cruel to me. She treated me like a stranger all of the sudden even though we had somewhat of a relationship. She forgot all about it. She must have overheard conversations about power of attorney and health care proxy, rights of disposition and so forth. I am not sure if she was drinking while she took care of my mother. I suspect he took out insurance policies on her life, and the purpose of the marriage was to make medical decisions but also to steal whatever my mother had me named as the beneficiary. I am told not to worry about this because her medical bills were so out of control his plan did not work out. He also spent too much money on the trips. He is still living on her social security and he says that his life was affected negatively by his “marriage”. I just want to add that the final phone call from this"Aunt" was to tell me that my mother died. Then she rushed off the phone with me. I hung up the phone in a haze. It just so happened that I called in sick from Mc Donalds. I wasn’t even supposed to be home that day. I called my grand mother to ask how she had died and I get this shortened response saying, well there was simply no pulse Joan. Now for the final slap in the face. I get “invited” again to what I think is a funeral. My “uncle” throws me into the back of his car and drives to Putnam Valley from White Plains. He then goes and picks up my Grandmother. My uncle asks my grand mother if she is okay and she says yeah, she has her sedatives. She does not even acknowledge the fact that I am sitting next to her and say hello to me, or anything else. We get there and I find out that she was cremated. No one told me at all beforehand, or discussed it on the way home. My suspicion is that he wanted some insurance money and he said she never smoked. Truth be told she smoked quite a bit. She even had the beginning signs of emphysema. I am not told where her ashes are and I am trying to get that now. Yes, I am trying to get that information 26 years after the fact. Her family didn’t ask her “husband” and they don’t want to discuss the matter with me. They don’t think I have a right to know this or anything else about her care, her well being, her finances, nothing. I had to fight very hard and act as a self appointed private detective in her life to get them to deal with me at all. I figure all the decisions regarding her care were fraudulent because they were made by someone who is not actually next of kin. Who was next of kin? I was. I just trusted people who lied to me and I did not know how to deal with this monkey wrench life through at me. My mother and I got very hurt.
The whole point I am trying to make here is that, there are no safeguards in place for the terminally ill. They are allowed to marry. Insurance companies don’t need to see in person who they are taking policies out. The hospital didn’t look at how long they were married or when they were married. I should have been informed about dire consequences regarding this marriage and her medical condition. I shouldn’t be learning that I am the victim of marriage fraud, medical fraud, social security fraud and a family full of immoral people Where was my right to be notified that she lost her mental faculties years before her diagnosis? Why am I finding out all of this now?
I could have had a better understanding of tumor mother. I could have been informed she wanted to be cremated. I could have had more visitation with her before her health declined to the point of near death. I feel so victimized overall by my family, that creep she bought home. I don’t want to see anyone get victimized when they are tragically informed they are going to lose a young parent. Not they way I was. It hurts. It will always hurt. I don’t feel any of the people who made major decisions about her life in her final days care about her they way I do. In fact my love and devotion to my mother was nothing more than a complication for these folks who really were takers in her life. That is my story and I definitely want it seen and read.
If you have a new person in your life that a parent has bought home. Be informed. Be a Detective. Know your legal rights. Don’t live in fools paradise like I did. Even if your parent says this person is alright, go find out for yourself. Most importantly, ask your parent, Do you intend to marry your new boyfriend or girlfriend. MY mother did not intend to marry her person. She let me know she had been taken advantage of from her hospital bed and I didn’t want to get her upset so I didn’t pursue it any further. In my case the problem had gone undetected that she was the victim of a user and a manipulator. I could not do anything about it. But if you ask for a prenup and stay in your parents life, do ask questions and make your decisions according to what your gut tells you.
Thank You for letting me share my story!