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You’re not alone. Please share your story here so that others can benefit from your experiences. We can help each other heal and can take action together.

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    Lisa shared a story:

    In April 2014 some of our family visited my nephew and his wife in TN. We had a great time and we left on great terms as we have during any other visit. In October, 2014 my 35 yr old nephew had a stroke rendering him unable to speak for himself and leaving him with total left sided paralysis. When he had the stroke his wife didn’t call 911, but had him walk to the car and she drove him to the hospital. It was a couple of days before she called his mother to notify her. His wife allowed his mother and brother to visit once right after the stroke and after that, she immediately and completely cut him off from his family and no one to this day understands why. The only reason I have thought of is that she has asked his mother and step-father for money in the past and many times they helped them out financially by paying at least for medical bills as well as given them other things (computer, car). We think the wife eventually got upset that after continuously asking for money, his parents suggested helping them with a budget, as well as paying their medical expenses and we think that it upset his wife that they didn’t just keep writing out blank checks to them.

    I use the word “sociopath” when speaking of his wife to our other family members because she, to me, displays those signs. She is hurtful, manipulative, controlling, shut-off and she has convinced everyone she knows (from her family, work, and church) that she is the victim and that no one should speak with us. For her to convince so many others of this tells me she is good and knows exactly what she’s doing. She is also very well-spoken, well-read, very intelligent, and excels at her job from what we understand.

    At first she allowed my nephew’s best friend to communicate with only my nephew’s brother and only when and how she dictated. Eventually, she realized she was putting the best friend in a difficult situation and she since has asked some man she knows to serve as a “mediator”. He clearly is not a professional, objective, mediator- most likely just a friend of hers.

    To make matters worse, when my nephew was transferred from the hospital to the dilapidated state-run nursing home he is in, we weren’t informed of that, and the Home wasn’t informed about him even having a family or friends. We found out that his wife didn’t even go see him for the first month and everyone who worked in the Home thought that he had no family. She then started going to see him, how often, it is not known.

    Recently, she has “allowed” his mother and step father to see him and only through planning the visit with her “mediator”/friend. Eventually she said that anyone could go see him as long as they let her know. We think that is only because at the Home they really don’t care who goes in there (scary, but in a way, good for us). That’s how it stands as of today.

    Since his stroke his wife didn’t inform any of the doctors of his very significant past medical history. He had leukemia as a child, received chemo and radiation, has had a lot of negative side effects through today due to those treatments and has been part of a research study at St. Jude’s Hospital since then. His wife has no idea of the danger she is putting him in by not relaying ALL of his medical information to the treating doctors. What is worse is that since she moved him to the Home, he’s had no physical/occupational/speech therapy and we understand he has also had more seizures and strokes since his admission into the Home. We fear he will only continue to deteriorate physically as well as mentally and emotionally from being kept away from his family. We even wonder if the reason his wife has alienated us is that maybe she encouraged him to stop taking his meds since they were giving him problems, and that’s when he had the seizure and stroke. Maybe she’s afraid we’ll find out she had something to do with the condition he’s in now.

    His mother isn’t even asking to make decisions for him, all she and we want is to be able to see him without interference from his wife and his mother, who works in the medical field wants to be able to communicate with doctors so they have important information that they need for his care.

    After all this time of thinking she would come around, his mother, father, and step-father finally consulted with an attorney. The only thing he offered them was filing for “conservatorship” for his medical care. But if they file, the concern is that it will only upset her and then she’ll cut us off completely again.

    This situation seems like a “hostage/kidnapper” situation with her calling the shots.
    Never in our lives did any of us think we would be in such a situation. There has never been any person in our family like my nephew’s wife. I keep saying that this seems like something that should go on 20/20, Dateline, or could even be a Lifetime movie. We just aren’t sure how to proceed from here.

    From what I’ve read, it looks like this Bill pertains to elderly people, but we now see that the bigger picture is not only the elderly, but really any person unable to fend for themselves, which could be at any age. Maybe this bill will get some things in motion. I am very sorry for what your family endured. Thank you for taking the time and effort to create such a positive outcome from a sad situation.

    Tom shared a story:

    My Dad passed away in January 2013. Since then my mother has been surrounded by my sister’s. Making me more and more uncomfortable as time passed. Until late 2013 when my sister and brother created a family separation. That ended my relationship with them and my mother. My mother has turned into a scared and vengeful person. Because of the manipulation from my two siblings. They have talked her out of spending time with her youngest son (me) and my son her youngest grandchild. Even by talking her our of attending my wedding, not giving me her forwarding address. Now, she is forced to relay all communication with me through my sister. I believe she is being controlled and manipulated at every turn. My sister or the company she works for control her lease. So, she is fearful to invite me to her home. No one should have that sort of power over someone else.

    Carol shared a story:

    Happening to my brother now….spent 3000.00 just to b able to visit n I don’t have money

    Justice shared a story:

    Here is a scam occurring on Kauai. This story is not the only documented case. Other heirs of Hawaii Attorney Nancy Budd’s deceased clients have since came forward claiming the decedents were also victims. Even though we have several cases of elders in Kauai being defrauded through their living trusts which were all drafted by Attorney Nancy Budd only a few short months before their deaths, Hawaii agencies have yet to investigate, report and hold any of the ones involved accountable. SENIORS BEWARE!! A professional solicitor exerted undue influence upon a 75 yr old, elderly man, in poor health in Hawaii. Who only hired the estate planning attorney to draft his estate plan. The attorney who was also a board member, council member, legal advisor and fiduciary for the non profit charity The Hawaii Community Foundation drafted her associated charity into the mans trust for half of his entire estate. Hawaii Attorney Nancy J Budd drafted, witnessed and notarized the mans trust which gifted $500,000 to her nonprofit. After the elderly man met with Attorney Nancy J. Budd he was found suspiciously deceased exactly 7 months later in Kauai. Here we have a Hawaii State Board of Education member, who scams her elderly estate planning clients via her own private practice. As well as with her position as a board member of The Hawaii Community Foundation nonprofit charity. Please share this story! It could happen to you and your family. Hawaii Elder Law Estate Planning Attorney Nancy J. Budd Yamakawa Nancy Budd. This case needs to be investigated. The complete story can be viewed at the following link: judicialcorruptionnews.com/nancy-j-budd/

    Jennifer shared a story:

    A Grandmother in Peril
    By Jennifer Warner

    I desperately fear for my 100-year-old grandmother’s well being. She lives in Sonora, CA (Northern California, east of Modesto). As a child, she rescued me from foster care and took me in as her own, but now my hands are tied so that I cannot take care of her when she needs me the most. The person who has tied them is a man of nearly absolute power: he controls the very air that she breathes and the food she is allowed to eat. He is her court-appointed Conservator and is set to control her estate once she dies. Until then, he controls her food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and in-home personal care. As he himself has proudly declared, he “basically controls her life.”

    This man was trusted with his lofty position due to a family conflict over how my grandmother’s money would be used to pay for her growing care needs. He came with an impressive sounding title—California licensed professional fiduciary—and was touted as a fair and neutral third-party who would help diffuse the conflict. He was given the job only after an extensive interview process, during which he represented to me that I could continue caring for my grandmother on a day-to-day basis and could continue supervising her medical care. Once he had the job, he drastically changed course. During the month of November 2014, he isolated my grandmother from her family. We had to come at certain times of the day, and all of our visits had to be closely monitored by privately paid caregivers who reported back to the Conservator. One of those caregivers put towels in my grandmother’s windows so that no one could see in. The Conservator also instructed the caregivers to unplug my grandmother’s phone for most of the day.

    On Dec. 2nd, the Conservator arranged for liquid morphine—a powerful respiratory depressant—to be delivered to her home to help with respiratory distress, which none of her family members could detect. He instructed her caregivers to administer the morphine “as needed” for her supposed respiratory distress. He was undeterred by the fact that they were not medical professionals and some had never even given morphine before. In fact, he boldly insisted that he himself could put the morphine in her mouth—despite the fact that he has no medical training other than basic first aid. Had the morphine been given to my grandmother, her precious life may have been cut short.

    Deeply troubled, I filed a report with Tuolumne County Adult Protective Services. APS forwarded my report to the Court Investigator in the Probate Court that appointed the Conservator. I went to local law enforcement, and they also determined that my concerns needed to be handled by the Probate Court. I filed a complaint with the Conservator’s state licensing board, and an investigator requested a copy of the Court Investigator’s report to help her figure out what to do. I received one message loud and clear: only the Court should monitor its own.
    Meanwhile, the Court Investigator assured me that she would look into my concerns and would present her findings to the Probate Court Judge. She went on to craft a report that fully supported her colleague, the Conservator. Just recently, it was confirmed that the Court Investigator did not even investigate the facts underlying my concerns, but, instead, reported information that was favorable to the Conservator—even when much of this information had not been corroborated. Despite my several requests to change Conservators, the Judge has kept this Conservator in power. And, yes, she gave great weight to the Court Investigator’s report.

    In explaining the reason for the morphine, the Conservator stated that my grandmother had less than a month to live. I was not allowed to verify this prediction because he had taken away my ability to communicate freely with my grandma’s medical professionals. However, when I observed my grandmother, I saw no significant decline and so I intervened so that she would not receive the morphine. When I finally could speak to the medical staff, they had no idea where the Conservator’s dire prediction came from and they explained that the morphine had been prescribed only as a precaution.

    Nine months later, my grandmother is still alive and proclaiming that she wants to hit 101. Yet protecting her delicate life continues to be a struggle. The Conservator finally gave up on the administration of morphine, but, since then, I have witnessed a whole host of other suspicious happenings.

    My grandmother is supposed to be on 24/7 oxygen, yet her oxygen has sometimes been left off for extended periods of time and her oxygen level allowed to plummet. Rather than showing concern about her falling oxygen levels, the Conservator implemented restrictions on how often family members could check her oxygen level.

    On two different occasions, my grandmother had a medical emergency, but neither the Conservator nor the caregivers called 9-1-1. It is probable that the first was a mini-stroke, but the Conservator would not allow the test that would have confirmed this diagnosis. And the caregivers who were on duty at the time refused to answer any questions about what happened. Her quality of life has not been the same since.
    My grandmother has also been confined to her bed for over four months—even though the doctor keeps saying that it is safe for her to be helped out of bed and she has two caregivers on duty around the clock. A woman who used to walk miles a day and is still strong enough to stand now spends her days looking at the walls of her bedroom. Not only is she missing out on some of life’s simple pleasures, being bedridden puts her at risk for several medical problems, such as pneumonia, bedsores, and muscle atrophy.

    When I speak up about these troubling occurrences, the Conservator ignores me. According to him, I need to stay in my place and be “just a granddaughter.” Never mind that my grandmother raised an assertive woman who is now a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Care Manager, specializing in older adults. I must learn to submit to the authority of a man who took a 30-hour course and passed a two-hour licensing exam.

    And I already know what will happen if I bring my ongoing concerns to the attention of one of the agencies charged with protecting older adults. Any report will boomerang back to the Probate Court to investigate one of its own. So the Conservator keeps his job and escapes accountability. My grandmother’s health is continually at risk. And I cannot escape constant worry and stress. I receive my mandate to look out for my grandmother from a Higher Authority, and no Conservator—and no Court—can take that away from me. And so I muster the courage to share my story and, in so doing, I hope to regain some of my personal power.

    Wende shared a story:

    After two years I no longer had the financial means to fight in court to get my mom back. My cousins took control of my mother who has Alzheimer’s After my dad died – even had a diagnosis from a neurologist. Within three months my cousins had every asset of my moms turned over into their name and within two years married her off to a family member. He now controls her and will not allow anyone to see her and takes her out of town often to keep us away from her. My mother wants to see her grandchildren – hasn’t seen them in years but he just took her out of town again. This battle has worn me and my family down and would appreciate greatly any help and support. Thank you for what you are doing.

    Lisa shared a story:

    I heard this is a great organization to help victims of elder abuse. Who can I contact for more information?

    Laurie shared a story:

    My name is Laurie. I am the youngest of 5 children. My mother passed away in 1998 at the age of 75. My father was 76 at the time of her passing. My father was in great shape and thankfully was able to continue on.

    I need to lay a little foundation in regards to my siblings and their geographics in relation to my father. The eldest child, born in 1943, lives an hour from my father. The second child, born in 1944, lives in Idaho, many, many hours from my father. The third child, born in 1951, (now deceased) lived in New York City, many, many, many hours from my father. The fourth child, born in 1959, lives in Los Angeles, many, many hours from my father. The 5th child, me, lives/lived in the same city as my father. I was always referred to as the “baby” by my mother & father, the child who kept them young! I was born in 1963, a 20 year difference between me and the eldest child. 19 years between me and my sister, who has now taken complete control of my father.

    As the story goes, after my beautiful mother passed away in 1998, my father was physically well………..I remained close to my dad, travelling with him, sticking by his side as he and my mother had been married for 55 years when she passed away………..he was a little lost to say the least. He did eventually pull through and began living his life without my beautiful mother at his side. I remained in the same town as my dad, just to make sure he was fine. In 2001, July/August, his 80th birthday was fast approaching, August 27th, he and I planned a trip to visit his second eldest child (my sister) and her family in Idaho. My dad was going through a bout of depression at this particular time in his life, not sure what he was going through, just knew, it was not pretty. Prior to understanding that my dad was in a really dark place, I had planned my annual big summer trip to the lake with friends (approximately two weeks before he and I were going to Idaho for his birthday), as I was packing for the lake trip, my father looked in to my eyes, and with despair in his eyes he asked me to please, please not leave him alone. I very vividly remember driving to Albuquerque (an hour from Santa Fe) with my dad in the car, seated next to me, to two of my very, very best friend’s home……….there they had the motor home out, the boat hooked up to the motor home………filling the fridge, filling the coolers……….they asked if I was ready to go…………..my response was, “sorry, my friends, I am going to have to sit this trip out, something very deep is going on with my dad, and I can’t leave him alone”——my friends as wonderful as they are, asked him to come along……..my dad was in a very, very dark place and he did not want to go………..I thanked them, my dad acted as “normal” as he could with them, and we drove away. I must admit, my dad had not ever, ever made a request of that nature to me, I knew something terrible was going on with him, and I was not about to leave his side. About 10 to 12 days later he and I made another trip to Albuquerque (60 miles) from home, it was while we were in ABQ that my sister called, she was adamant that I take my father to his attorney’s office to sign some documents before we left, got on the road to Idaho……….remember we were going to Idaho to celebrate my dad’s 80th birthday. I told her I was really busy tying up loose ends before we we left and that I would get him to his attorney’s office in due time, her response was, ‘you cannot leave Santa Fe without him signing the paperwork at his lawyer’s office’——-she was beyond adamant, I should have realized at that moment something was up. She also told me I had to pick up 500 lbs. of saltillo tile, load it in the trunk of my father’s Lexus and drive it to Idaho, as she was having a home built and wanted my dad and I to deliver her tile to her…………..talk about dangerous. However, as we did return from ABQ early afternoon, I drove straight to the saltillo tile store, loaded the tile in the trunk of my dad’s Lexus and then proceeded to the attorney’s office. I drove my dad up to the door, he got out, I told him I was going to park the car and then I’d be in. I did exactly that and went in to the attorney’s office. My dad had already been taken in to a conference room, where I was escorted, he was there with the attorney. I was greeted by the attorney and asked to have a seat. My dad had some documents in front of him and was being given direction as to where to sign. I asked my dad if I could look at the documents prior to him signing, he looked a little perplexed, but said, ‘yes, go ahead’. As I read the documents, I was in absolute disbelief, these were the documents my sister was adamant my father sign prior to he and I getting on the road to Idaho. The documents went as follows: I, Joseph J. Martinez being of sound mind and body, do herby remove my son Mark Lawrence Martinez as executor to my Will, in removing my son, Mark Lawrence Martinez, I herby appoint my daughter, Lucille Martinez Allen, as executor to my Will. In the event Lucille Martinez Allen cannot act as executor to my Will, I herby appoint Michael Allen, (Lucille’s husband) as executor to my Will, in the event, Michael Allen cannot act as executor to my Will, I herby appoint Terry Dee Elmore, (Lucille’s daughter, Mr. Martinez’ granddaughter) as executor to my Will. In the event, Terry Dee Elmore cannot act as executor to my Will, I hereby appoint A.J. Allen (Lucille’s son, Mr. Martinez’ grandson) as executor to my Will.————————-
    I pushed the documents aside and asked my dad if he knew what he was about to sign, I asked him if anyone had called Mark in NYC and told him, that he was being removed as executor to my dad’s Will…………I also asked my dad, with the attorney present why he would be inclined to leave Lucille’s family in charge of his entire estate. My dad told me that was not his intent, that was not what he wanted, he asked ‘why would I have Mike, Terry & A.J. in my Will to make decisions when I have my own children to make decisions’, I told him I would have to agree with what he had just said, and that is why I wanted him to understand exactly what he was about to sign, all of that entire dialogue was said with the attorney present. I then called my sister, my call went unanswered. I then called my niece and told her to have her mother call me immediately, I explained that I was in my father’s attorneys office, and was in disbelief of what was going on, my niece made every excuse in the book as to why her mother could not call me at that moment, I told her I’d give her 5 minutes to have her mother call me. Within 3 minutes my sister called, she began screaming at me, telling me I had NO business in there with my dad, it was his GD Will and he could do whatever he pleases with his GD Will. She then asked to talk to my dad, I handed him the phone and she began screaming at him, telling him I was not anything but a trouble maker, why did he allow me to go in to the attorneys’s office with him, what he was doing was not any of my business, I do not pay my bills, I was not supposed to know anything about what he was signing……….she told my dad she would not ever help him again, she was yelling four letter words at him…………..all the while I kept saying very loudly to her, “Lucille we can hear every word you are screaming at dad, the attorney is in here and is listening to every word of abuse you are screaming at dad”———-she was not listening to me, I doubt she could hear me, she was so angry she had been caught “red handed”, her final words to my dad, ‘take your GD will and shove it up your a$$’——then she hung up on my dad. My dad was shaking like a leaf in a heavy storm, the attorney had water brought in to my dad. The attorney also removed the document from my father and told him what she had observed in the past moments was that he obviously did not know what he was about to sign, and that he was not in his right mind (sound mind)——-the attorney also told my father, she was not about to, perhaps, lose her law degree/license or be disbarred by allowing him to sign the documents. With that being said, my father and I left the attorney’s office. The next day I returned the saltillo tile and, needless to say, the trip to Idaho was cancelled. I wanted to do something special for my dad for his 80th birthday, his depression was worse due to the episode in his attorney’s office, and he was extremely despondent his daughter spoke to him in the manner she did, due to not getting her way. I called my brother in Los Angeles and asked if dad & I could drive out and celebrate his 80th birthday in California. My brother said, ‘of course’, we were more than welcome at his home. My dad and I drove to Los Angeles and stayed with my brother, celebrated his birthday and had an awesome time!!!

    Fast forward to July 2002, not a year later…………Lucille was able to get my father to Idaho and completely have a new Will/Trust drawn up, through a lawyer in Idaho. I was removed from my father’s Will/Trust at that time. (She was determined she was going to make me pay, because I had stopped her shenanigans 11 months prior, and she did.) I was completely removed from everything. What she could not accomplish in Santa Fe in August of 2001………she got done, 11 months later, July 2002, in her home state of Idaho, with the help of a lawyer in Boise. I, of course had NO idea of what she was able to accomplish. She was able to get my dad to Idaho, take him to a lawyer, and coerce my dad to do what she could not accomplish 11 months prior. I truly wish, I could say this is made up, however, one cannot in any way shape or form make this stuff up!!! She has attempted to tell me, my father did all of the above on his own accord……………….however, my father has NOT EVER, EVER been the type of individual to book an airline ticket, fly to Idaho, land and ask his daughter to get him a LAWYER……………..because he suddenly decided to remove his youngest child (me) from his Will/Trust. Sorry, NOT buying her lies. However, she truly attempted, on more than one occasion to explain to me that is exactly what took place. If you knew my father, as many people do, they know he would not ever, ever do that. She coerced him to go to a lawyer in Idaho, she coerced the entire Will/Trust…………….who has ever heard of a Will/Trust not being able to be changed by the person who owns (Grantor) the Will/Trust (my father, in this case) UNLESS, he asks explicit permission from the attorney who drew up the Will/Trust. Who has ever heard of that? That is exactly what my father’s Will/Trust states.

    If I have a lawyer draw up my Will/Trust documents and later down the road, I choose to go to another attorney, revoke my first Will/Trust………I do not have to ask anyone’s permission, right? Or am I missing something? If I choose to change, revoke my Will/Trust 8 times, that is MY choice, NOT any of the attorneys who, prior to my eighth Will/Trust has drawn up paperwork, am I not correct? According to my father’s Will/Trust documents that is exactly what it reads, he cannot change anything prior to contacting the lawyer in Idaho who drew up the Will/Trust. Why??? Because, my sister made absolutely positive that clause was placed in my father’s Will/Trust.

    The way I learned my father had a lawyer in Idaho, or should I say the way I, once again caught my sister, “red handed”—————I was at my father’s home going through mail, as I still received mail on occasion at his house, I came upon an envelope from a lawyer in Boise, Idaho. I immediately called my brother in New York City and asked him if he was aware that our dad had a lawyer in Boise………he absolutely did not believe me, and asked what it was……….it was an invoice for a Trust. Mark was in total disbelief, so I sent him a copy of the invoice. Mark called and spoke to our father and asked him about the bill from the attorney, he also asked dad what the bill was for, dad told Mark that Lucille had taken him to a lawyer in Boise because it was “cheaper” than a Santa Fe attorney. Mark asked dad if he had a copy of whatever he had signed, dad told him ‘no’………..Mark asked dad if he had his permission to request a copy of his Will/Trust since he was the executor to his original Will/Trust. Dad told him, ‘yes, you have my permission to ask for a copy’———-Mark asked me to type up a document, in order for dad to sign, asking the attorney in Idaho to please send his son, Mark Lawrence Martinez, a copy of the Will/Trust documents that were executed in his office in Boise, Idaho. Then take dad to have him sign it in front of a notary and send it to the attorney in Idaho with Mark’s address, so the attorney could forward the Will/Trust to Mark in NYC. I did type up a document for my dad, I took my dad to the First National Bank of Santa Fe where he signed the request before a notary, she then notarized the request and I mailed it to the lawyer in Boise. Mark waited and waited for the documents to arrive, after several weeks, Mark called the attorney in Idaho and asked him why he had not sent the documents, the attorney became very beligerant with my brother, he told Mark he was not sending him the documents, and to forget the request his father had signed, period, end of story. Mark, was in NYC, his reply to me, ‘short of getting on a plane and flying to Idaho, what was he to do? This asshole told me he was not sending me a copy of what dad did in Boise, what can I do’? Of course, the attorney was not going to release the Will/Trust to my brother, it clearly stated I had been removed!!! Lucille surely did not want Mark to get his hands on that Will/Trust because Mark would not have ever allowed her to get away with what she had put in to action. Mark ALWAYS, ALWAYS did what was right, he had integrity and knew my father would not, solely, without being coerced, ever have allowed his youngest child to be removed from his Will/Trust. Thus, the entire reason Lucille made absolute positive, the attorney in Boise kept my father’s Will/Trust from Mark. I should also mention, through Lucille and her knowledge, the attorney took my condominium, which I have been the ONE & ONLY individual to pay the mortgage since purchased in 1993, Lucille had him place it in my father’s Will/Trust, due to the fact my father’s name is on the title, only with RIGHT OF SURVIVOR, it should not have ever been placed in his Will/Trust………………..once again, who could EVER make this stuff up???? It truly is almost unbelievable…..

    Fast forward to April 2007, I receive a call that my father was in the hospital, perhaps a heart attack. I was on a job 3 hours from Santa Fe, so I called my partner and asked her to please leave her job, go to the hospital and check on my father. Sonya immediately goes to the hospital, she finds my dad hooked up to a heart monitor, however, alert and stable. I get word from Sonya and leave Grants, NM as quickly as possible. I get to Santa Fe, this is a Thursday afternoon, to find that my dad, did indeed have a mild heart attack and was being kept in order to be monitored. Two days later, my sister arrives in Santa Fe, NM. Remember, because of her shenanigans, from 2001, she and I are not on speaking terms. I was at the hospital with my dad, when I turn and she suddenly appears. For me, it was like seeing a ghost……….she just appeared, I had NO idea she was coming to Santa Fe, and she is standing in dad’s hospital room. She immediately starts complaining about how disgusting the hospital is, how filthy the hospital is, how she would not ever be admitted there, she’d rather die than go to St. Vincent Hospital and on and on. I call The Heart Institute in ABQ and get my dad an appointment to be seen on Monday. My dad is dismissed late Saturday afternoon. Because of the situation in regards to my dad, I do my best to get along with Lucille. All 3, (my dad, Lucille and myself) go to The Heart Institute in ABQ on Monday, we find he needs a triple by-pass and a valve replacement. He is scheduled for open heart surgery in 4 days, the following Friday. My brother from NYC flies in, my brother from Los Angeles flies in, as well as his two grandchildren from Idaho. My father realizes how serious this surgery is, and decides he has done something in the past years that he is NOT comfortable with…………..he calls all his children together and announces there is something he needs to address……..his Will/Trust. This is the first time, I find I was removed from his Will/Trust, 5 years prior! My dad does NOT want to go under the knife knowing his youngest child is NOT in his Will/Trust. Unbelievable, but indeed, my father’s Will/Trust very explicitly states he can absolutely make NO changes to his OWN TRUST, without the attorney in Boise, Idaho being notified. (My belief is, that my sister asked the Idaho attorney add that clause, to make sure my father would not ever be able to change anything in his Trust without the attorney in Boise being notified, and then in turn notifying her!) Because of that clause, what happened next is almost comical as well as unbelievable. In order for my father to change that I had been removed from his Trust in 2002, the attorney in Boise, who removed me, had to be notified via a conference call with my dad. My father made the decision to have his children present, my poor dad probably knew the attorney was going to beat on him pretty badly as to why he wanted to put me back in his Trust. The call began and the attorney’s questions went on and on, almost to the point of interrogation, asking my dad as to why he wanted to add me back in to his trust (my sister must pay him very well). After that ridiculous phone call, we all went to a local Santa Fe attorney who again had to notify the Boise attorney in order to get his permission to change my father’s Trust. I know this sounds comical, however, it’s the absolute truth! This was something that had to be drawn up quickly in order for my father to sign, as surgery was fast approaching. Thankfully, the local attorney was able to get it completed, my father signed the addendum, and I was placed back in his Trust. My father underwent his heart surgery and came through with flying colors. My dad was at The Heart Institute exactly one week, from Friday to Friday. He was released to a rehabilitation hospital where he spent 3 more weeks. Lucille departed back to her home, Mark flew back to NYC and his grandchildren also left back to Boise. My brother from Los Angeles did stay to help take care of dad………….as dad was in a rehab center in ABQ, 60 miles from where we live. My brother offered to stay and help with dad as long as he was needed. I’d say he stayed in New Mexico approximately till the middle of July 2007 in order to help with our father. His help was very much appreciated. My dad was now on a strict regimen of pills, as he was now a heart patient. I was solely responsible for taking him to his follow up appointments, making sure his prescriptions were ordered, picking up his prescriptions, getting his prescriptions in to their AM & PM boxes, making sure he took his pills, preparing his meals, washing his clothes, taking care of his cat…………….after my brother departed, I was IT!!! It was difficult because my dad decided he did not need to undergo the 12 months of rehabilitation/therapy the heart doctor recommended he do. My father felt it was not necessary, so he simply did not do it. This was the beginning of his decline. He continued as best as he possibly could, however he slowed down a great deal. I was taking care of his pills, taking care of his cat, making sure he ate, really watching over him………when my sister decided from Idaho she would give direction………she began ordering his pills via the mail, she got him a housekeeper, etc.——- she made the decision to delegate his great niece to control his prescriptions………..it became an ugly fight………..my question to her, why give people who are not his direct children responsibilities for OUR father???? They have their own lives, dad is our/my responsibility, not theirs. She did not care, she did what she wanted. That took place for approximately one year. I then came back in to the my father’s daily life and began taking care of my father once again. His prescriptions via the mail were not correct, I changed them back to a local pharmacy, his housekeeper had decided she had to quit helping my dad. I began, once again taking care of my father………it was at this time I was noticing his memory was not as fine tuned as it had been, this was in 2011——I noticed dad began repeating himself, asking the same questions over & over. At first, I was in complete denial, I absolutely did not want to acknowledge that my dad may be experiencing memory loss………I must say, it is the most difficult thing I’ve faced since the day I was with my mother at her doctor’s office, August 1997, and was told she had cancer. Coming to the realization your father may have the beginning signs of dementia or Alzheimers is a very difficult thing to face. Time went on, day to day events were challenging. My dad still insisted on driving, and usually came home with a new scratch, scrape or dent on his car………of course it was not ever his doing!! I argued constantly with my sister about taking the keys, I knew I would not be able to live with myself knowing if he my dad hurt an innocent person or killed someone because I did not take his keys sooner. My sister told me we could not take his car away, if he wrecked, he had insurance……….the fact she was NOT here and did NOT go through what I did on a daily basis, removed her from any responsibility.

    I’d like to take you to the spring/summer of 2012, my sister and her husband were living outside of San Antonio, TX……..they had purchased a home approximately 20 to 30 miles out of San Antonio and my dad went to visit. I will admit I was not there, but whatever took place the night my dad arrived was truly ugly, as I spoke to him the next day and he asked me to please buy him a plane ticket and get him the hell out of my sister’s home. He told me he wanted to leave immediately, he did not want to stay at her house another night. However, when asked what took place, he could not exactly say…………other than he absolutely could not stand Michael Allen, my sister’s husband, and he wanted to get home. Once home, and for months upon months all my dad talked about was how much disdain he had for Michael Allen………….he told me he ‘hated him’———-I’d ask him why, and the look upon his face was just of pure dislike. How I’d give anything to know what took place the first night he arrived at their house in San Antonio, TX. Lucille did book my dad a ticket home sooner than expected, he probably made life hell for her because he truly did not want to be there, to the point he stayed only a few days, not the duration expected. He was truly, truly disenchanted with Michael Allen for a very, very long time. He was not ever able to tell me exactly what took place because of his memory, but he certainly knew he no longer liked Michael Allen. It was so incredibly bad for my sister when she would call dad, because all dad did was talk really nasty about her husband, she stopped calling him. I remember Lucille asking my dad, ‘what do you want me to do, divorce Michael?’—————my dad was really angry with him. My dad was so incredibly mad, he kept telling me he wanted to remove her from his Will, he would say ‘why would I leave anything to her, she is with that idiot husband, I want them out’———‘as long as she is with him, I do not ever want to see her again’———I wanted so badly to understand what had taken place when dad had gone to visit them, but he could not precisely tell me, other than he had treated him really bad and talked down to him. Therefore he did not ever want to see him again. He also asked that she be taken off his bank account, he no longer wanted her on his account because of the way her husband had treated him and she allowed it.

    12/12/12……….I make my daily visit to see my father……….as I unlock his door to enter, there is my sister and brother from NYC sitting on the couch. Because my dad removed her from his bank account, she called my brother in NYC and asked him to accompany her to Santa Fe to find out what was going on……….I should also note, that the eldest child, my brother had been telling her she needed to make a trip to Santa Fe because I was changing all of my father’s affairs. Amazing, exactly what she has done for years, she was now worried I was doing the same………what I can tell you is my father’s account had all his money in it……….he was being very well cared for, and the trip was made to get her placed back on his bank account as well, as she had a plane ticket to take him to spend Christmas in Idaho, she was going to force him in to being ok with her husband. They were gone within a few days, with my father in tow. Mark flew home to NYC. As it goes, dementia is wonderful in that people do forget, and my dad went to Idaho for Christmas and I guess things went ok. My dad returned from Idaho and things resumed as normal as normal was for him.

    Fast forward to May 2013, I injured my leg to an extreme, I ripped two hamstrings from my pelvis bone, I was barely able to walk, much less help my dad with his day to day living…….between Sonya and I we did get him taken care of……….however, I was told I probably would need surgery in Dallas, TX and would be gone for approximately 8 weeks………I needed to establish a plan for my dad, as I was going away and would not be present to take care of him. I found a retirement home and spoke to my sister and brother in NYC about moving him there……..we all knew he would not want to go, however, his house had become way too big for him………..I was the only one who maintained it, cleaned it, took care of his cat, fed his cat, fed my dad, washed his clothes, cleaned his house……etc. Everything fell upon me and now I was injured and could no longer do his daily duties………..we all decided it would be best to have him live at this retirement home. Lucille and Mike came to Santa Fe and helped get him situated in his new home, they spent a few days cleaning out our/my parents home, then left and told me to have garage sales and donate the rest to charity. As neither of them had any attachment to what was left in my dad’s house, they told me to simply dispose of what was left……..it was extremely difficult because I did have attachments to so much of what they told me to throw away………one item in particular is my father’s only connection to his military seevice, it was hidden away in the garage, my sister told me to get a truck and take everything in the garage to the dump, if I would have listened to her, my father’s military book would be in the landfill…………and now, Mike and Lucille have my father’s military book, Mike asked me to send it to him so he could make copies of it, he told me he would return it to me, since I am the one who found it………yet, he still has it in his possession. If not for me, that book would have been thrown away. I truly want my father’s military book, I found it, and I want it back.

    As it happened, I was blessed and did not have to have surgery on my hamstrings. My father, so we thought was living in a really great place……..however, that was not the case……….the fee to live there was approximately $3,000.00/per month….
    However, that did not include anything!! If we wanted them to dispense his meds, that was an additional $400.00 per month, if they cleaned the cat box that was an additional fee, if they did his laundry that was an additional fee, if they escorted him to dinner that was an additional fee…….he was actually paying a huge amount to have a roof over his head, and once again I was doing everything for him……….I was dispensing his meds, I took care of the cat box, I did his laundry, he would not eat unless I took him dinner……..I was killing myself. Killing myself in that I had a job, I have a family, and every day I was at my father’s making sure his needs were also met…………because of his memory he would not go to lunch or dinner on his own, we would call him 10-20-30 times to tell him to go to lunch…….he would simply forget to go………so he was not eating properly. I would make sure he would eat dinner as sometimes that would be his only meal……..then Sonya began to go check on him daily, take him something to eat or get him out of the building………

    I called my sister and told her dad’s memory was progressively getting worse, he was doing some pretty off the wall things and I truly thought it would be best to have him live in our home. My sister at first said absolutely NO WAY. Then last summer she and her husband made a trip to assess the situation for themselves, they realized that I truly was killing myself and agreed to let me start looking for a home to accomadate my dad as well as our family. We found a beautiful home, much less than what he was paying at the retirement home, cleared it with my sister and secured the house. Sonya and I took care of my father’s entire move, from the retirement home to the new home………without any assistance from family……..I should mention I secured the rental property with my father’s Trust on the lease, that way I protected myself from being left with a huge monthly rental payment, yeah right!!! My dad moved in with us, I spent the first month and a half sleeping on the couch, because my dad only wanted to sleep on his Lazy Boy recliner, he could not remember where the bathroom was and would wake up very confused, so I slept by his side the first month and a half, it truly broke my heart because I knew he stayed up all night at the retirement home, he had his days and nights completely turned around……
    I was told that is called Sundowner Syndrome and that my father had every symptom of that particular Syndrome. He would do things like get up in the middle of the night and take all kinds of food out of the fridge, leave the french doors to the fridge open, then go sit down on his Lazy Boy and fall asleep…
    His dementia was rapid……..it truly broke my heart to see my dad in this manner.

    February 17, 2015 my dad became very agitated and swung his metal cane at Sonya, I was at work, it was evening and as Sundowner Syndrome goes, the individual becomes agitated…..as he did, he hit Sonya and almost broke her hand, he landed up slipping out of his Lazy Boy on to the floor and would not allow Sonya to help him up off the floor. Sonya called me at work and asked me to come home, as she had to go to Urgent Care for her hand. I came home to find my dad on the floor, I asked him what had taken place and he told me something about Sonya running a whore house here at home………once again, completely off the wall. I helped him up off the floor, he was angry but was not precise about what took place, I attributed it to his dementia. He ate, watched tv, then went to bed and the next day woke up as not a thing had taken place………..my mistake, I called my sister and told her what had happened. That was her excuse to move him from my home to live with a distant cousin in Oklahoma City. I told my sister I absolutely did not agree with sending him to live with this particular relative as I knew that all she was after was my father’s money, my sister’s reply, ’you’ve had dad in your care long enough, now I’m going to try something different, it’s not forever’——-my words to her, “mark my words, this is the biggest mistake you will make sending dad to live with her”—-
    Only thing, my sister knew EXACTLY what she was doing, once my father arrived in Oklahoma City, I’d call, my calls would go unanswered or this distant cousin would send a text as to why my dad could not talk to me, tons of excuses…..she had the audacity to answer at one point and tell me my father did not want to speak to me. I asked her why, she could not answer me, I told her she was a liar and the only reason he would not want to speak to me, would be the lies you are telling him about me……..he would have NO reason to refuse to talk to me, he and I were perfectly fine when he left my home.

    There is so, so much more……my dad was hospitalized on Easter Sunday, they refused to allow me any information on him, this distant cousin had a code at the hospital which she refused to give me in order to obtain information on MY father………………..after his hospital stay she gave my dad some dialogue that I supposedly wrote, discussing his dementia, she told my dad I was going around telling people that he has dementia, angered my father to the endth degree because he denies having memory loss, then she is telling him I’m going around spreading that he has dementia………totally playing mind games with my dad’s head in order to poison his mind about me, in hopes that he gets so angry toward me………..she placed a document in front of him, had him sign the document removing me as POA for him. She together with my sister has taken complete control of my dad, producing documents for him to sign. I would almost bet my life, once again, my sister, together with her bubble gum attorney in Boise, have drawn up bogus documents removing me from his Will/Trust. In hopes that once my father is gone, my sister will gain complete control of everything, as she has always planned.

    The greed, the deceit is so coveted by my sister, I believe she will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

    I have completely been removed from my father’s life……..I am denied any communication with him whatsoever. The fact that he has been removed from his home, from everything that is familiar to him is the most egregious and reprehensible act his daughter, my sister has committed. When an individual has memory loss, dementia, Alzheimers…..
    One should take the necessary steps to place your loved ones mind at ease, make things familiar, not have him living in a cluttered, ugly, sweltering house in Oklahoma City. My father should not be drug around the United States like a rag doll, because that’s convenient for YOU. He has no business being driven back and forth from Oklahoma City, OK to Santa Fe, NM in temperatures of 100+ degrees………..then breaking down and hanging out in a hot automobile, without A/C in the middle of bum f_€! Egypt——-waiting for a tow truck!!! That may be what you are acclimated to, however, leave my 94 year old father out of your automobile problems……..when I learned he was yet again being transported in a piece of junk car to Santa Fe from Oklahoma City in the middle of July, then learned your vehicle broke down on the side of the road, I truly believe that needs to be reported as a heinous act of abuse to an elderly person/man………..authorities need to be alerted and someone needs to pay for their ignorance. My father has not lived to be 94 to be abused like that! Completely inexcusable, and completely unacceptable.

    Please I ask, through The Kasem Cares Foundation that in some way, shape or form I am able to once again speak to my father, I would love to spend time with him once again…………….he turns 94 on August 27th and my fear is I will not be able to wish him a Happy Birthday…………

    I ask for any help, suggestions to please come my way.

    Thank you………..

    Laurie

    Brenda shared a story:

    I lost my father in 1988 to pancreatic cancer. I had no clue that not only would our lives be different because of our loss, but because emotional abuse would soon begin to my mom. I had no clue until just a few years ago that my brother had been hounding her on a regular basis to allow him to take control over her estate and become her POA. I had no clue that he had been saying things to her throughout the years and comparing Mom to her sisters who had Alzheimer’s and died in their in late 70’s and early 80’s. I had no clue how harsh he spoke to her until 2009. My brother set out on a mission to “prove” our mother had Alzheimer’s because she repeated herself. Mom has always repeated herself. He had taken her to doctors and to ER’s t be checked out. Not one doctor he took our mother to would go along with his hopes of getting our mother declared incompetent. He was hiding things in her home so that she could not find them hoping others would believe she was going crazy. He intercepted phone calls when he was visiting her in home and would not allow people to speak to her unless it was someone he liked. My brother followed her around when she was out and about. He knew every move she made and who visited her. Finally when Mother decided to change attorney’s and update her will, not preventing him from an inheritance but just updating and moving others into spots of control, he filed a lawsuit seeking guardianship. He used a hospital record from 2010 that had the word dementia written in it. The lawsuit was filed in September of 2011. In Texas you cannot file a guardianship lawsuit unless you are using a doctor note/medical record that is less than 120 days old but his managed to get into the system. we spent 3 long years battling things. After 2 years in the courtroom, he was given the title guardian over our mother. She was not given any notice that she would be moved out of her home of 26 yrs. She was moved to an assisted living facility in the town that she lived in but no one was allowed to see her unless their name appeared on the list that my brother had made. One month after moving her into this facility, he moved her again. This time he did not tell anyone where she was. For 2 months no one in her family or her friends knew how to find her. After writing numerous letters to the judge, my brother had to come clean and let everyone know her whereabouts. He controlled everything. No one could take Mom out of the memory care unit he had living in. We all had to visit her in that unit. It wasn’t until almost a year later and in court once again, the judge opened the door to take Mom out and enjoy life. My brother moved our mother once again. This time to a very dirty, smelly, nursing home and she’s in the Alzheimer’s unit medicated. She has not been out to do anything social with family or friends in a year. We went to court last year around this time and the judge opened the door for visits but we had to go by the facility and doctor in charge of residents on how long and often our visits could be. She’s been on the DNP list for a year at this facility. The judge listened a year ago when the facility was living at before the nursing home testified they had documented abuse. They had documented him yelling at Mom and vice versa. APS, Adult Protective Services, had been keeping an eye on our mother since 2010 and never once said she needed to move out of her home. They too documented the emotional abuse but in Texas, this abuse does not warrant action. Mother has been living in an Alzheimer’s unit for just over a year. She is going t be 90 years old in December. She is very alert, sometimes forgetful, and makes sure appearance is nice. She’s trapped behind those doors and my hands are tied. My brother continues to control everything going on even though the judge stated very clearly the last time we were in court that he is only in charge of her living facility, paying her bills, and making sure she seeing a doctor when needed. The facility and doctor are in charge of deciding when she can leave the facility with others. They will not take a stand for her though. I visit my mom regularly. She talks about how she must be sick because of the facility she is having to live in. She talks about her thinking and how bad it is. These are all words that have been told her by my brother. We need to make sure Texas and all other states take emotionally abusing the elderly serious. It happens daily. The court system is not always on your side, which I have found. Taking the rights away from a guardian should be easier than it is. Please keep an eye on the elderly. As my mom did, they are private and do not want their dirty laundry to aired for all to see. Watch for signs of isolation. They’re there. I wish I had seen them earlier but as so many others, no one wants to believe a family member is capable of doing such a thing. I would love to spread the word about what is going on with elderly people. I hope you will do the same.

    Zig shared a story:

    Zig shared a story:

    I need help. My 96 yr old mother has been taken advantage of by my Sister whom replaced me in a false substitution as POA (not Attorney represented)as Trustee of our family Trust. Hundreds of thousand in dollars inventoried , hidden and falling off Moms radar was discovered and recently investigated by the Orange County Court system. GAL asssigned and paid for by my sister with Moms funds.(Promised bias against me by GAL and Delivered). Because I cant afford an attorney now, the case was thrown out and I recently filed for an appeal. Recently Granted thru hardship. Since then, same sister is having the rest of Moms money shifted to out of state, again another violation to our trust and I’m attempting to go in front of judge tomorrow for exparte so they don’t kidnap my mother to take her out of state, which is what I delayed with the prior court cases. Mom has Demensia and Alzheimers and I’m going out of my head with the lack of Governmental support both thru the courts and local police dept. Wanting me to do their job, and then a year later telling me I need an attorney. This has beyond bankrupted me and has cost me another $100,000. in the last year tying to fight it alone. If you know anyone that I can contact-any an all help is needed.

    Thanks,
    Ziggy

    Phil shared a story:

    Dear Kerri,
    It broke my heart to hear your story about the battle you and your father endured in his final days. I live in Washington State, and the story, as you know, made headlines on a regular basis at the time.
    My mother Catherine was diagnosed with dementia approximately four years ago. The dementia ravaged her mind very quickly. Out of the seven children in our family, my sister and I, we are the youngest, took it upon ourselves to care for our mother. The remaining family members stayed their distance and avoided getting involved. This was to be expected because they never really got involved with the needs of our mother upon our father’s death. As the dementia progressed, and our mother’s needs became too much for just us two to handle, we reached out to our siblings for help. Reluctantly, they got involved with her care. In a short period of time our older siblings became exhausted and realized they were no longer interested in investing the time it took to care for our ailing mother. They thought of every way they could to alleviate their “commitment” to our mother’s care.
    Without speaking with us, and while our mother was still capable of understanding what was going on around her, our oldest sibling, along with her husband and daughter, and as agreed upon by our other siblings, tricked our mother into believing they were bringing her out for breakfast. Little did our mother know, that the breakfast was at a lock-down facility where they arranged for her to live. Days prior to her arrival, and while our mother was still living in her home, these members of our “family” slowly removed her personal things and took them to the facility. Many of our mother’s items were stolen by our older siblings, her personal bank account was drained and family heirlooms were stolen as well, including our mother’s wedding band that our father gave her.
    After breakfast, these people, we no longer call any of them family, showed our mother her room. Mom was confused. She couldn’t understand why her personal items were at this place. They then told her that this is her new home. My sister and I found out that our mother was brought to the facility two days later. The reason we didn’t find out earlier is because our siblings prevented us from entering our mother’s home in her final days there. Our older brother said that no one is to visit our mother until she has “settled in.” My sister and I immediately raced to be by her side. We family our mother sitting on the bed in her assigned room with tears in her eyes. We have never seen our mother cry before. She stood up and hugged us both tightly and said, “How could they do this to me?” She told us how they ‘tricked’ her into going out to breakfast and how she thought it was odd that they had brought her things to this place. She kept crying and told us she wanted to go home.
    I hired an attorney and basically kidnapped my mother and took her out of the facility. We had previously arranged to meet my attorney at her office upon leaving the facility. The police arrived at my home later that evening and after being interrogated they said this was a civil matter and it was out of their hands. They did do a welfare check to make sure the home was safe.
    We battled with our siblings for many many months afterward to the tune in excess of $20,000. Which I drained from our 401k. We are now living one day at a time, but I would do it all over again if I had to. Our siblings said they wanted to visit our mother, and we agreed to arrange visitation days but they refused to see her at our home. Instead they insisted on having a guardian appointed. I asked mom what she wanted and being the loving mom she is told me she still wanted to see all of her children. I didn’t want to have a guardian appointed but this appeared to be the only way they would agree to see her. After the guardian was appointed, she suggested our mother be relocated to a facility so all family could visit. I reluctantly agreed knowing that our siblings only wanted control and not what was best for our mom. Our suspicions were right. As soon as mom was placed in the facility all visitation by our older siblings had stopped. It has been over three years now and they have yet to step foot in the facility. To make matters worse, our mother’s rights are in the hands of a guardian who neglects to make sure she is properly cared for. We are constantly contacting the state for them to investigate the neglect she faces on a daily basis.
    There needs to be a law in place to protect the rights of the elderly. They need a voice.
    Thank you for allowing me to share my story, her story, with you all.
    Phil Davis

    Phil shared a story:

    Dear Kerri,
    It broke my heart to hear your story about the battle you and your father endured in his final days. I live in Washington State, and the story, as you know, made headlines on a regular basis at the time.
    My mother Catherine was diagnosed with dementia approximately four years ago. The dementia ravaged her mind very quickly. Out of the seven children in our family, my sister and I, we are the youngest, took it upon ourselves to care for our mother. The remaining family members stayed their distance and avoided getting involved. This was to be expected because they never really got involved with the needs of our mother upon our father’s death. As the dementia progressed, and our mother’s needs became too much for just us two to handle, we reached out to our siblings for help. Reluctantly, they got involved with her care. In a short period of time our older siblings became exhausted and realized they were no longer interested in investing the time it took to care for our ailing mother. They thought of every way they could to alleviate their “commitment” to our mother’s care.
    Without speaking with us, and while our mother was still capable of understanding what was going on around her, our oldest sibling, along with her husband and daughter, and as agreed upon by our other siblings, tricked our mother into believing they were bringing her out for breakfast. Little did our mother know, that the breakfast was at a lock-down facility where they arranged for her to live. Days prior to her arrival, and while our mother was still living in her home, these members of our “family” slowly removed her personal things and took them to the facility. Many of our mother’s items were stolen by our older siblings, her personal bank account was drained and family heirlooms were stolen as well, including our mother’s wedding band that our father gave her.
    After breakfast, these people, we no longer call any of them family, showed our mother her room. Mom was confused. She couldn’t understand why her personal items were at this place. They then told her that this is her new home. My sister and I found out that our mother was brought to the facility two days later. The reason we didn’t find out earlier is because our siblings prevented us from entering our mother’s home in her final days there. Our older brother said that no one is to visit our mother until she has “settled in.” My sister and I immediately raced to be by her side. We family our mother sitting on the bed in her assigned room with tears in her eyes. We have never seen our mother cry before. She stood up and hugged us both tightly and said, “How could they do this to me?” She told us how they ‘tricked’ her into going out to breakfast and how she thought it was odd that they had brought her things to this place. She kept crying and told us she wanted to go home.
    I hired an attorney and basically kidnapped my mother and took her out of the facility. We had previously arranged to meet my attorney at her office upon leaving the facility. The police arrived at my home later that evening and after being interrogated they said this was a civil matter and it was out of their hands. They did do a welfare check to make sure the home was safe.
    We battled with our siblings for many many months afterward to the tune in excess of $20,000. Which I drained from our 401k. We are now living one day at a time, but I would do it all over again if I had to. Our siblings said they wanted to visit our mother, and we agreed to arrange visitation days but they refused to see her at our home. Instead they insisted on having a guardian appointed. I asked mom what she wanted and being the loving mom she is told me she still wanted to see all of her children. I didn’t want to have a guardian appointed but this appeared to be the only way they would agree to see her. After the guardian was appointed, she suggested our mother be relocated to a facility so all family could visit. I reluctantly agreed knowing that our siblings only wanted control and not what was best for our mom. Our suspicions were right. As soon as mom was placed in the facility all visitation by our older siblings had stopped. It has been over three years now and they have yet to step foot in the facility. To make matters worse, our mother’s rights are in the hands of a guardian who neglects to make sure she is properly cared for. We are constantly contacting the state for them to investigate the neglect she faces on a daily basis.
    There needs to be a law in place to protect the rights of the elderly. They need a voice.
    Thank you for allowing me to share my story, her story, with you all.
    Phil Davis

    Colleen shared a story:

    My mother passed away three years ago from Kidney Failure and Dementia. I was living in another state and unfortunately by the time I got back and started looking into her finances it was too late. My brother who had been pilfering for years, using her credit cards, driving her cards, draining her accounts ended up taking everything. It caused a huge rift in the family and I still have nightmares. I never had my mother declared incompetent but at one time filed a restraining order against my brother so he could not contact her due to his financial dealings. I’m still paying that attorneys bill off three years later. I miss my mother every day but still haunted by how difficult her caring became when I couldn’t trust my own family.

    Kelli shared a story:

    I had a stepmother who denied not only myself, but strictly limited my grandparents (dads parents) from seeing him. She even went so far as to go to an attorney and have him draft a letter to all of us (my dads family) explaining when and what visitation we would be allowed. It was not much. I was even denied visitation at the hospital by the nurses, by her orders. Needless to say she drove a wedge between siblings as well. I haven’t talked to my own sister in 13 years because of her. My stepmother and I got into a physical altercation at the hospital when my dad was first admitted, because she would not allow me to visit my dad and even told the nurses that I wasn’t allowed back to visit him, however her brothers and sisters were allowed free access. I would love to see the laws changed and hope you’re able to do it.

    J kristi shared a story:

    My story is in my book PROBATE PIRATES ON AMAZON. Thank you Kerri Kasem

    Tom shared a story:

    My father passed away in 2013 and 8 months later my mom moved about fifty miles away. Three months after the move my oldest sister starts some family drama. Resulting in me being ostricized from the family. My mother for the past two and half years has not ask me to visit or to see her youngest grand children. Every time I invite her to a family event. She goes and asks my eldest sister. Who gets hysterical and my mother never responds after that. I have never been invited to my mother’s home and I believe she is being psychologically abused by my sister. She would never turn her back on her children or grand children otherwise.

    John shared a story:

    My love of 13 years, Lynne Adler was MURDERED in Sutter Solano hospital that I took her to out of concern for her being short of breath. It was a slow, grisly needless death. It took ~6 weeks.
    They gave her Reglan, contra indicated for her 4 different ways.
    Suddenly she could not remember my name, though she knew who I was.
    Then she could not speak and they had her tied to the bed forced to urinate and defecate on herself for the three weeks before they kidnapped her for the last 3 weeks, and secretly moved her to another town to starve her to death.
    Several people conspired to do it. They do it all the time, with total impunity.
    They think nothing of it, it is standard operating procedure. They are above reproach, protected by the police, some of whom must know, or the killers wouldn’t be so brazen.
    There is no recourse. They are never even suspect.
    I paid a competent attorney more than $8,000 when they kidnapped her to find her and what was going on, for NOTHING! !
    They gave her Reglan, contra indicated for her 4 different ways.
    Suddenly she could not remember my name, though she knew who I was.
    Then she could not speak and they had her tied to the bed forced to urinate and defecate on herself.
    The doctor said “Maybe she had a stroke.”
    WTF? If she did, it would have been in their “intensive care.”
    With all those wires hooked up and all that intensive care, and the all important “golden hour” after a stroke that is so important, and can make all the difference,
    you would think intensive care would be the place to have a stroke, if you were going to have one.
    Why would her doctor be guessing 24 – 36 hours later, “Maybe she had a stroke.”
    Tests showed she did not, yet her dr. insisted she did.
    When I told him the nurse had read the findings of the MRI to me already, he flipped!
    “Who you going to believe, me or the nurse?” He demanded.
    He ranted “The nurse doesn’t know how to read the exam.”
    “She read me the findings of the expert that read the exam”, I replied. “I believe the expert.”
    Lynne had appointed me to be her decision maker if she could not, but after 3 weeks the hospital shipped her across the parking lot by ambulance to a nursing home.
    As soon as the ambulance left they took her back across the parking lot to the ER in a private car and left her strapped to a gurney in the hallway of the ER (never in a room though plenty were open) for the next 23 1/2 hours to make it appear to be a “new admission from a nursing home” and claim she had chosen to appoint someone else, to decide for her and that she never, ever wanted to see me again.
    The RE- admission was for “delirium”.
    By definition “delirium” has “rapid onset”. Previous three weeks in their hospital would mean they had caused it. The term is iatrogenic.
    By definition iatrogenic delirium is not a condition decisions can competently be made. Doesn’t matter. they can do any damn thing they want.
    They GET AWAY WITH MURDER, ALL THE TIME!
    They banned visitors to her,
    Then secretly shipped her out of town to a “Palliative care” (KILL HOUSE)
    KIDNAPPED
    Where they further drugged her so she didn’t eat for a few days, then she was too weak to eat, and they just let her starve to death!
    MURDER
    No water even.
    I found her just a few hours before she died.
    She had lost so much weight I almost didn’t recognize her.
    They threw me out in less than 10 minutes, saying i was not allowed to see the lady I lived with and loved for the past 13 years, that I had taken to the hospital, who had appointed me as her decision maker.
    3 weeks dieing alone.
    No water even. Her mouth was glued shut. Her body so stiff. I held her emaciated body as she told me she loved me as all the nurses demanded I leave and the cops showed up. They made her die alone.
    Horrific!
    No recourse.
    You could be next.

    Mary shared a story:

    Mary shared a story:

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    Sara shared a story:

    I am and will always be a daddy girl, Even thou the years have been rough about 4 years ago me and my sister were called back to see our father who had gotten sick, not knowing if he was going to make it or not, It was in fact the first time we meet our new sister in-law, which charged me for the days that we were in there home, which we stayed at the hospital more but anyway, at that time I did not know she was charged me for it all ."the sister _in-law’, who had already inherited 80 acres out of the blue, which we didn’t know, but to make every thing worse her and my brother took all of our fathers land and money all of the land and has already been self deeded back to them, even the paperwork is forged, the issue we have is they have not let us see him or talk to him, they have isolated him from us , He "our brother has made up so many lies about us, he took us to court and we won and to this date he has not paid us a dime but he has ran us threw the mud, with all of his lies, when we have asked the local authority’s to help and all they say is our father is not our business, get a lawyer we have also contacted aps in that state and they say tat it is not their job to check on our father. It has been another year that I have not gotten to tell dad happy fathers day. our beloved mother has past away, there is so much more, when we were there with dad the doctor had said that dad had alizhimes and dementia, but yet here is all of tis signed paper and hi name is not right the dates are not right but ye no one is listening, my brother cashed in all of dad stocks and bonds he has cleaned him out there was no will y father always told us everything would be even steven, and me and my sister have tried everything to get information on our father and no one is telling us anything, we do not even know if he is still alive , When they took us to court thy claimed we were harassing them which was not even true we had written them a letter asking how was our father and they took us to court and we won, there was no harassing no threats nothing just a simple letter, an he ha made up false e-mails and claimed that they were from u s but none of that is true, He even had the nerve to walk those forged e-mails into a sheriffs office who thought that he should call and check on me, I said are u kidding me you should call in the fbi, but yet because w al live in different states no one will help ,so we are looking for answers on what we can do to find dad.
    thanks sara

    Sara shared a story:

    Marcia shared a story:

    I live in California and my father and his 3rd wife, who he’s been married to for 40 years, live in Indiana.

    Several years ago, this woman’s behavior began radically changing toward me. As my father’s short-term memory loss worsened, she started a campaign to shut me out of his life. The woman, I believe, has a mental illness because her behavior became very erratic and unpredictable. I could feel my father slipping away from me with each phone call I made to him — she would get on the phone and act very cold towards me.

    When I visited them 3 years ago, she was antagonistic and unpleasant to be around. A couple of months after that, when I called my father, she was openly hostile, accusatory, extremely negative and wouldn’t let me talk to him. I knew she had won the war in possessing and controlling my father and manipulating me out of his life. Needless to say, it has been a long period of grief for me. I won’t be seeing or talking to my father again in this lifetime because of this woman’s craziness and hatefulness. I believe it was also her way of disinheriting me. I know my father would not want this, but he believes her, relies on her, and trusts her.

    When I heard about Kerri’s painful situation with her father and his horrible and evil wife, I could totally relate. The same is happening with me.

    Thank you, Kerri, for your efforts – it takes a lot of courage to turn a broken, angry heart into a worthwhile cause.

    Blessings to all of you who are going through such heart-wrenching experiences with your loved ones. We all have to find some place in ourselves to put the pain and then move forward.

    Rose shared a story:

    My 93 year old mother dying of cancer had a caretaker helping her, since I work full time. She also had nurses from hospice coming in. The caretaker let her get terrible bed sores that were very deep. Another caretaker at the same time wrote checks from my mothers check book and stole $20,000. She took all my mothers jewelry and many of her prized possessions. They would leave my mother alone in the house and they would go off somewhere. I came to see my mother one day and found this out.
    I fired the caretakers and had the thief arrested. They kept her in jail for 30 days and she has 5 years to pay back $315 a month. That is not justice. My mother died shortly after this happened. She was heartbroken to think the caretaker she “trusted” would do such a thing to her. My mother also had dementia the last few months of her life. When I went through my mothers closet, I found bloody clothes thrown under her pile of clothes. The “caretakers” also left all the dirty pots and dishes in the microwave so I wouldn’t see them. They broke her good china and hid it. My mother had been bedridden for quite some time. She was also blind from macular degeneration.
    I reported them to the State and found out they weren’t even licensed to give medical care. They were just house sitters whose agency lied. The agency was told NOT to ever advertise “medical care” since they weren’t licensed. We only got these caretakers since Hospice knew of them and approved of them. I told hospice what happened and never heard back.

    This was a very painful experience for me, an only child, to go through. The thief was charged with elder abuse, BUT the judge did NOT ban her from ever working with the elderly again. I worry that she will do this to someone else.

    Casey shared a story:

    Amber shared a story:

    My story is a series of systems and their failures starting with a bankrupt town, and therefore a system that is not in place to assist. I grew up at my Grandparents home in San Bernardino, CA. I lived there on and off as a teen- my grandfather died when I was 21- I have a tattoo of Grandma and Grandpa on my entire back- taken from their wedding day. I am an honorably discharge veteran of 7 years of military service- I had to give Grandma the flag off my Grandpa’s casket……much harder than deployment during Operation Iraqi Freedom. My Grandmother in herself is unique- she is Japanese and came to the US (after 6 weeks of dating then marriage) shortly after WW2. Yes the very people we hated as a country (think Pearl Harbor) came here without a word of English to have her children and raise them in a ‘better place’. (She comically jokes that not knowing English saved her from hearing a lot of the racism she knew was spoken to her). So, Grandma a cute Japanese woman who didn’t handle paying bills or naming her children even (the old days) was living alone for a few years on and off. Her only daughter- my Aunt moved in. My Aunt does not work and has never worked for longer than 2 years for any given job. But, she was caring for Grandma. I too moved in with Grandma for awhile again in my 30’s(when I relocated back to California). Then having a family, establishing my career in California and buying my own home lead me to a few busy years. (I am a Registered Nurse (BSN)cum laude)
    Last October I went to get Grandma for the pumpkin patch- my family often includes her in holidays etc. I was shocked at how much my Grandma declined, thin, lethargic, weak, frail. I have worked with my Uncle (established DPOA for my Grandpa’s affairs and last will) for the past year to attempt to gain financial control of my Grandma’s assets (almost nothing). We have discovered the roof is leaking, the electrical and plumbing are unsafe…..the list goes on and on. My Aunt has been supporting herself, her husband, their drug habits and not caring for my Grandmother’s property at all. Grandma gets a mere $2600- and her home is paid off. Aunt- moved in homeless mother with a small baby, signed up for solar panels- using my dead Grandfather’s signature, threatened me in my home- I have a restraining order against her.
    Now- we await a hearing almost a year later, while my Aunt has completely isolated my Grandma. She locks her in her home and has left her alone for the weekend. We (my Uncle and I) call APS, the police department, any agency we feel can assist us- the problem is: Grandma lives in San Bernardino- a town that is bankrupt and littered with crime- so elder abuse is the least important piece of the town it seems. I once called the police to make a report for a scheduled visit I had with my Grandma- who was taken out of town- out of the country actually to Mexico. The police said to wait for an officer to make my report. This call was placed at 1030am and the police called me back at 230am the following day to make my report.
    It is a system of failures in place where isolation, neglect and abuse is encouraged because no one wants to do their job with integrity or pride. As a mandated reporter I feel like we have failed my Grandma and now we cannot see her for her last few years/months of life- due to the isolation my Aunt puts her in. I fear like the Kasem family that she may pass or have illness that her family will not be part of because her own daughter would rather support herself and her needs than care for her elderly mother.

    Sondra shared a story:

    Just curious if anyone could give me direction on where to get justice for my two small children. I have no money to modify custody order.
    My case was domestic violence, when I broke it off with my abuser because he began abusing our 2 year old son too. His mother and him fought me for custody and was granted to them. He had a violent history, restraining orders is how all his relationships end. He alienates the children against me terribly. He will tell them that they get to come to my house and then of course it’s not a scheduled visit, then the our children get upset with me because I didn’t show up. I NEVER talk badly of their father. I took my child in the middle class very seriously.
    He is truly abusing these children, mental and physical, DHS has done several investigations of allegations made towards their father. He has a good pitiful story but law enforcement and DHS believe me to be the one who lies to get him in trouble. I don’t call DHS because it’s a lost cause. Officers recently observed our daughter refusing to get out of my vehicle to go back with her father. She was screaming, banging her head on my window and I have video of me taking her out of my home and placing her in my vehicle to go meet her father. She said she didn’t want to go to her father’s because it is boring. Her actions were very extreme for a child experiencing boredom, in my opinion.
    I am not brainwashing these children, I have to bring justice to these two innocent victims, Their father often with holds my visitaions for months at a time, never let’s me have them on holidays. I can’t be a part of my son’s education because he has extreme anxiety when I am at his school, he’s afraid his dad will find out. I used to ask how school was going, I no longer do so because he gets extremely angry and tells me I DON’T GO TO SCHOOL.!! The last time I went to the school dad did see me and he switched his school, when I found out where that was he switched him back to the first school.
    I have documentation, pictures, videos my story is true, nothing dramatized on my part.
    Since it was domestic violence he shouldn’t of been allowed to fight me for custody, my opinion. If I dated someone today that had a violent record and I left my children with him alone and he injured them, I would be charged right along with him. Rightfully so, but my ex can have custody of his children. This is extremely upsetting to me and can’t happen to any other children in this world. The judge in our case gave my abuser the biggest weapon ever to use on me,,,MY CHILDREN
    I need direction on where to turn to show someone the DHS reports and the errors in them. I always ask for family counseling to be mandatory when DHS talks to me because of the games that are played, but my ex always refuses, the last report said he was concerned that with his district court plans to have my rights terminated, that counseling on coparenting would hurt his case. REALLY for one I have done nothing to have my rights terminated. I have no record. Haven’t been in trouble with the law. He is a convicted felon.
    I just don’t know where to turn. I want to take him to court and have custody modified but I have no money to start the process.
    After I bring justice to these two helpless children, I want to go further and make sure a bill passes child custody can’t be given to the abuser, so easily at least.
    I’m begging any knowledge anyone may have to lead me in the right direction would be very greatly appreciated by this heart broken family.

    Lorin shared a story:

    I had been taking care of my father, with Alzheimer’s for over five years, and not one person in my family wanted to help me with him. They would only call for money. Then, he fell in the kitchen and broke his hip. While in the recovery center, one sister who hadn’t seen him in over three years, even though she lived across the freeway, tried to get POA… then the other sister drove here from Texas, and using her old POA from a trip that he had to the hospital years ago, she got him released from the hospital and carried him into a bank with her daughter, cleaned it out and drove away with him back to Texas. She cashed in his insurance policies, and got conservatorship over him, getting all of his four thousand dollars in pension and SSI. My POA wasn’t valid due to it not being notarized because of my expired drivers license. Also, I didn’t feel the need to worry because this sister hadn’t seen any of us in over seven years and was faking terminal illness in Texas to get money, even though she was healthy and fine. To get the point, I haven’t heard my fathers voice or seen him in two years. I did make sure that my sister put him in a nursing home, by calling adult protective services, but she put him in one where she gets to decide who gets to see and talk to him. Every time I’ve called, they won’t allow me to talk to my own father. If he knew what was going on, and was lucid, he was be livid and devastated. He never trusted my sister and has told me and others many times that he loved her because she was his daughter but didn’t like her as a person and didn’t trust her. I can’t afford a lawyer, and I know if tried to see him, they would not allow me to. My other family members can’t talk to him either and we are all frustrated. My sister did this out of pure greed, that’s all. She doesn’t care about him or his well being and wouldn’t have put him in danger after surgery or with his disease by driving him cross the country from Cali to Texas if she did. I don’t know what to do. It should be illegal for the nursing home not to allow his own family to talk to him or see him. I know that he doesn’t have that much longer to live and I would love to hear his voice and see his face again before he does. I’m heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. Would appreciate any advice or help from anyone, anywhere at this time. Thank you for reading my story. xxooo

    Margaret shared a story:

    Please help me see my mom. The man she married is keeping me away for spite. I am her daughter and best friend. She has dementia and he confided her in a nursing home against my wishes. As you know, I have no rights as a child. This is horrendous. I have been grieving for 2 years. I have spent thousands of dollars to see my mom. I cannot do that anymore. I hurt every day as the precious time with her passes.