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You’re not alone. Please share your story here so that others can benefit from your experiences. We can help each other heal and can take action together.

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    Cindy shared a story:

    My aunt & uncle were found in poor health in their home having no contact w/ family members for 2 years. They were given a caseworker in the state of Massachusetts until the state could make contact w/ family. Once we (family) found out this horrible news we got right on it and tried to talk them into going into assisted living.
    They resisted us all the way saying they wanted to stay in their home until they died.
    They both have been diagnosed w/ dementia (early Alzheimer’s) by their family physician.

    My uncle has some wealth to him and no living relatives on his side of the family. My aunt has my mom her only living sibling left in her family who resides in another state. My mom contacted my sister and asked her to follow up w/ the state caseworker. My sister ended up (cold heartily) putting them in an assisted living against their wishes but before doing so she contacted an attorney to write up a
    Will. The attorney met with them at their home along w/ my sisters & I.
    My uncle & aunt were nervous but were asked by the attorney in one question what they would like to do with their home & assets upon their death? My aunt named her
    sister and she is up there in age as well. My aunt & uncle are 90 & 91 her sister 85.
    The attorney asked them to name an alternate because of the sister’s age. We then
    proceeded asking them about naming a POA and a healthcare proxy. They had no
    clue what that meant so with my explaining to them they named both my sisters.
    There was no mentioning of a Trust. My uncle & aunt signed the paperwork and then
    the lawyer never explaining to them wrote up a Realty Trust naming my sister sole Trustee. They & I were duped by both my sister an attorney as that was their motive to get my sister solely named as Trustee. I would have never allowed that to happen
    as it should have been written up as a Living Estate leaving the house in my aunt &
    uncle’s possession until they both died. They named me as the alternate beneficiary.
    My sister’s and Mom thought that it should have been named as all 3 neices not just
    myself as the alternate. I thinking that all 3 neices should be named asked the attorney to put it in all 3 neices names. He couldn’t do that as that is not what my aunt & uncle requested. He ended up putting on the Schedule Of Beneficiaries 100%
    going to the sister & if she predeceases them 100% to myself and if I predease them as well he named both my sisters to receive 50% each.

    My sister did not like the responsibility of caring for the house so she put it on the market. My uncle would be so upset with that decision. My sister said that she would
    put the proceeds from the sale in my uncle’s account to use towards their assisted living cost as that is over $12,000 a month they have been moved to the memory care unit after living there for 1 year. My uncle thinks it is only costing him $1,000 a
    month. We agreed not to tell him the truth as it would upset him and not make things
    easy on the assisted living facility. I’m now regretting this whole scenario because my
    sister sold the house and is giving the proceeds to our mother. My uncle & aunt’s wishes were for everything to be transferred AFTER their death NOT BEFORE. They both are still living and are very healthy except for the dementia. My uncle is going to be charged a Capitol Gains tax & the cost of the realtor & closing cost. My sister has also spent close to $12,000 in upkeep and plumbing work & taxes on the house since signing their names to the piece of paper.

    My sister emailed me and said the trust gifted my mom the house on the day they signed the paper therefore the money from the sale should go to our mom. This is wrong because my uncle was presented by the attorney that all this would take place
    after their death. It was deceit on my sister & the attorney.

    This is all done out of hatred & disdained towards me they do not want me to inherit
    any of it. I was the closest with my aunt & uncle through the years visiting them often
    until I was in a serious car accident. I thought that my aunt & uncle were out traveling
    as that is what they liked to do. They were free birds as they had no children. I myself
    should have known something was wrong after not receiving a Christmas card w/ a sizeable monetary gift in it. I was the only one who would receive this every Christmas. The Trustee (sister) is my moms favorite always has been my whole life.
    My mom is her little puppet and will go along with whatever my sister wants. I have let my sister & mom know how I feel that they duped my aunt & uncle. The sister is also named Executor of their Will. The Will is written up in the same manner as the
    Schedule Of Beneficiaries as the Trust was written. I’m now waiting to hear that she does some misdeeds with the Will as well. I in a million years would have not thought
    that my sister and my mom would be so deceitful I trusted them both. My aunt & uncle would disown them if they were in their right state of minds. It is Financial Elder Abuse in my book. I had no problems if my mom inherited everything as long as my aunt & uncle’s wishes were followed. My mom has not seen and barely talked to
    my aunt in almost 30 years. She actually bad mouthed my aunt & uncle to me on several different occasions. If my aunt had known what my mom thought about her &
    my uncle they would not have named her a beneficiary at all. I should have told them
    everything but feel as though it would have hurt my aunt feelings.

    The bottom line is make sure that the Attorney explains everything word to word to your love one before letting them sign any paperwork otherwise they could lose their
    assets & properties. I feel like such a fool for trusting my mom & sister. I remember my
    uncle turning to me after signing his name and saying geez I sure hope that I didn’t just give my house away. I assured him that he didn’t everything was contingent on their deaths and I would never let that happen.

    The attorney who wrote this so call Trust up was fired by my sister about a year ago.
    The new attorney has been brainwashed by my sister saying that I am no good and only after their money. It is not the truth because I had/ have no say in anything legal
    concerning them. My aunt & uncle were very good to me over the years and I was/am their only advocate it’s my mom & sister who is after their assets and it is proven by
    stealing their house from underneath them. So very sad!

    Jeanette shared a story:

    My mother was a strong and independent woman and in good health in January of 2014. Then my sister after having a superficial relationship with our mother for almost 20 yrs. Showed up and took over her life. She drugged her with Ambient and convienced her to move to a Senior Apt complex where she lived. I was forbidden to see my mother. My sister claimed that I upset her when I spoke to her. Funny. Since I havent spoken to my Mother in 10 months. Her health steadily deteriorated over the next year without medical attention. She fell twice in her Apt. and then my sister put her in a Hospice Home. When I was finally able to visit my mother in the hospital in June 2015 , i could not believe my eyes. She was drugged so heavily and was unable to chew her food. When she was admitted to the Hospice House she complained of neglect. Then as I visited quite frequently, she seemed to be alot clearer of her surroundings and her overall condition. She asked my oldest boy to write down her requests and wanted the list send to my sister. Some of the things requested were 1) a warm blanket instead of a moving blanket. 2) her own phone so she could talk to people who called herself (she was tired of everyone telling her that there was no need to worry, everything was taken care of ) 3) she wanted to know where her purse was and wanted some cash money 4) she wanted a new doctor, a massage therapist. 5) she wanted to be moved to convalescent home. My sister didnt provide any of the requested items. On August 21st, 2015, I tried to RESCUE MY MOTHER, AFTER SHE STATED THAT THEY WERE ALL TRYING TO KILL HER. MY Sister falsified a California Health Care Directive that she gave to the police. The police officer said that the only reason I wasn’t going to jail was because he said the ink was still wet on the CHCD . But my sister was able to convince the police to return my mother to her possession and to the Hospice Home. My mother told the police she didnt want to be removed from my care. That she had made a mistake giving my sister Power of Attorney. But the police said my mother had “NO RIGHTS” and she had to do what my sister said. My sister got a restraining order against me. My mother died two months later while under my sisters care. Im assuming at my sisters house. I still dont know exactly how she died. My sister arranged a 30 minute viewing of my mother. Which actually was a 30 minute of her body. Then had her embalmed and 4months later cremated then secretly flew my mothers ashes to Colorafo To be buried with her mother. I tried to coordinate a service for my mother including all of our relatives in Colorado with my mothers sister but my sister has everyone in a hypnotic state and my aunt completely ignored my requests to be there when my mom was buried or for any service of any kind. Everything my sister did – All of her actions were directed to me. She has a physopathic personality. My sister had no love for our Mother and no remorse when she did. It was obvious in the way she handled her death. I strongly feel that she killed our mother. And now she has taken control of our mothers estate. She should be charged with elderly abuse and fraud. Who is her next victim. “HER HUSBAND” that just retired with a healthy pension plan. God I hope not.

    Fred shared a story:

    I applaud Kerri for her efforts on behalf of those of us who have been denied the opportunity to visit ailing parents in the end stages of their lives.

    After reading the March 16, 2016 LA Times article about Kerri’s and Catherine Falk’s foundations, I was moved to tell my brief story.

    I, too, was forbidden access to my dying Mother’s bedside before she succumbed to stomach cancer in 1993. Although we had a long-term strained relationship, I desperately wanted to make peace with my Mother before she passed. It is, after all, never too late to forgive someone. My efforts were repeatedly blocked by a sister who told an uncle attempting to intercede on my behalf that she would “Make your life difficult for you” if I tried to visit my Mother.

    I was ultimately told of my Mother’s death two weeks after her passing. To this day, some 23 years later, I have not been informed of when and where my Mother was buried. No family member should ever be allowed to block the visitation rights of someone attempting to see a parent who is in their final days of life.

    Thank you, Kerri, for your noble efforts. Please continue the good fight!

    Pam shared a story:

    I read the LA Times “Dad, dying” on 3/16/16 and researched the Kasem Care website. I have 4 close relatives that have been victimized with POA’s.
    1-Father in law had living trust. Ten days after the death of his 3rd wife – his 3 stepdaughters took him to an attorney and convinced him to change the trust with a POA. The assets from his estate were re-allocated and my husband (his only child) was effectively “disinherited.” Due to my father-in-laws peculiar behavior, we asked to see a copy of the trust. He finally provided my husband with a copy. It was taken to an estate planning attorney who advised us that the POA gave all the assets and health care directives to his step daughters. The attorney advised the only recourse was a court battle. When my father-in-law was asked about the POA – he insisted it was not his signature (it was notarized by the attorney setting up the POA). He also claimed that the step sisters had promised to divide the property fairly with my husband. My father in-law was 84 years old and had dementia. The step daughters moved into his home – although promising to provide him care (meals & cleaning), it was never done. My father-in-law became depressed and hospice was called.
    My husband was called too. The stepsisters wanted him present to conduct the death watch; they did not want that responsibility (they were adults when he married their mother). My husband complied and comforted his father who died shortly afterwards. The funeral was planned 2 days later and my husband was not advised or invited.
    A court case ensued and $30k later, the step sisters prevailed. The POA was upheld by the Probate judge – the trust was superseded by a POA randomly drawn up by step relatives without his blood relative’s knowledge or consent.
    I mistakenly shared this situation with my step-mother – you guessed it!!!!
    2-Casey Kasem situation repeated, all done with a POA. My stepmother finally inherited from her mother and decided to travel the world. She put my father in a facility. I offered to take my Dad into our home – he had pre-Alzheimers. His only issue was forgetfulness – he was fully functional and had lived with us for 10 years already. My stepmother would not allow it and ceased communication with me except to reprimand me by email. She banned me from the facility and stated I could only have monitored visits in a common area. He could not leave the facility with me to take him to lunch. There was no communication with me from then on. The staff approached me and stated her demands were illegal but they had no choice – she controlled the $$. My father was placed in a Florida facility; my stepmother did provide me with a copy of the comprehensive POA. I am in CA; I did sneak visits to him but it became very expensive and cumbersome. We talked on the phone daily for several years. In the last conversation he insisted I come see him – he was adamant. I did not have the time or resources to do same. Two days later I was notified by email that he was being hospitalized with pneumonia. He died 2 weeks later at the age of 86, a very confused and lonely man. I was advised the funeral and burial were “private”. All this again done with a POA; no prior notification to his living relatives (the stepmother never raised us). I do understand that a spouse has precedence over children. I did not pursue this legally – too expensive and I learned my lesson with POA’s and Probate Court.
    3-My brother is brain damaged from a car accident 40 years ago. He was living independently for 30 years. I filed a lawsuit and obtained a settlement for him which was placed in an irrevocable trust. My parents, along with my family, assisted my brother. Subsequently, my mother, who developed dementia was exploited by my absentee sister who……you guessed it!!! Got a POA on my mother AND my brother. She took a page out of my stepmother’s playbook (and had direct assistance and advice from her). My mother “disinherited me” at my sister’s encouragement. My sister and I have not had a conversation (except by chance) for 10 years. She has terminated all contact with me.
    At my father’s request, my mother and I reunited after 3 years. I regularly visited my demented mother at my grandfather’s home (she was indigent). My mother had a fatal heart attack with me and died in my arms. When the paramedics arrived – I could not tell them anything about my mother or her medications. All that info was withheld from me. My sister never provided a copy of the POA to me.
    4-My brother was put in a facility by my sister shortly before my mother’s death. My mother requested I monitor his care as my sister was not responsible. I did so; I am the closest to my brother and raised him from 3 years old to adulthood. We are less than 1 ½ years apart. Another saga began.
    He was moved to various facilities – due to my brother’s brain damage. He was always mad and frustrated. My brother continually asked where his money was and disclosed to anyone that listened that my sister “stole” his $$. He was always dismissed or ignored. I became more involved in his care (or lack of care). He was in So. CA facilities so I could monitor him on a weekly basis. What I saw and experienced was concerning. When I would talk to the Administrators, they advised me I had no rights and could not request info regarding his care or prognosis – there was a POA on him. Both my brother and I requested a copy but one was never provided. Long story short – he had pneumonia & was moved to another facility but when I called because I had not heard from him (we talked at least twice a day), the staff stated he was there and doing fine. None of this was true. I watched my bother dissinegrate first hand. I called everyone; begged everyone for assistance. I was stonewalled at every turn – that POA!!! I even had my brother rescind the POA. No one listened or cared. I was advised to report this to the police (right!!); all his $$ disappeared. After the death of our father, he inherited $$ which went through probate so I had an idea of what he had in assets – and – it was a matter of public record.
    As a last resort, I sent a registered letter to my sister’s husband at his place of employment and was provided with a copy of the POA. It had been established 3 years prior and to my shock and surprise – I was listed as the alternate POA for his health care. There was no alternate on his financial POA; just my sister as primary. I guess being the alternate is meaningless; the facility still refused to share any info with me (at my sister’s request) – meanwhile, my brother developed a bed sore and deteriorated further.
    Just over a year ago, he was taken out the facility by my sister and moved to another state – Arizona. I made formal complaints with all the CA investigative agencies. The results were all “unfounded” – that POA is gospel. Again, a POA was drawn up without notification to the blood relatives by one conniving relative who obtained access to his health care decisions and $$. There is simply no enforceable recourse (handling both health care directives and $$ without an audit is contradictory).
    In Arizona, my brother was put on welfare. I advised anyone that would listen that he has assets!!! No one cares. I advised all the investigative agencies I could find but have to assume nothing was or will be done. I have never heard a disposition. My initial contact with investigators was contentious and that POA always prevails. I submitted a recension of the first POA but never heard back from the Arizona facility. All contact with my brother has been terminated once he went on welfare. The Administrator at the facility stated I was welcome to come and comfort him but would not be allowed access to a copy of the current POA or medical status per my sister.
    My brother’s daughter (yes, he has a high functioning adult daughter but no seems to care about that either) and I will be visiting him next week. I have no expectations – we have no input and for all we know, he is deceased. All because of this POA nonsense.
    I realize the POA is a convenient short cut for lawyers and a boon to their estate planning business. It needs to be monitored. The abuse is outrageous. I have experienced all this in the last 10 years. I cannot be the only one who has encountered this problem. I obtained 2 conservatorships on my grandparents (my mother was not capable of caring for her own parents) and witnessed firsthand the thoroughness of the Conservatorship procedure. All relatives are invited to the hearing and there is full disclosure.
    I realize this is family dysfunction at its best but there is really no recourse – I have tried and am $30k poorer as a result. The POA abuse must be addressed, monitored, modified and ideally stopped.
    Thanks for listening.
    Pam Murray

    Gale shared a story:

    I am the oldest of 8 children. While our father was in the hospital dying last year the youngest of us, instead of helping with our father, decided to start keeping our grieving mother from us In fact she was at his house when she fell and became incompacitated three days before our father passed.He was able to keep us from seeing her for 2 months after that. We called adult protective, sold things we had to get a hearing and he still ended up as a health care proxy. He is ordered to let us know our mothers condition but doesnt. We still dont know her diagnosis or prognosis, just that she is getting worse in front of our eyes and cannot communicate with us. Her court appointed lawyer doesnt do anything and the judge doesnt enforce the order. He was also ordered twice to return her jewelry and other items he admitted to taking from her home but has yet do so. This is happening in Syracuse, NY. What are we told? Pay another lawyer and file again, costing us anywhere from 3 to 6 thousand dollars we dont have. I hope this law passed in NY soon before its too late for us too.

    Jabran shared a story:

    There are a lot of stories to be shared but? I feel bad when I see elderly people treated bad. and not getting the quality of life that they deserve.

    Nancy shared a story:

    SAVE JONATHAN -My brother Jonathan is a victim of San Diego Corrupt Judicial system, consisting of doctor psychiatrists,incompetent and corrupt attorneys and likewise judges and of course County counsel and the Public Conservators. Jon was diagnosed at Harvard with Manic Depressive disease at age 17. Since that time he has completed college with a BA in math but has limited working time which makes him stuck with the insurance Medical and Medicare B and Social Security, He is now 66. He has only had a LPS conservator once before for a three month hospitalization and that was me his sister an RN and an attorney in 2005. He has never been in trouble with the law nor a danger to others. This is not the diagnosis that is usually targeted. Scripps mercy Hospital a catholic Hospital in San Diego had it in for Jon and warned him two years prior by Dr Seymour psychiatrist. Any other disease other then mental disorder they have no control over. Unfortunately we did not take their warning as seriously as we should have. He had to be hospitalized in 2015 from August 14th and they would not let him go until they got him conserved. They overdosed him with Zyprexia a antipsychotic and even had two brut security guards hold him down while they injected him with Zyprexia against his will. he refused the medication. They had no right to do this as there was no permanent conservatorship yet even though the conservator labeled his file that he had one. Jon had a right to refuse. The psychiatric advocate sat back and watched this and did not cite Scripps Mercy until Jon was transferred for months his name was Mike Phillips . Jon was under temporary conservatorship for three months which is two month longer then is allowed so he was falsely imprisioned for a extraordinary length of time being mistreated by Dr Lian.
    Dr Jon Highum Jon’s outpatient psychiatrist said Jon was a burden to the medical system and that why Scripps did this as the doctor were not getting enough money nor the hospitals for Jon’s 30 visits since he was 17 years old. I said that too bad I am sure you get plenty of money from other patients and Jon cannot help it as he has a genetic disease. You could not do this to a diabetic who used the hospital for his illness so why a person with bipolar disease? Are we back to the days of Hitler or go to the back of the bus? Mental Illness carries with it a enormous stigma to this day and institutions are still used. Jon permanent conservator ship hearings when they did occur were a joke. the public defender was in bed with counsel for the conservator and the Judge ‘s staff had ex parte communication which I have prove of with Jon’s attorney. Jon’s attorney turned on Jon. He did not present evidence of third part support which is a necessary element of grave disability not existing. All people with illness can survive with third party support. He allowed them to put the family on trial. He acting like he was on the side of the public conservator and did not represent the clients interest, was totally inept and corrupt. The judge decided gravely disabled prior to my testimony which would have made it unconstitutional AND IN VIOLATION OF THE LAW. Ihad another attorney there with me. I had two POA’s that stated that I was to be Jon’s conservator if he needed one. The judge appointed the public conservator anyway. He used the wrong standard and it was obvious he was prepped.
    I insisted that the public defender Ziegler bring a jury trial. He said to me F____ you I am done. I brought the demand for Jury trial and the court file stamped it. However they later crossed it out and said the judge is denying it now. I said save a copy and I will be back. The clerk said she will set a hearing for Wednesday. In the meanwhile he had his staff email and call the public defender which is ex parte contact against the rules of ethics for Judges and attorneys. I have these email as I was eventually ordered on as Jon’s attorney for a jury trial that had to come in 10 day.s in the meanwhile I got the confidential file which was loaded with slanderous lies about our family reversing who is the criminal here they are. Jon is a Human Being. There Job was to take Jon out of the system and lock him away forever so no hospital will be financially challenged by a frequent low pay patient which is also against the law. I got three doctors under subpoena and got Jon friends and the advocate who investigated the battery regarding the brut security guards holding Jon down to force an intramuscular antipsychotics on him which is a battery, a a crime. They were over drugging him so he would be their little lamb living at their hospital while they conspired for his demise. he became depresssed, l the sparkel in his eye and his humor. The jury trial was to start in 10 days but we got Judge HOWARD SHORE THE BIGGEST MOST ARROGANT CROOK IN THE COURT HOUSE. He decided it would be more fun putting me on trial, a medical malpractice advocate who will not be silenced. So he granted the attorney for the conservators motion I had not even read yet kicking me off as counsel in violation of the Calif rules of professional conduct and a corrupt move as the standard of proof for an LPS conservatorship is a criminal standard. The client has the right to the attorney he wants and I have won over 33 million dollars in settlement and jury trials for my clients over the years so I have the experience. This was a violation of Jon’s constitutional rights. Judge Shore threw me off replacing me with the crooked public defender Ziegler who fired himself. The very person Stone ordered me to replace is back again so i had no choice but to have the counsel who helped me with the court trial be attorney for Jon providing he follow my outline and submit my jury instructions. Shore continued the trial out passed the statutory period so I lost the availabiity of my doctors I had under subpoena. Haskett , who had an attorney client relationship with me, also now had a n attorney client relationship with Jon. Haskett already received some discipline from the State Bar, never did a jury trial and the only reason I would let him do this is the short notice and the fact that he was to follow my instructions. Shore told him he could not discuss what happened and would happen in the trial with me or take his instruction from me so he had a conflict and he should have withdrawn at that time. However he did not but was so ineffective and unprepared and crooked and just plain incompetent that he called his client Jon Haskett, his last name. he presented no doctors , refused to present the witnesses i subpeoed. He put on Jon pastor friend on for five minutes, allowed our family and me to be embarrassed, called criminals with no warning at all. He did no voir dire, little opening argument and was totally ineffective. He could not even get one vote. He allowed Jon to be brought to trial everyday on a gurney, accompanied by two paramedic and a nurse making him look dangerous or gravely disabled. I was not allowed in the Court room but they were to influence the jury. He also sentenced Jon who gave coherant testimony again to a locked skilled nursing facility under the total control of a shady, once subject to grand jury investigation, public conservatorship Ellen Schmedling. She immedatley took Jon out of Mercy transferred him 55 miles from his home and put him in a double locked institution Vista KNoll in Vista California in a ward with no social communication with the other patients as 99% have dementia. He walked fine with a walker , very fast. They took it away from confined him to a wheelchair to instill learned helplessness in him. They do everything for him. he is an object to them. We found a sign at the nursing station Jon Sussman is to talk to no one but the conservator. When confronted with the sign they lied about it and now he can have some eased dropped phone calls that are recorded. They intercept his mail. These psychiatric rights to not go to the conservator. Right to socialization does not and he has a right not to be with dementia patients. They are over drugging him with anti psychotic medicine so his mouth sounds like it has cotton in it and he is now losing his memory do to the over drugging. If we do not stop this 100% of there patients will have dementia as long time use of anti psychotics cause lose of IQ points and dementia. Jon has given up all hope. They are killing my brother so he will never cost the hospital system any money again. Vista Knoll gets Medical, Social security and Medicare and Jon gets no money at all. Please help me get media attention to help my brother or he will be institutionalized forever. The courts are not being cooperative and Jon and I am suffering . The court ignoring me show that they are string to put me out of the system as an attorney as well as banish Jon from society. Can You help me get some Media attention. I have reported this to the regulatory boards but you know their just like sheep guarding the hens house. Nancy Sussman 619-231-1215

    Amber shared a story:

    I have read about the new bill that could assist with visiting rights of adult children of ailing parents. Thank you dearly for all of your work and I want to be a part of any efforts to assist. I also am reaching out to share my situation. My stepfather as POA has restricted my visitation with my mother without justification. She suffers from advanced Parkinson’s disease and dementia, and resides at an assisted living in Annapolis. After much research and seeking legal counseI regarding my circumstances I have been advised that there is nothing I can do, and that I have no rights as a loving daughter to rightfully visit with, or comfort my mother as her disease progresses.
    I grew up in the Annapolis area where I live part time again care-taking my mother while I reside and work in NYC. I freelance in order to travel down every other week for several days to comfort and spend time with her. It is difficult and costly, yet necessary for her peace of mind, and my own. I love spending time with her, even in these difficult circumstances of ambiguous loss and I feel grateful that we are close. The needs of residents at the Assisted Living are not met as there are not enough caregivers and care is limited. My other family members are barely there or available to spend quality time. My mother is physically weak, cannot express her needs, is incontinent, has fear and anxiety, and can’t walk on her own without falling. The time we share improves her emotional well-being, lifts her spirits, and temporarily eases her brutal physical symptoms.
    The home convinced my stepfather to only restrict me from her room for now when he tried to ban me entirely. Recently, after my mother came back from a hospital visit, I was not allowed to enter in to be by her side to ease her confusion. It may only be a matter of time where I could be kept from her entirely. My stepfather is unstable having Manic Depression. He suffers from Alcoholism with Addiction, as he juggles meds for his mental illness combined with other health problems. He’s led a mostly functioning life since he is educated, accomplished and intelligent . When I witnessed him physically and mentally abusing my mother in recent years, I reached out to family and they dismissed me. Having exposed him, his actions are vindictive toward me at my mother’s expense and his POA still stands.
    It is impossible to get gaurdianship. My sister made a strong attempt to do so and failed, advised that it would be too difficult and costly. Despite my stepfather’s problems, and acts of harassment toward me, he has the power to ban me from my own mother without justification. The love and care she needs from me is dire for her more comfortable progression. I share this sad story so the laws will change. It must be understood how urgent and devastating the current situation is for adult children with specific situations of POA abuse. To not even be able to hold her hand, comfort her, or ultimately stay by her side in sickness or her eventual death is beyond any form of grief she and I could face. In the meantime, her disease is progressing for the worse. I am grateful for your time on this. Thank you for any correspondence regarding the bill or relating to these matters.

    Kimberly shared a story:

    My father is currently a victim of financial and mental abuse. It is a nightmare.

    Ginger shared a story:

    We are going to court next week in Seattle, WA. Elderly victim has been kept isolated in a rest home for more than a year. Good son, her siblings, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren have all been kept from visitation. The evil son has guardianship. She must feel that her family has abandoned her! NOT TRUE. Evil son gets to use her money to cover attorney fees. We scrape together money for costs of going to court and travel expenses, etc. God please help us. We pray that this injustice we’ll be righted before our dear relative passes on.

    Daniel shared a story:

    My mother passed from pancreatic cancer and my father was diagnosed with alzheimers and diabetic. My brother and I were left to care for my father. As per my mothers wishes my brother and I were to care for his needs for the future. We both understood what was to be expected since my grandmother was also diagnosed years ago. Grandma lived in the house with us as we grew up. So we fully know what is to come. I work 3 blocks from the house and see my father almost evryday for lunch and/or talk on the phone. Even ewhen he had hurricane sandy hit my father lived in my house for a short time. My home has been always open to him, even to live with us if he ever wanted to. One day when I visited dad I found a strange woman at the house, seems my brother decided that his old evicted cleaning lady needed a place to live and she moved in as his “health care aid”. She had no training at all, she was prviously the cleaning lady at my brothers old house. With in the month he was hospitalized for diabetic coma. I found out he was in hospital from the neighbor who road over with him to hospital. The"cleaning lady" was not allwoded to call me by my brother. At this point I find out that my brother made my father turn the house into his name. Also had dad give him and his wife power of attorney over his life. Completely cutting me out. My childrens college funds that mom and dad setup were changed into his name. When I tried to visit dad and get to the bottom of whats happenning., I was given an order of protection against dad and him. The order was completely made up and false. Made it to the judge and was thrown out of the courts. My children cant visit him due to the “Cleaning lady in house and her family that is moving into the house”. I tried to talk to lawyers but I have no funds to pay them. Everyday I drive by the house since I pass everyday to work just hoping I can see him in the door. I have a right to see my dad, my children have a right to see there grandpa. He is captive in the house. His car he owns and has registered is driven by the woman. His phone is disconnected so no one can call him.

    The bill needs to pass

    Esayas shared a story:

    I’m living in small town called Jimma in Ethiopia. In that small town there are more than 132 poorest elderlies who are deprived of basic services living on street. I with my friends organized local donors to support at least 20 of them. Their living condition and life history is really health-touching. But we can change if we can move in harmony. If you can expand your program here I’m ready to voluntarily work with you. because that’s my VISION!

    Peggy shared a story:

    this summer my mother’s legal guardian had me was arrested because i would not leave my dying mother’s bedside. i spent the afternoon and evening in jail and was released with the agreement that i would appear at an arraignment the next morning at 8 a.m. i was told i would be arrested again if i tried to go back to her bedside. the guardian called me at 4 a.m. to tell me mother had died. i told him i was going over to see her and he said you will be arrested if you do. i got in my car and drove over. a police car met me. he said i had permission to see her for fifteen minutes and would be arrested again if i stayed longer. i stayed for an hour a security guard was outside the door. i stayed for an hour. no one would tell me what time she died or whether she had regained consciousness at the end or whether she had been in pain. the corner was there – even though her death was expected and no one wold tell me why. i left her body two hours later and made my 8 a.m. court arraignment. i pleaded not guilty and went directly to the funeral home to finish the arrangements – i wanted to take her ‘home’ which was a few hours away – to the cemetary where her family was buried. from the moment of her death, no one cared about what happened to her – the guardian who had me arrested no longer had any power over her. i made arrangements and paid for the funeral and took her home.

    my heart is still in shock. this happened on july 8 of 2015 and the unjustness of the event has thrown me to a place where i no longer believe in anything or anyone.

    Tammy shared a story:

    My name is Tammy Budgins and I live in Germantown, Wisconsin. My father had an aneurysm and suffered several strokes and has been in and out of the hospital/nursing home for the past 10 years. Over the last several years, I was able to visit him at the day care center where he stayed during the day throughout the week. I visited him at least once every week for those 10 years and daily if he was hospitalized. Ever since I voiced my concerns to my mother regarding his care and the situation at home, we do not speak. My mother recently could not afford to send him to the nursing home and now he is living at home with her full time and with another male companion. I do not know this individual, he is a stranger that they met at a casino and he now lives with them rent free. You can imagine why I’m concerned. Now, my mother is solely caring for my dad and will not allow anyone to speak to him or see him. She is diabetic and in very poor health and needs to use a walker to get around.

    Due to my dad’s frequent hospitalizations, I never knew whether he was at home, at the hospital, or in a nursing home. I would have to call around to nursing homes to see if my dad was there because my mother would not tell me where he was. I made weekly phone calls to the hospital to see if he was admitted and if he was, my mother blocked me and all family members from receiving any information on his well being. One time I called the hospital and learned that he was just admitted to the ICU. Due to my mother’s instruction, they could not disclose any information to me. I spent the entire next 2 days wondering if he was dead or alive. I can’t even explain how horrible it was knowing that my father was dying and that I wasn’t able to be by his side to comfort him and to say good bye!

    I haven’t seen or spoke to my father in over 3 months now. I have no idea how he is doing and no way of finding out. For my own sanity, I have had to put this aside and come to terms that I most likely will never get to see him again before he dies. My last visit unbeknownst to me was the last time I may ever see him. I love him dearly and we really became close. Time is running out and the only hope I have to see him again is if the legistration for House Bill 43 (allowing visitation rights) is passed in Wisconsin. Not only should it be passed in the state of Wisconsin but throughout the entire United States so something like this will never happen again to anyone else. A Guardian should be the person to protect the wishes of an ailing person, but they should not have the authority to strip them of all of their rights!

    Please, please pass House Bill 43!!!

    Thank you for your time.

    Harris shared a story:

    For over 33 years The Foundation Aiding The Elderly has assisted over 6000 families, at no charge, in the fight against elder abuse

    Christopher shared a story:

    I am writing to you on behalf of a friend who is having difficulties with seeing and speaking to his mother because his sister who has the power of attorney has him tied up in legal knots. She has set up certain times when he can see or talk to her at the facility where she lives (Country Winds Manor in Cresco, IA. ) But most of the time when he calls, the staff won’t put his calls through to his mom; or they listen in on an extension line to what’s being said! He just recently saw her for the first time since his birthday in August of last year. She had a Christmas gift for him. My friend has contacted Senator Rob Hogg regarding Senate File#306 and has been told that his sister is operating outside the scope of her powers by preventing them from communicating with each other. The person who told him that was Iowa Legal Aid staff attorney Mr. Jason Burdick. He does have a copy of the document that was sent to him. I know he believes that it was a very great thing that a persona such as Ms. Kasem developed this bill which became law to protect people from having family members kept apart simply because 1 or 2 people want all the control! He is a member of a protected class of people because of a disability further making his sister’s behavior even more illegal and reprehensible under the A.D.A. which is a federal law which somehow nobody seems to be paying attention to! This man’s sister is a bully, working at a job she hates; but still managing to convince their mother she is simply looking out for her best interests of all things! He has contacted several agencies looking for help in this matter; and so far they are telling him they don’t have the time or the staff to assist him! Please Ms. Kasem; if you know of someone who can help my friend please contact him. His address is 514 5th Ave. W. Apt. 24 in Cresco, IA. 52136. His phone number is 563-203-0720. Or you can send him an E-mail at He does prefer physical mail or a voice mail; he does check them often. He will be very thankful to receive assistance with this issue for we both feel it has gone on far too long already!! P.S. I was a certified Geriatric Nurse’s Aide years ago, my father was Administrator of 2 different facilities, and my mother was an administrative assistant so there is knowledge of care facilities in our past. My friend has been a police officer with training from R.C.T.C. in Rochester, MN. All he’s asking for is some help in evening out the scales of justice! I want to assure you that I am a qualified source of information in this matter; and I have known this man for almost 16 years!

    Sarah shared a story:

    My mother’s husband died, after death his daughter has signed her property in her name,has sold her car,has control over finishes, now waiting to put her In a convalescent home,keeping her lock away from everyone. I need help ASAP.

    Kathy shared a story:

    hi,my name is Kathy Alexander..I was very close to my parents,Newton Cyril Alexander,& my Mom Joyce Rosalie Alexander.They last lived in Claremont California.I lived in Northern,ca from 1979-2003.I had been 100% disabled in 2000,due to a back injury sustained at work.from the time I was born until 2013,I spent every Christmas with my parents,and every birthday,every minute I could spend with them I did.My brother,Michael Newton Alexander & his wife Stephanie Alexander,for whatever reason,quit speaking to my parents,from 1992-2002.

    My brother Michael is an intl attorney,in Saudi Arabia.His wife Stephanie shops!They have 4 children.Mandie C.Paredez,of Henderson,Nv,Elizabeth Rose Alexander McKenna,Carter Michael Alexander of Behrain,& Caitlin Emily Alexander.My Mom became ill in Oct of 2012.My Dad,was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease years ago.When my Mom,ended up in ICU,on Dec 11,2012.Prior I had spent 2 weeks with my parents,this was the last thanksgiving,I would spend with them together.My Mom was in Renal Failure,by Dec.12th of 2012,I new something was wrong with me then,it took everything I had to go see her.It was so hard to see a woman that drove,and was independent,to not being able to write her own name.I suffered a nervous breakdown.during this time.Prior to Moms hospitalization,I voluntarily admitted myself to Redlands Hospital,in Redlands ca,for psychiatric care.At the time of my Moms hospitalization,even though I was not close to my brother nor my sister in law,I had put a call out to them.Stephanie called back,& spoke to my Dad,but was reluctant to talk to me.I begged her for help,& she came thru with flying colors.She was in California,at the time.she always came there in October,to get ready for the holidays,as two of her children live in Henderson ,Nevada,one lived in Fullerton, well as their grandchildren.

    Even though Stephanie had taken on taking care of my Mom,while she was in Pilgrims place,in Claremont,ca…I still had some skeptisisim.After all where were they for 20 years?Why did they not allow my parents to see their grandchildren?It wasn’t until I contacted Mandie,my oldest niece,during the time of the horrible wildfires of 2002,I was living up North,& couldn’t get to Southern Ca, because of the fires,my parents lost their home,& everything in it.Mandie lived close by,& went & checked their house.It was burnt to the foundation.My parents were in Laughlin,nevada,at the time.I spoke with Mandie on the phone,& told her to get hold of my brother Mike,tell him there had been a family tragedy,& that he needed to get home & be with my parents,who were now in Palm springs,ca living in an extended stay.He flew out 2 days later,his whole family showed up there to be with my parents.

    That was the first contact they had had in years.From there on,until my Mom died in Sept 2013,my parents relationship with Michael & Stephanie had seemingly improved.During the time.My parents,had fixed their will to where I was the executor,I was POA for financial,& POA for Healthcare,I was also to receive all the contents of my parents home,checking & saving accts,both of their retirement pensions.All of this would be put into a medical trust to help me with any rehab,surgeries,any medical needs I had.after they were both deceased. But by the summer of 2013,I wasn’t improving mentally.& my brother at this time was made,Executor,POA of financial,& Stephanie POA of Healthcare.Which at the time,I felt was fine, My Mom had insisted that we go pick up all of her jewelry,& take it home.Also she told me prior to MY hospitalization,she started crying & told me that she wanted me to have her wedding ring…About a week after we got the suitcase with her jewelry in it ,then I received a call from Michael,that we to return the suitcase immediately!!I don’t know why I let him intimidate me!!didn’t realize that they would take that suitcase & all the jewelry in it!I then asked Stephanie where my Moms wedding ring was,& she said she had it.I told her mom wanted me to have it…a few weeks went on,& I called her again,She didn’t return my call,but Dad said,that Elizabeth had taken it to get it sized for me!!!She didn’t know my size!!I called her and she said she doesn’t have the ring!!So my MOMS WISHES were NEVER GRANTED. Also Caitlin was living at my parents home ,she told me that when we took the Kinkade pictures with my Dad,that Stephanie said,those were her pictures!!!!!!!!None of those were hers!!My Dad told us before we moved to get anything we wanted out of the house,especially those pictures!!Because they were beautiful,& also worth a lot of money.Stephanie told my Dad that we sold them.They are all up on our walls,with the exception of the 4 Stephanie took.She also had the locks changed,but she failed change the lock on the backdoor!!So Joy & some of our friends,,went in and took some chairs,& a few other things,& left the rest.Which there was a lot left.But since I found the will,it wasn’t signed by Dads atty ,nor anyone.I already have a medical set aside for my back,from workmans comp.But alot of things were missing from their home already.About a week or more,prior to my Moms death,I again admitted myself ,this time to Riverside Behavioral Hospital,in which I was treated for grief,because I was grieving prior to Moms death.I got to see my Mom,one more time,& she looked & acted the best she ever had,since her illness.

    Prior to this,we were making payments to my Dad,for what was supposed to be our home eventually….but sometime that summer after the will had changed to my brother being in charge,my Dad refinanced the home,& took out a large amount of equity,without telling us,I knew my brother had told him to do it,by this time,we could tell my Dad was starting to be controlled by Mike & Stephanie.Our house payment went up,we could not afford this much longer.They were starting to control everything,not only my Dads financial& healthcare,but all the way to our family dog,Rocky.Also,my Dad was hospitalized about 6 weeks after my moms death,for Aspiration Pneumonia.I was with him when it happened,& called 911,& the ambulance took him to the hospital.I was at his house for a week,went and saw him everyday.then I went he was transferred to Pilgrims place to recover.The next thing that I found out was,that Dad was going to be moving to an Assisted living place called Pacifica,senior living in Henderson,Nv.months later.where it was a lot cheaper tor him to live,vs California,plus some of the grandkids lived about 5 minutes fm him.It all sounded well,& good.But we were going to have to move,because we couldn’t afford these high housepayments,& I couldn’t qualify,anywhere in California,for enough money to buy or even rent a home.Dad knew this.He even insisted before he moved,that we take him to the bank to get things out of his security box,including all of his gold,which there were 25 1000 dollar gold coins,that he insisted he give us.We asked him several times,to make sure he wanted to do this,& he told us yes,& he told the banker yes.He was giving it to us to move.Prior to this,he insisted that we go to his home,& take all the Kinkade paintings,for ourselves.He even went with us one time to get some of them,even though Pilgrims place told us,that if we took him from pilgrims place,just to go to dinner , they would call Stephanie to get permission for us to take him anywhere,or they would call the police!!!!It was then,that we truly knew that he was being intimidated & controlled.

    I went to Henderson Nevada,to see my Dad,one more time before we moved.Pacifica,was a very nice place,where Dad really liked it there.We were talking to Dad every 2-3 days,& sent him cards Dad wanted to remarry,but Michael & Stephanie wouldn’t let him.My brother said “Quit acting like a schoolboy”.I told my Dad I was all for it!!!!!!!!!!!.some months had passed,& he was placed in Kindred ,Flamingo Hospital.Spoke with each other all the time…..the case manager,had told me in May of 2015,that since he was in a nursing home environment,that his health status,couldnt be kept from us….then in September of 2015,we had made plane,hotel & car reservations..I had called my Dad that Sunday,that we would be flying to Nevada, for a week,to see him.He was so excited.Then I called him Weds,and when the nurses station answered the phone,they told me that STEPHANIE,had told the entire staff,,that they weren’t allowed to give me..any information.,even the case manager told me this..I called APS,& ELDER LAW in Nevada .They told me there was nothing they could do!!!I spent money,trying to find my Dad,on BEENVERIFIED.COM,INTELLIUS.COM&CHECKMATE.COM.IT showed the last place my dad lived was CLAREMONT,CA.IT ALSO SHOWED THAT MY MOM,LIVED WITH MY NIECE ELIZABETH UNTIL HER DEATH AT 77 YRS OF AGE.MY MOM DIED WHEN SHE WAS 75.Since this time,my DAD called twice…once on OCT.6 2015 on his birthday & again, on THANKSGIVING DAY….BUT THAT DAY,STEPHANIE TOLD JOY THAT WE HAD 5 mins..& that if we mentioned her name once,SHE WOULD HANG UP THE PHONE.MY DAD WAS CALLING FM HER CELLPHONE,& BEING PROMPTED ON WHAT TO SAY TO US.WHEN WE ASKED HIM IF HE COULD TELL US WHERE HE WAS,HE SAID NO!!!!!!!!!!HE SAID HE WAS A RESIDENT..THAT WAS ALL.Its hard to understand my Dad sometimes…..but after he said that,he said BYE then the phone went dead….Everything it says on here about the person being scared,,,intimidated,humiliated,being dependent on them,the whole scenario is my Dad& what he is going through.He is close to end stage Parkinsons,he needs to be able to talk to me,Im his only Daughter & his only hope!These people are controlling my Dad,everything he wants,everything he does,is what THEY WANT HIM OR WILL ALLOW HIM to do.The kids wont tell me where he is,nor my parents friends,not even my Moms sister….Its because they have THREATENED HIM & THEM. I received a call,from someone,that told me my Dad was being put on Medicaid…what happened to my dads 4,000.00 pension??AND MY MOMS TIAA RETIREMENT FUND?IT SOUNDs Like Mike & Stephanie depleted it.Whats more what gave them the right,to take all my Moms Jewelry,& other things that we had given her…her wedding ring, the kinkade pictures,christmas items,that I had bought her,all the things we had bought my DadMost are gone!!!!!!!!!THIS IS ELDER ABUSE OF THE HIGHEST FORM!WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!MY DADS RIGHTS & OUR RIGHTS HAVE BEEN VIOLATED!!!!!!HOW DO WE GET HELP TO TALK TO MY DAD,& SEE HIM WHEN WE HAVE THE MONEY TO DO SO???PLEASE HELP US!!!!!!!!THIS IS WRONG!MY DAD NEEDS US!PLEASE HELP US!!!!!!!!!THANKS SO MUCH,KATHY & JOY ALEXANDER

    Niki shared a story:

    Andrea shared a story:












    Carol shared a story:

    My brothers been isolated..and will die in the system unless we get help or publicity

    Lisa shared a story:

    In April 2014 some of our family visited my nephew and his wife in TN. We had a great time and we left on great terms as we have during any other visit. In October, 2014 my 35 yr old nephew had a stroke rendering him unable to speak for himself and leaving him with total left sided paralysis. When he had the stroke his wife didn’t call 911, but had him walk to the car and she drove him to the hospital. It was a couple of days before she called his mother to notify her. His wife allowed his mother and brother to visit once right after the stroke and after that, she immediately and completely cut him off from his family and no one to this day understands why. The only reason I have thought of is that she has asked his mother and step-father for money in the past and many times they helped them out financially by paying at least for medical bills as well as given them other things (computer, car). We think the wife eventually got upset that after continuously asking for money, his parents suggested helping them with a budget, as well as paying their medical expenses and we think that it upset his wife that they didn’t just keep writing out blank checks to them.

    I use the word “sociopath” when speaking of his wife to our other family members because she, to me, displays those signs. She is hurtful, manipulative, controlling, shut-off and she has convinced everyone she knows (from her family, work, and church) that she is the victim and that no one should speak with us. For her to convince so many others of this tells me she is good and knows exactly what she’s doing. She is also very well-spoken, well-read, very intelligent, and excels at her job from what we understand.

    At first she allowed my nephew’s best friend to communicate with only my nephew’s brother and only when and how she dictated. Eventually, she realized she was putting the best friend in a difficult situation and she since has asked some man she knows to serve as a “mediator”. He clearly is not a professional, objective, mediator- most likely just a friend of hers.

    To make matters worse, when my nephew was transferred from the hospital to the dilapidated state-run nursing home he is in, we weren’t informed of that, and the Home wasn’t informed about him even having a family or friends. We found out that his wife didn’t even go see him for the first month and everyone who worked in the Home thought that he had no family. She then started going to see him, how often, it is not known.

    Recently, she has “allowed” his mother and step father to see him and only through planning the visit with her “mediator”/friend. Eventually she said that anyone could go see him as long as they let her know. We think that is only because at the Home they really don’t care who goes in there (scary, but in a way, good for us). That’s how it stands as of today.

    Since his stroke his wife didn’t inform any of the doctors of his very significant past medical history. He had leukemia as a child, received chemo and radiation, has had a lot of negative side effects through today due to those treatments and has been part of a research study at St. Jude’s Hospital since then. His wife has no idea of the danger she is putting him in by not relaying ALL of his medical information to the treating doctors. What is worse is that since she moved him to the Home, he’s had no physical/occupational/speech therapy and we understand he has also had more seizures and strokes since his admission into the Home. We fear he will only continue to deteriorate physically as well as mentally and emotionally from being kept away from his family. We even wonder if the reason his wife has alienated us is that maybe she encouraged him to stop taking his meds since they were giving him problems, and that’s when he had the seizure and stroke. Maybe she’s afraid we’ll find out she had something to do with the condition he’s in now.

    His mother isn’t even asking to make decisions for him, all she and we want is to be able to see him without interference from his wife and his mother, who works in the medical field wants to be able to communicate with doctors so they have important information that they need for his care.

    After all this time of thinking she would come around, his mother, father, and step-father finally consulted with an attorney. The only thing he offered them was filing for “conservatorship” for his medical care. But if they file, the concern is that it will only upset her and then she’ll cut us off completely again.

    This situation seems like a “hostage/kidnapper” situation with her calling the shots.
    Never in our lives did any of us think we would be in such a situation. There has never been any person in our family like my nephew’s wife. I keep saying that this seems like something that should go on 20/20, Dateline, or could even be a Lifetime movie. We just aren’t sure how to proceed from here.

    From what I’ve read, it looks like this Bill pertains to elderly people, but we now see that the bigger picture is not only the elderly, but really any person unable to fend for themselves, which could be at any age. Maybe this bill will get some things in motion. I am very sorry for what your family endured. Thank you for taking the time and effort to create such a positive outcome from a sad situation.

    Tom shared a story:

    My Dad passed away in January 2013. Since then my mother has been surrounded by my sister’s. Making me more and more uncomfortable as time passed. Until late 2013 when my sister and brother created a family separation. That ended my relationship with them and my mother. My mother has turned into a scared and vengeful person. Because of the manipulation from my two siblings. They have talked her out of spending time with her youngest son (me) and my son her youngest grandchild. Even by talking her our of attending my wedding, not giving me her forwarding address. Now, she is forced to relay all communication with me through my sister. I believe she is being controlled and manipulated at every turn. My sister or the company she works for control her lease. So, she is fearful to invite me to her home. No one should have that sort of power over someone else.

    Carol shared a story:

    Happening to my brother now….spent 3000.00 just to b able to visit n I don’t have money

    Justice shared a story:

    Here is a scam occurring on Kauai. This story is not the only documented case. Other heirs of Hawaii Attorney Nancy Budd’s deceased clients have since came forward claiming the decedents were also victims. Even though we have several cases of elders in Kauai being defrauded through their living trusts which were all drafted by Attorney Nancy Budd only a few short months before their deaths, Hawaii agencies have yet to investigate, report and hold any of the ones involved accountable. SENIORS BEWARE!! A professional solicitor exerted undue influence upon a 75 yr old, elderly man, in poor health in Hawaii. Who only hired the estate planning attorney to draft his estate plan. The attorney who was also a board member, council member, legal advisor and fiduciary for the non profit charity The Hawaii Community Foundation drafted her associated charity into the mans trust for half of his entire estate. Hawaii Attorney Nancy J Budd drafted, witnessed and notarized the mans trust which gifted $500,000 to her nonprofit. After the elderly man met with Attorney Nancy J. Budd he was found suspiciously deceased exactly 7 months later in Kauai. Here we have a Hawaii State Board of Education member, who scams her elderly estate planning clients via her own private practice. As well as with her position as a board member of The Hawaii Community Foundation nonprofit charity. Please share this story! It could happen to you and your family. Hawaii Elder Law Estate Planning Attorney Nancy J. Budd Yamakawa Nancy Budd. This case needs to be investigated. The complete story can be viewed at the following link:

    Jennifer shared a story:

    A Grandmother in Peril
    By Jennifer Warner

    I desperately fear for my 100-year-old grandmother’s well being. She lives in Sonora, CA (Northern California, east of Modesto). As a child, she rescued me from foster care and took me in as her own, but now my hands are tied so that I cannot take care of her when she needs me the most. The person who has tied them is a man of nearly absolute power: he controls the very air that she breathes and the food she is allowed to eat. He is her court-appointed Conservator and is set to control her estate once she dies. Until then, he controls her food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and in-home personal care. As he himself has proudly declared, he “basically controls her life.”

    This man was trusted with his lofty position due to a family conflict over how my grandmother’s money would be used to pay for her growing care needs. He came with an impressive sounding title—California licensed professional fiduciary—and was touted as a fair and neutral third-party who would help diffuse the conflict. He was given the job only after an extensive interview process, during which he represented to me that I could continue caring for my grandmother on a day-to-day basis and could continue supervising her medical care. Once he had the job, he drastically changed course. During the month of November 2014, he isolated my grandmother from her family. We had to come at certain times of the day, and all of our visits had to be closely monitored by privately paid caregivers who reported back to the Conservator. One of those caregivers put towels in my grandmother’s windows so that no one could see in. The Conservator also instructed the caregivers to unplug my grandmother’s phone for most of the day.

    On Dec. 2nd, the Conservator arranged for liquid morphine—a powerful respiratory depressant—to be delivered to her home to help with respiratory distress, which none of her family members could detect. He instructed her caregivers to administer the morphine “as needed” for her supposed respiratory distress. He was undeterred by the fact that they were not medical professionals and some had never even given morphine before. In fact, he boldly insisted that he himself could put the morphine in her mouth—despite the fact that he has no medical training other than basic first aid. Had the morphine been given to my grandmother, her precious life may have been cut short.

    Deeply troubled, I filed a report with Tuolumne County Adult Protective Services. APS forwarded my report to the Court Investigator in the Probate Court that appointed the Conservator. I went to local law enforcement, and they also determined that my concerns needed to be handled by the Probate Court. I filed a complaint with the Conservator’s state licensing board, and an investigator requested a copy of the Court Investigator’s report to help her figure out what to do. I received one message loud and clear: only the Court should monitor its own.
    Meanwhile, the Court Investigator assured me that she would look into my concerns and would present her findings to the Probate Court Judge. She went on to craft a report that fully supported her colleague, the Conservator. Just recently, it was confirmed that the Court Investigator did not even investigate the facts underlying my concerns, but, instead, reported information that was favorable to the Conservator—even when much of this information had not been corroborated. Despite my several requests to change Conservators, the Judge has kept this Conservator in power. And, yes, she gave great weight to the Court Investigator’s report.

    In explaining the reason for the morphine, the Conservator stated that my grandmother had less than a month to live. I was not allowed to verify this prediction because he had taken away my ability to communicate freely with my grandma’s medical professionals. However, when I observed my grandmother, I saw no significant decline and so I intervened so that she would not receive the morphine. When I finally could speak to the medical staff, they had no idea where the Conservator’s dire prediction came from and they explained that the morphine had been prescribed only as a precaution.

    Nine months later, my grandmother is still alive and proclaiming that she wants to hit 101. Yet protecting her delicate life continues to be a struggle. The Conservator finally gave up on the administration of morphine, but, since then, I have witnessed a whole host of other suspicious happenings.

    My grandmother is supposed to be on 24/7 oxygen, yet her oxygen has sometimes been left off for extended periods of time and her oxygen level allowed to plummet. Rather than showing concern about her falling oxygen levels, the Conservator implemented restrictions on how often family members could check her oxygen level.

    On two different occasions, my grandmother had a medical emergency, but neither the Conservator nor the caregivers called 9-1-1. It is probable that the first was a mini-stroke, but the Conservator would not allow the test that would have confirmed this diagnosis. And the caregivers who were on duty at the time refused to answer any questions about what happened. Her quality of life has not been the same since.
    My grandmother has also been confined to her bed for over four months—even though the doctor keeps saying that it is safe for her to be helped out of bed and she has two caregivers on duty around the clock. A woman who used to walk miles a day and is still strong enough to stand now spends her days looking at the walls of her bedroom. Not only is she missing out on some of life’s simple pleasures, being bedridden puts her at risk for several medical problems, such as pneumonia, bedsores, and muscle atrophy.

    When I speak up about these troubling occurrences, the Conservator ignores me. According to him, I need to stay in my place and be “just a granddaughter.” Never mind that my grandmother raised an assertive woman who is now a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Care Manager, specializing in older adults. I must learn to submit to the authority of a man who took a 30-hour course and passed a two-hour licensing exam.

    And I already know what will happen if I bring my ongoing concerns to the attention of one of the agencies charged with protecting older adults. Any report will boomerang back to the Probate Court to investigate one of its own. So the Conservator keeps his job and escapes accountability. My grandmother’s health is continually at risk. And I cannot escape constant worry and stress. I receive my mandate to look out for my grandmother from a Higher Authority, and no Conservator—and no Court—can take that away from me. And so I muster the courage to share my story and, in so doing, I hope to regain some of my personal power.

    Wende shared a story:

    After two years I no longer had the financial means to fight in court to get my mom back. My cousins took control of my mother who has Alzheimer’s After my dad died – even had a diagnosis from a neurologist. Within three months my cousins had every asset of my moms turned over into their name and within two years married her off to a family member. He now controls her and will not allow anyone to see her and takes her out of town often to keep us away from her. My mother wants to see her grandchildren – hasn’t seen them in years but he just took her out of town again. This battle has worn me and my family down and would appreciate greatly any help and support. Thank you for what you are doing.

    Lisa shared a story:

    I heard this is a great organization to help victims of elder abuse. Who can I contact for more information?

    Laurie shared a story:

    My name is Laurie. I am the youngest of 5 children. My mother passed away in 1998 at the age of 75. My father was 76 at the time of her passing. My father was in great shape and thankfully was able to continue on.

    I need to lay a little foundation in regards to my siblings and their geographics in relation to my father. The eldest child, born in 1943, lives an hour from my father. The second child, born in 1944, lives in Idaho, many, many hours from my father. The third child, born in 1951, (now deceased) lived in New York City, many, many, many hours from my father. The fourth child, born in 1959, lives in Los Angeles, many, many hours from my father. The 5th child, me, lives/lived in the same city as my father. I was always referred to as the “baby” by my mother & father, the child who kept them young! I was born in 1963, a 20 year difference between me and the eldest child. 19 years between me and my sister, who has now taken complete control of my father.

    As the story goes, after my beautiful mother passed away in 1998, my father was physically well………..I remained close to my dad, travelling with him, sticking by his side as he and my mother had been married for 55 years when she passed away………..he was a little lost to say the least. He did eventually pull through and began living his life without my beautiful mother at his side. I remained in the same town as my dad, just to make sure he was fine. In 2001, July/August, his 80th birthday was fast approaching, August 27th, he and I planned a trip to visit his second eldest child (my sister) and her family in Idaho. My dad was going through a bout of depression at this particular time in his life, not sure what he was going through, just knew, it was not pretty. Prior to understanding that my dad was in a really dark place, I had planned my annual big summer trip to the lake with friends (approximately two weeks before he and I were going to Idaho for his birthday), as I was packing for the lake trip, my father looked in to my eyes, and with despair in his eyes he asked me to please, please not leave him alone. I very vividly remember driving to Albuquerque (an hour from Santa Fe) with my dad in the car, seated next to me, to two of my very, very best friend’s home……….there they had the motor home out, the boat hooked up to the motor home………filling the fridge, filling the coolers……….they asked if I was ready to go………… response was, “sorry, my friends, I am going to have to sit this trip out, something very deep is going on with my dad, and I can’t leave him alone”——my friends as wonderful as they are, asked him to come along…… dad was in a very, very dark place and he did not want to go………..I thanked them, my dad acted as “normal” as he could with them, and we drove away. I must admit, my dad had not ever, ever made a request of that nature to me, I knew something terrible was going on with him, and I was not about to leave his side. About 10 to 12 days later he and I made another trip to Albuquerque (60 miles) from home, it was while we were in ABQ that my sister called, she was adamant that I take my father to his attorney’s office to sign some documents before we left, got on the road to Idaho……….remember we were going to Idaho to celebrate my dad’s 80th birthday. I told her I was really busy tying up loose ends before we we left and that I would get him to his attorney’s office in due time, her response was, ‘you cannot leave Santa Fe without him signing the paperwork at his lawyer’s office’——-she was beyond adamant, I should have realized at that moment something was up. She also told me I had to pick up 500 lbs. of saltillo tile, load it in the trunk of my father’s Lexus and drive it to Idaho, as she was having a home built and wanted my dad and I to deliver her tile to her………… about dangerous. However, as we did return from ABQ early afternoon, I drove straight to the saltillo tile store, loaded the tile in the trunk of my dad’s Lexus and then proceeded to the attorney’s office. I drove my dad up to the door, he got out, I told him I was going to park the car and then I’d be in. I did exactly that and went in to the attorney’s office. My dad had already been taken in to a conference room, where I was escorted, he was there with the attorney. I was greeted by the attorney and asked to have a seat. My dad had some documents in front of him and was being given direction as to where to sign. I asked my dad if I could look at the documents prior to him signing, he looked a little perplexed, but said, ‘yes, go ahead’. As I read the documents, I was in absolute disbelief, these were the documents my sister was adamant my father sign prior to he and I getting on the road to Idaho. The documents went as follows: I, Joseph J. Martinez being of sound mind and body, do herby remove my son Mark Lawrence Martinez as executor to my Will, in removing my son, Mark Lawrence Martinez, I herby appoint my daughter, Lucille Martinez Allen, as executor to my Will. In the event Lucille Martinez Allen cannot act as executor to my Will, I herby appoint Michael Allen, (Lucille’s husband) as executor to my Will, in the event, Michael Allen cannot act as executor to my Will, I herby appoint Terry Dee Elmore, (Lucille’s daughter, Mr. Martinez’ granddaughter) as executor to my Will. In the event, Terry Dee Elmore cannot act as executor to my Will, I hereby appoint A.J. Allen (Lucille’s son, Mr. Martinez’ grandson) as executor to my Will.————————-
    I pushed the documents aside and asked my dad if he knew what he was about to sign, I asked him if anyone had called Mark in NYC and told him, that he was being removed as executor to my dad’s Will…………I also asked my dad, with the attorney present why he would be inclined to leave Lucille’s family in charge of his entire estate. My dad told me that was not his intent, that was not what he wanted, he asked ‘why would I have Mike, Terry & A.J. in my Will to make decisions when I have my own children to make decisions’, I told him I would have to agree with what he had just said, and that is why I wanted him to understand exactly what he was about to sign, all of that entire dialogue was said with the attorney present. I then called my sister, my call went unanswered. I then called my niece and told her to have her mother call me immediately, I explained that I was in my father’s attorneys office, and was in disbelief of what was going on, my niece made every excuse in the book as to why her mother could not call me at that moment, I told her I’d give her 5 minutes to have her mother call me. Within 3 minutes my sister called, she began screaming at me, telling me I had NO business in there with my dad, it was his GD Will and he could do whatever he pleases with his GD Will. She then asked to talk to my dad, I handed him the phone and she began screaming at him, telling him I was not anything but a trouble maker, why did he allow me to go in to the attorneys’s office with him, what he was doing was not any of my business, I do not pay my bills, I was not supposed to know anything about what he was signing……….she told my dad she would not ever help him again, she was yelling four letter words at him…………..all the while I kept saying very loudly to her, “Lucille we can hear every word you are screaming at dad, the attorney is in here and is listening to every word of abuse you are screaming at dad”———-she was not listening to me, I doubt she could hear me, she was so angry she had been caught “red handed”, her final words to my dad, ‘take your GD will and shove it up your a$$’——then she hung up on my dad. My dad was shaking like a leaf in a heavy storm, the attorney had water brought in to my dad. The attorney also removed the document from my father and told him what she had observed in the past moments was that he obviously did not know what he was about to sign, and that he was not in his right mind (sound mind)——-the attorney also told my father, she was not about to, perhaps, lose her law degree/license or be disbarred by allowing him to sign the documents. With that being said, my father and I left the attorney’s office. The next day I returned the saltillo tile and, needless to say, the trip to Idaho was cancelled. I wanted to do something special for my dad for his 80th birthday, his depression was worse due to the episode in his attorney’s office, and he was extremely despondent his daughter spoke to him in the manner she did, due to not getting her way. I called my brother in Los Angeles and asked if dad & I could drive out and celebrate his 80th birthday in California. My brother said, ‘of course’, we were more than welcome at his home. My dad and I drove to Los Angeles and stayed with my brother, celebrated his birthday and had an awesome time!!!

    Fast forward to July 2002, not a year later…………Lucille was able to get my father to Idaho and completely have a new Will/Trust drawn up, through a lawyer in Idaho. I was removed from my father’s Will/Trust at that time. (She was determined she was going to make me pay, because I had stopped her shenanigans 11 months prior, and she did.) I was completely removed from everything. What she could not accomplish in Santa Fe in August of 2001………she got done, 11 months later, July 2002, in her home state of Idaho, with the help of a lawyer in Boise. I, of course had NO idea of what she was able to accomplish. She was able to get my dad to Idaho, take him to a lawyer, and coerce my dad to do what she could not accomplish 11 months prior. I truly wish, I could say this is made up, however, one cannot in any way shape or form make this stuff up!!! She has attempted to tell me, my father did all of the above on his own accord……………….however, my father has NOT EVER, EVER been the type of individual to book an airline ticket, fly to Idaho, land and ask his daughter to get him a LAWYER……………..because he suddenly decided to remove his youngest child (me) from his Will/Trust. Sorry, NOT buying her lies. However, she truly attempted, on more than one occasion to explain to me that is exactly what took place. If you knew my father, as many people do, they know he would not ever, ever do that. She coerced him to go to a lawyer in Idaho, she coerced the entire Will/Trust…………….who has ever heard of a Will/Trust not being able to be changed by the person who owns (Grantor) the Will/Trust (my father, in this case) UNLESS, he asks explicit permission from the attorney who drew up the Will/Trust. Who has ever heard of that? That is exactly what my father’s Will/Trust states.

    If I have a lawyer draw up my Will/Trust documents and later down the road, I choose to go to another attorney, revoke my first Will/Trust………I do not have to ask anyone’s permission, right? Or am I missing something? If I choose to change, revoke my Will/Trust 8 times, that is MY choice, NOT any of the attorneys who, prior to my eighth Will/Trust has drawn up paperwork, am I not correct? According to my father’s Will/Trust documents that is exactly what it reads, he cannot change anything prior to contacting the lawyer in Idaho who drew up the Will/Trust. Why??? Because, my sister made absolutely positive that clause was placed in my father’s Will/Trust.

    The way I learned my father had a lawyer in Idaho, or should I say the way I, once again caught my sister, “red handed”—————I was at my father’s home going through mail, as I still received mail on occasion at his house, I came upon an envelope from a lawyer in Boise, Idaho. I immediately called my brother in New York City and asked him if he was aware that our dad had a lawyer in Boise………he absolutely did not believe me, and asked what it was……….it was an invoice for a Trust. Mark was in total disbelief, so I sent him a copy of the invoice. Mark called and spoke to our father and asked him about the bill from the attorney, he also asked dad what the bill was for, dad told Mark that Lucille had taken him to a lawyer in Boise because it was “cheaper” than a Santa Fe attorney. Mark asked dad if he had a copy of whatever he had signed, dad told him ‘no’………..Mark asked dad if he had his permission to request a copy of his Will/Trust since he was the executor to his original Will/Trust. Dad told him, ‘yes, you have my permission to ask for a copy’———-Mark asked me to type up a document, in order for dad to sign, asking the attorney in Idaho to please send his son, Mark Lawrence Martinez, a copy of the Will/Trust documents that were executed in his office in Boise, Idaho. Then take dad to have him sign it in front of a notary and send it to the attorney in Idaho with Mark’s address, so the attorney could forward the Will/Trust to Mark in NYC. I did type up a document for my dad, I took my dad to the First National Bank of Santa Fe where he signed the request before a notary, she then notarized the request and I mailed it to the lawyer in Boise. Mark waited and waited for the documents to arrive, after several weeks, Mark called the attorney in Idaho and asked him why he had not sent the documents, the attorney became very beligerant with my brother, he told Mark he was not sending him the documents, and to forget the request his father had signed, period, end of story. Mark, was in NYC, his reply to me, ‘short of getting on a plane and flying to Idaho, what was he to do? This asshole told me he was not sending me a copy of what dad did in Boise, what can I do’? Of course, the attorney was not going to release the Will/Trust to my brother, it clearly stated I had been removed!!! Lucille surely did not want Mark to get his hands on that Will/Trust because Mark would not have ever allowed her to get away with what she had put in to action. Mark ALWAYS, ALWAYS did what was right, he had integrity and knew my father would not, solely, without being coerced, ever have allowed his youngest child to be removed from his Will/Trust. Thus, the entire reason Lucille made absolute positive, the attorney in Boise kept my father’s Will/Trust from Mark. I should also mention, through Lucille and her knowledge, the attorney took my condominium, which I have been the ONE & ONLY individual to pay the mortgage since purchased in 1993, Lucille had him place it in my father’s Will/Trust, due to the fact my father’s name is on the title, only with RIGHT OF SURVIVOR, it should not have ever been placed in his Will/Trust………………..once again, who could EVER make this stuff up???? It truly is almost unbelievable…..

    Fast forward to April 2007, I receive a call that my father was in the hospital, perhaps a heart attack. I was on a job 3 hours from Santa Fe, so I called my partner and asked her to please leave her job, go to the hospital and check on my father. Sonya immediately goes to the hospital, she finds my dad hooked up to a heart monitor, however, alert and stable. I get word from Sonya and leave Grants, NM as quickly as possible. I get to Santa Fe, this is a Thursday afternoon, to find that my dad, did indeed have a mild heart attack and was being kept in order to be monitored. Two days later, my sister arrives in Santa Fe, NM. Remember, because of her shenanigans, from 2001, she and I are not on speaking terms. I was at the hospital with my dad, when I turn and she suddenly appears. For me, it was like seeing a ghost……….she just appeared, I had NO idea she was coming to Santa Fe, and she is standing in dad’s hospital room. She immediately starts complaining about how disgusting the hospital is, how filthy the hospital is, how she would not ever be admitted there, she’d rather die than go to St. Vincent Hospital and on and on. I call The Heart Institute in ABQ and get my dad an appointment to be seen on Monday. My dad is dismissed late Saturday afternoon. Because of the situation in regards to my dad, I do my best to get along with Lucille. All 3, (my dad, Lucille and myself) go to The Heart Institute in ABQ on Monday, we find he needs a triple by-pass and a valve replacement. He is scheduled for open heart surgery in 4 days, the following Friday. My brother from NYC flies in, my brother from Los Angeles flies in, as well as his two grandchildren from Idaho. My father realizes how serious this surgery is, and decides he has done something in the past years that he is NOT comfortable with…………..he calls all his children together and announces there is something he needs to address……..his Will/Trust. This is the first time, I find I was removed from his Will/Trust, 5 years prior! My dad does NOT want to go under the knife knowing his youngest child is NOT in his Will/Trust. Unbelievable, but indeed, my father’s Will/Trust very explicitly states he can absolutely make NO changes to his OWN TRUST, without the attorney in Boise, Idaho being notified. (My belief is, that my sister asked the Idaho attorney add that clause, to make sure my father would not ever be able to change anything in his Trust without the attorney in Boise being notified, and then in turn notifying her!) Because of that clause, what happened next is almost comical as well as unbelievable. In order for my father to change that I had been removed from his Trust in 2002, the attorney in Boise, who removed me, had to be notified via a conference call with my dad. My father made the decision to have his children present, my poor dad probably knew the attorney was going to beat on him pretty badly as to why he wanted to put me back in his Trust. The call began and the attorney’s questions went on and on, almost to the point of interrogation, asking my dad as to why he wanted to add me back in to his trust (my sister must pay him very well). After that ridiculous phone call, we all went to a local Santa Fe attorney who again had to notify the Boise attorney in order to get his permission to change my father’s Trust. I know this sounds comical, however, it’s the absolute truth! This was something that had to be drawn up quickly in order for my father to sign, as surgery was fast approaching. Thankfully, the local attorney was able to get it completed, my father signed the addendum, and I was placed back in his Trust. My father underwent his heart surgery and came through with flying colors. My dad was at The Heart Institute exactly one week, from Friday to Friday. He was released to a rehabilitation hospital where he spent 3 more weeks. Lucille departed back to her home, Mark flew back to NYC and his grandchildren also left back to Boise. My brother from Los Angeles did stay to help take care of dad………….as dad was in a rehab center in ABQ, 60 miles from where we live. My brother offered to stay and help with dad as long as he was needed. I’d say he stayed in New Mexico approximately till the middle of July 2007 in order to help with our father. His help was very much appreciated. My dad was now on a strict regimen of pills, as he was now a heart patient. I was solely responsible for taking him to his follow up appointments, making sure his prescriptions were ordered, picking up his prescriptions, getting his prescriptions in to their AM & PM boxes, making sure he took his pills, preparing his meals, washing his clothes, taking care of his cat…………….after my brother departed, I was IT!!! It was difficult because my dad decided he did not need to undergo the 12 months of rehabilitation/therapy the heart doctor recommended he do. My father felt it was not necessary, so he simply did not do it. This was the beginning of his decline. He continued as best as he possibly could, however he slowed down a great deal. I was taking care of his pills, taking care of his cat, making sure he ate, really watching over him………when my sister decided from Idaho she would give direction………she began ordering his pills via the mail, she got him a housekeeper, etc.——- she made the decision to delegate his great niece to control his prescriptions……… became an ugly fight……… question to her, why give people who are not his direct children responsibilities for OUR father???? They have their own lives, dad is our/my responsibility, not theirs. She did not care, she did what she wanted. That took place for approximately one year. I then came back in to the my father’s daily life and began taking care of my father once again. His prescriptions via the mail were not correct, I changed them back to a local pharmacy, his housekeeper had decided she had to quit helping my dad. I began, once again taking care of my father………it was at this time I was noticing his memory was not as fine tuned as it had been, this was in 2011——I noticed dad began repeating himself, asking the same questions over & over. At first, I was in complete denial, I absolutely did not want to acknowledge that my dad may be experiencing memory loss………I must say, it is the most difficult thing I’ve faced since the day I was with my mother at her doctor’s office, August 1997, and was told she had cancer. Coming to the realization your father may have the beginning signs of dementia or Alzheimers is a very difficult thing to face. Time went on, day to day events were challenging. My dad still insisted on driving, and usually came home with a new scratch, scrape or dent on his car………of course it was not ever his doing!! I argued constantly with my sister about taking the keys, I knew I would not be able to live with myself knowing if he my dad hurt an innocent person or killed someone because I did not take his keys sooner. My sister told me we could not take his car away, if he wrecked, he had insurance……….the fact she was NOT here and did NOT go through what I did on a daily basis, removed her from any responsibility.

    I’d like to take you to the spring/summer of 2012, my sister and her husband were living outside of San Antonio, TX……..they had purchased a home approximately 20 to 30 miles out of San Antonio and my dad went to visit. I will admit I was not there, but whatever took place the night my dad arrived was truly ugly, as I spoke to him the next day and he asked me to please buy him a plane ticket and get him the hell out of my sister’s home. He told me he wanted to leave immediately, he did not want to stay at her house another night. However, when asked what took place, he could not exactly say…………other than he absolutely could not stand Michael Allen, my sister’s husband, and he wanted to get home. Once home, and for months upon months all my dad talked about was how much disdain he had for Michael Allen………….he told me he ‘hated him’———-I’d ask him why, and the look upon his face was just of pure dislike. How I’d give anything to know what took place the first night he arrived at their house in San Antonio, TX. Lucille did book my dad a ticket home sooner than expected, he probably made life hell for her because he truly did not want to be there, to the point he stayed only a few days, not the duration expected. He was truly, truly disenchanted with Michael Allen for a very, very long time. He was not ever able to tell me exactly what took place because of his memory, but he certainly knew he no longer liked Michael Allen. It was so incredibly bad for my sister when she would call dad, because all dad did was talk really nasty about her husband, she stopped calling him. I remember Lucille asking my dad, ‘what do you want me to do, divorce Michael?’—————my dad was really angry with him. My dad was so incredibly mad, he kept telling me he wanted to remove her from his Will, he would say ‘why would I leave anything to her, she is with that idiot husband, I want them out’———‘as long as she is with him, I do not ever want to see her again’———I wanted so badly to understand what had taken place when dad had gone to visit them, but he could not precisely tell me, other than he had treated him really bad and talked down to him. Therefore he did not ever want to see him again. He also asked that she be taken off his bank account, he no longer wanted her on his account because of the way her husband had treated him and she allowed it.

    12/12/12……….I make my daily visit to see my father……….as I unlock his door to enter, there is my sister and brother from NYC sitting on the couch. Because my dad removed her from his bank account, she called my brother in NYC and asked him to accompany her to Santa Fe to find out what was going on……….I should also note, that the eldest child, my brother had been telling her she needed to make a trip to Santa Fe because I was changing all of my father’s affairs. Amazing, exactly what she has done for years, she was now worried I was doing the same………what I can tell you is my father’s account had all his money in it……….he was being very well cared for, and the trip was made to get her placed back on his bank account as well, as she had a plane ticket to take him to spend Christmas in Idaho, she was going to force him in to being ok with her husband. They were gone within a few days, with my father in tow. Mark flew home to NYC. As it goes, dementia is wonderful in that people do forget, and my dad went to Idaho for Christmas and I guess things went ok. My dad returned from Idaho and things resumed as normal as normal was for him.

    Fast forward to May 2013, I injured my leg to an extreme, I ripped two hamstrings from my pelvis bone, I was barely able to walk, much less help my dad with his day to day living…….between Sonya and I we did get him taken care of……….however, I was told I probably would need surgery in Dallas, TX and would be gone for approximately 8 weeks………I needed to establish a plan for my dad, as I was going away and would not be present to take care of him. I found a retirement home and spoke to my sister and brother in NYC about moving him there……..we all knew he would not want to go, however, his house had become way too big for him………..I was the only one who maintained it, cleaned it, took care of his cat, fed his cat, fed my dad, washed his clothes, cleaned his house……etc. Everything fell upon me and now I was injured and could no longer do his daily duties………..we all decided it would be best to have him live at this retirement home. Lucille and Mike came to Santa Fe and helped get him situated in his new home, they spent a few days cleaning out our/my parents home, then left and told me to have garage sales and donate the rest to charity. As neither of them had any attachment to what was left in my dad’s house, they told me to simply dispose of what was left…… was extremely difficult because I did have attachments to so much of what they told me to throw away………one item in particular is my father’s only connection to his military seevice, it was hidden away in the garage, my sister told me to get a truck and take everything in the garage to the dump, if I would have listened to her, my father’s military book would be in the landfill…………and now, Mike and Lucille have my father’s military book, Mike asked me to send it to him so he could make copies of it, he told me he would return it to me, since I am the one who found it………yet, he still has it in his possession. If not for me, that book would have been thrown away. I truly want my father’s military book, I found it, and I want it back.

    As it happened, I was blessed and did not have to have surgery on my hamstrings. My father, so we thought was living in a really great place……..however, that was not the case……….the fee to live there was approximately $3,000.00/per month….
    However, that did not include anything!! If we wanted them to dispense his meds, that was an additional $400.00 per month, if they cleaned the cat box that was an additional fee, if they did his laundry that was an additional fee, if they escorted him to dinner that was an additional fee…….he was actually paying a huge amount to have a roof over his head, and once again I was doing everything for him……….I was dispensing his meds, I took care of the cat box, I did his laundry, he would not eat unless I took him dinner……..I was killing myself. Killing myself in that I had a job, I have a family, and every day I was at my father’s making sure his needs were also met…………because of his memory he would not go to lunch or dinner on his own, we would call him 10-20-30 times to tell him to go to lunch…….he would simply forget to go………so he was not eating properly. I would make sure he would eat dinner as sometimes that would be his only meal……..then Sonya began to go check on him daily, take him something to eat or get him out of the building………

    I called my sister and told her dad’s memory was progressively getting worse, he was doing some pretty off the wall things and I truly thought it would be best to have him live in our home. My sister at first said absolutely NO WAY. Then last summer she and her husband made a trip to assess the situation for themselves, they realized that I truly was killing myself and agreed to let me start looking for a home to accomadate my dad as well as our family. We found a beautiful home, much less than what he was paying at the retirement home, cleared it with my sister and secured the house. Sonya and I took care of my father’s entire move, from the retirement home to the new home………without any assistance from family……..I should mention I secured the rental property with my father’s Trust on the lease, that way I protected myself from being left with a huge monthly rental payment, yeah right!!! My dad moved in with us, I spent the first month and a half sleeping on the couch, because my dad only wanted to sleep on his Lazy Boy recliner, he could not remember where the bathroom was and would wake up very confused, so I slept by his side the first month and a half, it truly broke my heart because I knew he stayed up all night at the retirement home, he had his days and nights completely turned around……
    I was told that is called Sundowner Syndrome and that my father had every symptom of that particular Syndrome. He would do things like get up in the middle of the night and take all kinds of food out of the fridge, leave the french doors to the fridge open, then go sit down on his Lazy Boy and fall asleep…
    His dementia was rapid…… truly broke my heart to see my dad in this manner.

    February 17, 2015 my dad became very agitated and swung his metal cane at Sonya, I was at work, it was evening and as Sundowner Syndrome goes, the individual becomes agitated… he did, he hit Sonya and almost broke her hand, he landed up slipping out of his Lazy Boy on to the floor and would not allow Sonya to help him up off the floor. Sonya called me at work and asked me to come home, as she had to go to Urgent Care for her hand. I came home to find my dad on the floor, I asked him what had taken place and he told me something about Sonya running a whore house here at home………once again, completely off the wall. I helped him up off the floor, he was angry but was not precise about what took place, I attributed it to his dementia. He ate, watched tv, then went to bed and the next day woke up as not a thing had taken place……… mistake, I called my sister and told her what had happened. That was her excuse to move him from my home to live with a distant cousin in Oklahoma City. I told my sister I absolutely did not agree with sending him to live with this particular relative as I knew that all she was after was my father’s money, my sister’s reply, ’you’ve had dad in your care long enough, now I’m going to try something different, it’s not forever’——-my words to her, “mark my words, this is the biggest mistake you will make sending dad to live with her”—-
    Only thing, my sister knew EXACTLY what she was doing, once my father arrived in Oklahoma City, I’d call, my calls would go unanswered or this distant cousin would send a text as to why my dad could not talk to me, tons of excuses…..she had the audacity to answer at one point and tell me my father did not want to speak to me. I asked her why, she could not answer me, I told her she was a liar and the only reason he would not want to speak to me, would be the lies you are telling him about me……..he would have NO reason to refuse to talk to me, he and I were perfectly fine when he left my home.

    There is so, so much more……my dad was hospitalized on Easter Sunday, they refused to allow me any information on him, this distant cousin had a code at the hospital which she refused to give me in order to obtain information on MY father………………..after his hospital stay she gave my dad some dialogue that I supposedly wrote, discussing his dementia, she told my dad I was going around telling people that he has dementia, angered my father to the endth degree because he denies having memory loss, then she is telling him I’m going around spreading that he has dementia………totally playing mind games with my dad’s head in order to poison his mind about me, in hopes that he gets so angry toward me………..she placed a document in front of him, had him sign the document removing me as POA for him. She together with my sister has taken complete control of my dad, producing documents for him to sign. I would almost bet my life, once again, my sister, together with her bubble gum attorney in Boise, have drawn up bogus documents removing me from his Will/Trust. In hopes that once my father is gone, my sister will gain complete control of everything, as she has always planned.

    The greed, the deceit is so coveted by my sister, I believe she will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

    I have completely been removed from my father’s life……..I am denied any communication with him whatsoever. The fact that he has been removed from his home, from everything that is familiar to him is the most egregious and reprehensible act his daughter, my sister has committed. When an individual has memory loss, dementia, Alzheimers…..
    One should take the necessary steps to place your loved ones mind at ease, make things familiar, not have him living in a cluttered, ugly, sweltering house in Oklahoma City. My father should not be drug around the United States like a rag doll, because that’s convenient for YOU. He has no business being driven back and forth from Oklahoma City, OK to Santa Fe, NM in temperatures of 100+ degrees………..then breaking down and hanging out in a hot automobile, without A/C in the middle of bum f_€! Egypt——-waiting for a tow truck!!! That may be what you are acclimated to, however, leave my 94 year old father out of your automobile problems……..when I learned he was yet again being transported in a piece of junk car to Santa Fe from Oklahoma City in the middle of July, then learned your vehicle broke down on the side of the road, I truly believe that needs to be reported as a heinous act of abuse to an elderly person/man………..authorities need to be alerted and someone needs to pay for their ignorance. My father has not lived to be 94 to be abused like that! Completely inexcusable, and completely unacceptable.

    Please I ask, through The Kasem Cares Foundation that in some way, shape or form I am able to once again speak to my father, I would love to spend time with him once again…………….he turns 94 on August 27th and my fear is I will not be able to wish him a Happy Birthday…………

    I ask for any help, suggestions to please come my way.

    Thank you………..


    Brenda shared a story:

    I lost my father in 1988 to pancreatic cancer. I had no clue that not only would our lives be different because of our loss, but because emotional abuse would soon begin to my mom. I had no clue until just a few years ago that my brother had been hounding her on a regular basis to allow him to take control over her estate and become her POA. I had no clue that he had been saying things to her throughout the years and comparing Mom to her sisters who had Alzheimer’s and died in their in late 70’s and early 80’s. I had no clue how harsh he spoke to her until 2009. My brother set out on a mission to “prove” our mother had Alzheimer’s because she repeated herself. Mom has always repeated herself. He had taken her to doctors and to ER’s t be checked out. Not one doctor he took our mother to would go along with his hopes of getting our mother declared incompetent. He was hiding things in her home so that she could not find them hoping others would believe she was going crazy. He intercepted phone calls when he was visiting her in home and would not allow people to speak to her unless it was someone he liked. My brother followed her around when she was out and about. He knew every move she made and who visited her. Finally when Mother decided to change attorney’s and update her will, not preventing him from an inheritance but just updating and moving others into spots of control, he filed a lawsuit seeking guardianship. He used a hospital record from 2010 that had the word dementia written in it. The lawsuit was filed in September of 2011. In Texas you cannot file a guardianship lawsuit unless you are using a doctor note/medical record that is less than 120 days old but his managed to get into the system. we spent 3 long years battling things. After 2 years in the courtroom, he was given the title guardian over our mother. She was not given any notice that she would be moved out of her home of 26 yrs. She was moved to an assisted living facility in the town that she lived in but no one was allowed to see her unless their name appeared on the list that my brother had made. One month after moving her into this facility, he moved her again. This time he did not tell anyone where she was. For 2 months no one in her family or her friends knew how to find her. After writing numerous letters to the judge, my brother had to come clean and let everyone know her whereabouts. He controlled everything. No one could take Mom out of the memory care unit he had living in. We all had to visit her in that unit. It wasn’t until almost a year later and in court once again, the judge opened the door to take Mom out and enjoy life. My brother moved our mother once again. This time to a very dirty, smelly, nursing home and she’s in the Alzheimer’s unit medicated. She has not been out to do anything social with family or friends in a year. We went to court last year around this time and the judge opened the door for visits but we had to go by the facility and doctor in charge of residents on how long and often our visits could be. She’s been on the DNP list for a year at this facility. The judge listened a year ago when the facility was living at before the nursing home testified they had documented abuse. They had documented him yelling at Mom and vice versa. APS, Adult Protective Services, had been keeping an eye on our mother since 2010 and never once said she needed to move out of her home. They too documented the emotional abuse but in Texas, this abuse does not warrant action. Mother has been living in an Alzheimer’s unit for just over a year. She is going t be 90 years old in December. She is very alert, sometimes forgetful, and makes sure appearance is nice. She’s trapped behind those doors and my hands are tied. My brother continues to control everything going on even though the judge stated very clearly the last time we were in court that he is only in charge of her living facility, paying her bills, and making sure she seeing a doctor when needed. The facility and doctor are in charge of deciding when she can leave the facility with others. They will not take a stand for her though. I visit my mom regularly. She talks about how she must be sick because of the facility she is having to live in. She talks about her thinking and how bad it is. These are all words that have been told her by my brother. We need to make sure Texas and all other states take emotionally abusing the elderly serious. It happens daily. The court system is not always on your side, which I have found. Taking the rights away from a guardian should be easier than it is. Please keep an eye on the elderly. As my mom did, they are private and do not want their dirty laundry to aired for all to see. Watch for signs of isolation. They’re there. I wish I had seen them earlier but as so many others, no one wants to believe a family member is capable of doing such a thing. I would love to spread the word about what is going on with elderly people. I hope you will do the same.